


2ND

by secondofmay, sharkeu



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dreams, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Life Partners, Love, Married Life, Past Relationship(s), Regrets, Second Chances, a jenbum fic finally yay, jenbum, pls let my tags live, stan got7 and blackpink for a better skin this 2019 !, we don't hate jenkai we supported them, what to put in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-18 18:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 81,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17585657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondofmay/pseuds/secondofmay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkeu/pseuds/sharkeu
Summary: "We are not the same person as last year; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."— W. Somerset Maugham





	1. Strangers

**_K.E.J_ **

****

Eunae and Gyungho first met during a job interview. They bumped into each other at the company’s lobby, both said their apologies and had a little chat on their way to the elevator. The next thing they knew, they were next to each other at the queue—applying for the same job. They had their interviews individually and didn’t see each other after. They had a nice chat and both of them unknowingly wanted to meet again.

They did meet again; about a month later, on their first day of work. They both got hired in the job they applied for and both of them are undeniably delighted to know they’ll be working together. Since then, they became even closer. There was this sort of friendly competition going on that just drives each other to work even harder. Their connection is undeniable to people who see them and even to themselves. Amidst the friendly competition over work, there’s always tension and unintentional flirting. There was definitely something but of them didn’t want to get lost in the translation so they took it slow.

Then that night happened.

It was a Friday night. Eunae, Gyungho and their coworkers decided to have some drinks after work, to ease their stress away. It was fun, everyone is drinking and happy. They went for a second round, but half of them already surrendered and hit the sack at home. Eunae and Gyungho are pretty much okay, second round was no big deal to good drinkers like them. Besides, Gyungho is taking care of Eunae pretty well. With him around, she felt safe in such a chaotic night out.

By the third round, only four of them are left. Eunae, Gyungho and two other guy coworkers transferred to a much larger bar—louder and more chaotic. Still, Eunae didn’t feel the need to leave. She wants to have more fun and, then again, Gyungho made her feel protected. She trusted him. Maybe she trusted him a little bit too much.

They had drinks after drinks, hitting the dance floor with every shot. Dancing and rolling their bodies against each other with their clothes barely doing anything to keep them apart. It’s safe to say that Eunae let loose of herself a little bit more than she should. But it’s because she has already put her safety on Gyungho’s hands. That’s how much she trusted him.

By the end of the night, Gyungho was kind enough to bring Eunae home. Everything was blurry for Eunae from there. The alcohol has already taken over her, she’s too drunk to function. Eunae could barely walk; Gyungho had to carry her on his back, to the way to her apartment unit. When they reached her place, Eunae was lucky she can still press her passcode on her door. She may be drunk but her subconscious knew better that she can’t be alone and alone in her apartment with some guy. So after stepping inside, she bowed to thank Gyungho but he steps inside instead. Eunae knows it’s wrong but she’s too exhausted to protest. The next thing she knew, Gyunho slammed her on her wall and started kissing her. She remembers pushing him away, telling him to stop. But instead of stopping, he just kept on kissing her. His hands traveling on the parts of her body that she didn’t want to be touched. She pushed him away again and again and a lot of times after. She was screaming, begging him to stop but it was like he plugged his ears with something.

Eunae didn’t want any of it but she’s too tired and hopeless to push him away. Tears fall down her cheeks as she loses herself.

“It’s not like he dragged her to her place but was there consent?” Eunjung leans closer to whisper.

“If there was, then we shouldn’t be here.” Mark replied coolly, arms crossed on his chest.

“That’s all, your honor.” The defense counsel concludes cheekily after interrogating the victim on the stand with nonsense questions like _What were you wearing that night? How much did you drink? Do you usually go out for drinks with your coworkers?_

The clerk then stands, announcing recess. The judge leaves the court, everyone else in the room follows as soon as he’s nowhere in sight. Like everyone else, Eunjung and Mark stand from their seats then exit the courtroom.

They walk to the lobby, straight to the vendo machine to get themselves their third cup of coffee for this morning. It’s a couple of minutes past ten, on a weekend. It’s a Saturday, for crying out loud but they’ve been up for as early as seven just to get to court by nine in time for this hearing they had to sit in as a requirement by one of their professors.

“It’s a hopeless case.” Mark mumbles, taking a sip of his coffee as he moves his coat away to put one hand on his pants’ pocket.

“The world is hopeless.” Eunjung sighs, stretching her legs out.

The two of them are leaning on the metal ledges against the glass wall of the hall, adjacent the courtroom.

“It’s obviously rape.” She firmly states. “Why would she even battle the court this bravely? She doesn’t want any compensation; she just wants him to get to jail.”

Mark chuckles lightly. “You see, this is why you’re not meant for the court.”

Eunjung scoffs. “Who said that I am?”

Eunjung and Mark have known each other since freshman year of high school but it wasn’t until they were grouped in one of their final projects on their junior year that they actually became friends. They have pretty different personalities; Eunjung loves to talk and rant while Mark barely talks but they instantly became friends when they got grouped with the lazy bums of the class. They did what they have to do; ditch their groupmates and work on their own. Little did they know that their difference actually complements each other.

Since then, they were inseparable. People around them either thinks they’re dating or that one of them is gay—the fingers mostly point at Mark, he’s just so distant to women that they think there’s something _weird_ about him. Neither of them cared about the rumors anyway. Not when they were young, more so not when they got a little bit older.

“Oh shit!” Eunjung exclaims as soon as she felt her phone vibrating on her pocket. It was her alarm popping off. “Fuck.” She breathes after taking her phone out, her phone’s reminder greeting her.

“I have a tutoring class today!” she said. “Why didn’t you remind me?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Mark nonchalantly asked.

Eunjung stared at him in disbelief. “I’ve been doing it for four months.”

Mark only shrugged.

“Take this.” Eunjung told him, giving him her unfinished coffee. “And help me with my paper.”

Mark pursed his lips, shaking his head. This has happened a lot of times before and they both know that _help_ means doing everything.

“Come on, please!” Eunjung pleaded. “I already missed two papers, if I miss this one, I’m going to fail this class!”

“Then just fail.” Mark mumbles.

“I wish I could, if Mom won’t only kill me.” Eunjung replied. “Come on, just do it. You don’t even have to do good. I just have to turn in something—I’ll pay you! Don’t you need some items for Overwatch? I can—“

“Loot Box. Eleven of them.” Mark then takes a sip of his coffee.

Eunjung rolls her eyes. “Fine. Email me the paper tonight, okay?”

Finally, Mark nods.

“Thank you!” Eunjung exclaims, pushing her cup of coffee towards Mark, almost spilling it but he’s quick to catch it.

“You’re the best!” She winked, dashing off even before Mark could complain about her coffee.

She walks out of the building, running as fast as she can to the subway station while changing into her flat shoes. Her tutorial class starts at 11:30, she’s running late but if she runs faster, she can be there on the dot. So, she did.

For someone coming from a well-off family, Eunjung is sure a hard worker. If she’s only in an alternate universe where she can do what her heart desires while making her parents proud and happy, then she would’ve been at home in bed having tea with her mom and dad while watching some lame 80s sitcom.

But no, she’s living in reality and in reality, she has to juggle between doing what her parents dictate her to do and what she actually wants to do. Her parents are a well-known lawyer-doctor tandem; both respected in each other’s fields.

For years, Eunjung has lived in a life around her parents’ career. Whatever she does, is reflected to their well-respected image and reputation. So what else do you expect a lawyer and doctor’s daughter to be? An artist? Not in a million years.

Even though she once dreamed of her parents asking her what she career she wants to pursue, she knew that she’s going to end up following their paths. It was inevitable. It’s just a matter of choosing between medicine and law. She couldn’t care less, actually, she chose what would annoy her mother more and that is following her father’s path instead of mother’s.

Eunjung grew up as a strong-willed woman, one thing that she got from her mom that she’s thankful for. She may not control getting into law school but that doesn’t mean she has to let go of what her heart truly desires—painting.

She first discovered her love for the arts when she was ten. Her mother, being the control freak that she is, wanted Eunjung to be exposed to different things at a young age, so, she enrolled her to an art class during summer. It was love at first sight for Eunjung—or probably at first stroke. Not only did she like it but her talent was pretty obvious at a young age.

She wasn’t aware of that. She just knows that it’s something she wants to do. For the first time in her life, she was doing something that genuinely makes her happy. Those two-hour art classes that she had for a few months felt like an escape. For an innocent young girl, it was nothing but pure bliss; it easily became the best summer of her life. That was when she knew that painting is what she wants to do in her life.

But not on her mother’s watch. Her art teacher delightfully told her mother about Eunjung’s promising talent in arts and, the next day, the lessons stopped. No more summer classes of any sort for Eunjung.

It broke Eunjung’s heart. She doesn’t understand why her mother has to do it and her mother didn’t bother explaining. She cried for months; she cried for a really long time—up to this day, her heart is still crying knowing that her mother will never love the one thing that she loves. But Eunjung can’t let her mother take this away from her. She has let go of a lot of things but not this. She can’t let go of painting. So, she did what every stuck child did, do stuff behind her parent’s back.

Since Eunjung got in high school, she started saving money for her painting needs. By the time she entered college, her painting needs got heavier too. She’s not only saving up for tools, but she also needs extra money to get into painting classes and workshops. The allowance she’s getting from her parents wouldn’t be enough for that, so, she applied for different part-time jobs. It was tough. But Eunjung never really cared. She’ll do everything for her dreams.

Right now, Eunjung is juggling law school with two part-time jobs. On weekdays, after class, she’s a barista at a coffee shop while on weekends, she works as an english tutor. She has to work extra hours because law school expenses are getting more demanding while she needs even more funds for this painting exhibition that she wants to win so badly. She has never fancied getting into and winning big painting awards because she’s scared that her parents will find out and they will ask her to stop. But she felt like she has had enough of hiding. They need to know that this is what she wants. Winning this contest is proving to her parents that painting isn’t just a mere hobby for her. Maybe if she wins this, they can finally be proud of her and support her in her craft. Maybe they’ll finally understand.

Eunjung gets off the train with about fifteen minutes to spare—just enough for her to run to the tutor center. She squeezed her way out of the station then starts running as fast as she can. She arrived at the center panting, out of breath, but right on the dot.

“I’m so sorry, Miss Kim.” She greeted, breathless, when she saw her boss coming her way. “I didn’t mean to be late. I was just—“

“Oh my, didn’t I tell you? We don’t have classes today.” Miss Kim cuts her off.

Eunjung turned pale. “You didn’t tell me anything.” She said lifelessly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Eunjung. It must have slipped my mind.” Miss Kim said softly. “The kids’ annual checkup was scheduled today. But hey,” She puts an arm around Eunjung’s shoulder, pulling her inside. “You can just help us around here! I’m sure the kids will feel better when you’re around.”

Eunjung can’t say no, of course. So even though she’d rather go home and get some sleep, she followed inside the center. Maybe she’ll get paid for overtime too.

When they got inside, the checkup has already started. The kids are lined up in different stations—weight and height checkup, dental, and all sorts of physical checkups. Eunjung always feel a little bit odd when she’s surrounded by anything that is and looks like a hospital. It always reminds her of her mother and thinking of her mother in her secret part-time job is not the most comfortable thought.

“You can go over the eye checkup area.” Miss Kim told Eunjung with slight tap on her shoulder.

Eunjung replied with a polite nod before doing as told and walking to the optical station. She greeted the assigned doctor with a soft smile which was returned to her quickly but the smile on the young doctor’s face melts into a puzzled one.

“I’m with the academy, I’m here to help.” Eunjung explains carefully.

The doctor is just staring at her for a good couple of seconds, slowly making Eunjung uncomfortable.

“Teacher Eunjung!” One kid calls, excitedly running to Eunjung.

The kid slams herself onto Eunjung, hugging her leg.

Eunjung smiles at him before leaning down at him.

“Are you ready for your checkup, Minjoonie?” Eunjung asked softly.

Minjoon frowned. “I’m scared. I wanna go home.”

Eunjung reaches for his head then pats his head. “It’s going to be fine. You’re a good boy, right? Good kids finish their checkups.”

Minjoon’s frown remains.

“Here.” Eunjung lets out her hand. “Do you trust me?”

He nods.

Eunjung smiles. “Great. Then take my hand. I’ll be with you.”

Minjoon takes Eunjung’s hand then eventually smiled. Eunjung stands up and faces the doctor, telling her the kid is ready for his very harmless eye checkup.

The doctor, even though still with slight confusion in her, guides them. She told the little boy to look at the chart hanging on the wall, Eunjung voluntarily did so too. The chart looks like any other chart, except that the letters look more colorful and cuter than usual and has some cartoonish drawings around it.

But what caught Eunjung’s attention is the hospital logo printed at the bottom of it. It’s too familiar for her to miss.

Eunjung was just staring at the chart when the exam finished.

“20/20, of course.” The doctor says. “Just like every kid. This isn’t really necessary for children’s checkup, but we just wanted to be sure.”

Eunjung wasn’t paying attention, still staring at the chart.

“Teacher Eunjung,” Minjoon tugs her sleeve, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Oh, you’re done?” Eunjung turned to Minjoon. “Good job, Minjoonie! Now why don’t you go over there to Miss Kim? I think she has something for you. I’ll follow you in a while, okay?”

“Yes, Teacher!” Minjoon excitedly replied before quickly running to where Miss Kim is.

Eunjung then turns back to the doctor, taking a deep breath.

“Hi, uhm, are you…is this…” Eunjung stutters, not knowing how to put her question out. “Is this whole thing organized by Kang-Seo Foundation Hospital?”

“Right! You’re Director Seo’s daughter!” The doctor excitedly says. “Eunjung, right?”

“N-no! No, I’m not.” Eunjung quickly denied.

“You look exactly like her.” The doctor replied.

“Is she coming? Is she here?” Eunjung asked in horror.

“I don’t think she’s here yet. But I heard she’s dropping by.” The doctor replied.

“Shit. She’s not supposed to see me here.”

“You said you’re not her daughter.”

“She’s not supposed to see her daughter’s doppelgänger.” Eunjung mumbles. “Just, please don’t tell anyone you saw me here, okay? Please.”

“Please?” Eunjung repeated when the doctor was looking clueless. Eventually she nods and Eunjung took it a sign to run off, not wanting to risk getting seen by her mother.

Eunjung took a quick run by Miss Kim to say goodbye.

“I’m sorry but I need to leave Miss Kim. I’ll just go overtime next week.” She explains. “Bye!”

Before Miss Kim can react, Eunjung runs out of the tutorial center, fast and as discreet as she can—only to bump into what looks like a group of old doctors who all looks too familiar.

“Eunjung? Is this our little Eunjung?” One of them asks, taking a good look at her.

Great. They are her mother’s oldest colleagues, her friends from university, and family friend. One of them is even Eunjung’s godmother.

Eunjung bites her lip before carefully bowing at them.

“It’s nice seeing you, it’s me Kang Eunjung.” She, Eunjung’s godmother, greets politely.

“Eunjung!” The same woman exclaims, pulling her in a hug then she turned to the group. “Eunjung, do you remember her? Bora’s daughter.”

There were collective nods and greetings, all of which Eunjung just awkwardly accepts. Her whole body is tensed. It’s almost so anticlimactic that her mother is not here with them but it only means she is going to be here soon.

“What are you doing here? Are you here to visit your mother?” One of them asked.

“I, uh—“

“Is that the tutorial center’s ID you’re wearing?” Another one asked before Eunjung can even come up with a lame excuse.

All eyes dart to Eunjung, making her pale and embarrassed. She shouldn’t feel this way. There’s nothing embarrassing about working in an English Tutoring Center, it’s not like she’s doing something against the law. But there is something about their scrutinizing looks that tells her she’s being judged right now.

“Eunjung?” A very familiar voice, sending a deep pit into Eunjung’s stomach, is what brings her and the group of doctors back to this moment.

It’s Dr. Seo Bora. Kang-Seo Foundation Hospital’s Director and head Pediatric Doctor. _Her mother._

Bora grabs Eunjung’s arm, pulling her from the group.

“What are you doing here?” Bora asked in a whisper, her voice strict.

“Looks like she’s visiting you, Bora.” Eunjung’s godmother, gladly and ignorantly, said.

“Is she?” Bora turned to Eunjung with a smile—a smile which Eunjung can easily say is fake.

Bora immediately saw the lanyard around Eunjung’s neck. Her grip on her daughter’s arm tightens at the sight of the Center’s name.

“I think she’s working here.” The same woman who asked earlier said. “Are you, Dear?”

Eunjung swallows. She shouldn’t be embarrassed. Not in front of her mother’s friends and definitely not in front of her own mother.

Eunjung takes a deep breath, turning to the woman.

“Yes, Ma’am. I work here as a part-timer.” Eunjung replied.

There were tiny gasps from the group and Eunjung can feel fee her mom’s hand grow cold and stiff against her skin.

Bora took a moment to take it in.

“Of course,” Bora says with yet another fake smile, turning to her old friends. She puts an arm around Eunjung’s shoulder, pulling her close. “My Eunjung loves helping kids around. It’s her little advocacy.” She says the last bit looking at Eunjung, her eyes lingering with tension, making Eunjung sick in the stomach.

“Oh, that’s great.”

“That’s so nice of you.”

“I knew you’re doing a great job raising a daughter.”

They said one after another, the mother and daughter replying with fake smiles.

“Now, why don’t you all excuse us? We just need to talk a bit. She’s leaving soon for her classes.” Bora said, pulling Eunjung away. “I’ll join you inside in a while.”

Bora loosens his hold onto Eunjung’s shoulder and the latter took it as signal to detach herself from her mother—a little bit too harsh than she intended, making her mother even more upset.

“What are you doing?” Bora asked, firmly. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you, I’m working here.” Eunjung replied, voice shaking.

“What? Why?” Bora is completely clueless. “Do you need extra money? Is your allowance not enough? You should’ve simply asked me for extra money, if you need some.”

Eunjung looks away. The guilt of lying to her mother is starting to creep in.

“If you really want to work, you could’ve asked me for a work at the hospital—or your father! Working in a law firm is good for your track record.” Bora continues. “Not some mediocre tutor center. What do you think will my friends think if I didn’t see you talking to them? They’ll think I’m letting you work for some petty money.”

Eunjung felt like crying. It’s all too much for her and all she can do is scoff.

“Did you just scoff at me?” Bora asked.

“I’m not here just for some petty cash, Mother.” Eunjung says, voice almost cracking. “I need the money.”

“What for?” Bora asks in horror, her tone changing. “The allowance I give you is more than enough—“ The sound of Eunjung talking back at her is telling her it’s more than just the allowance. “Or is this for that stupid hobby of yours again? I’ve told you so many times that you have to give up painting! It’s not taking you anywhere!”

Eunjung’s heart beat fast in her chest. Her ears are hot and red, her head feels like spinning, tears well up in her eyes. She had this conversation with her mother a hundred of times before. Each time, Bora says the same thing, telling Eunjung that painting is pointless. Every single time, Eunjung’s heart breaks.

“Painting is not stupid.” Eunjung said sharply, hands rolled in tight fists. “I don’t want a job at the hospital or at a law firm. I want to paint.”

Bora looked at her in horror. “That’s pointless.”

“No, Mom. This—all of the things you’re telling me to do—that’s pointless because I’ll never be someone you want me to do.” Eunjung says amidst her chest pounding and her voice cracking. Tears has fallen down her cheeks and Bora is staring at her, in complete shock.

Eunjung aggressively wiped her tears. “I’ll never be like you.”

 

Eunjung’s hand shakes as she presses her door passcode. Her whole body trembles in anger as she gets inside her studio. The studio she started renting a little over two years ago. Neither her mother nor his father knows about this. She got the money for the initial deposit from the first ever painting contest she won. Ever since then, she kept everything about her craft—her tools, her paintings, awards—in this studio, away from her mother’s harsh words.

Her studio is a big messy room. The walls and floor are splashed and dripping with paint. All sorts of paints and brushes are messily piled in one big bookshelf. Paintings, both done and unfinished are on one corner of the room, each is an expression of whatever she’s keeping inside her chest. Because just like this studio which hides all her painting stuff, her paintings are filled with all her kept emotions.

Eunjung takes her coat and shoes off, eyes still welling with tears. She walks straight to the painting she’s currently working on, grabbing paint and a brush on her way. She sits on her painting stool, staring at the unknown face staring back at her.

 _Strangers._ It’s her favorite subject. She drew a collection of faces of people who she has never seen before. She doesn’t know any of them. She has never seen their faces, she doesn’t even know if any of these people exist in real life, but she painted them with the thought of their feelings. Her painting style is impressionism—every stroke, draws an emotion; every stroke makes a face unique yet personal. Every fine stroke makes each face _real._

The current piece she’s working is the most daring, most taxing, most challenging yet most special piece of art she ever did. She started working on it _about seven months ago._ For some reasons she can’t explain, her arguments with her mother started to get more frequent since she started this piece. So, every time she’ll get to her studio as an escape, she’ll paint this very piece like it’s some cathartic session for her.

For months, this face of a man she has never seen has been both a reminder of her heartaches and her comfort. She doesn’t know where the inspiration to paint this man came from. But she’s sure that every feature reflects something in her.

His lips that Eunjung drew straight and simple, like her lazy days and peaceful mornings. She painted it pale red, as if reminding her to be soft.

His tall nose which she happens to draw with some unrefined strokes of dark brown, contrasting the paler brown shade of his entire face—resembles the days when she’s doubting herself. Every stroke is her little insecurities and self doubts in her talent.

His chiselled chin which she drew with black strokes, fine and determined. For the days she’s more than determined to finish this piece. To win the contest and prove it to her parents that she can ace this.

She drew his shoulders broad, down to his firm arms, her strokes were dark and sharp as if to remind her to be strong on the days she needed to be; as if she was drawing support from it.

And then his eyes. His eyes that are a bit small but his stare is sharp. It’s one of the first features that Eunjung started drawing and yet, it is one part that she comes back to over and over. It’s like every time she’ll look at it, it’s lacking. As small as it looks, it holds most of the emotion this piece has. It has a tiny bit of brown from when Eunjung is in deep need of comfort. It has shades of red like her undying and desires to prove something. But mostly, it’s dark—almost like black—resembling Eunjung’s long kept sadness.

The painting is mostly done now but just like every other night that she feels restless, she stares at his eyes and something tells her there’s something lacking.

She picks up her brush, dips it in a mix of black and blue paint. She slowly reaches for his eyes, adding more rough tiny strokes in it—representing every unshed tear and each piece of her shattered heart.

She starts crying again. Slowly, she reaches for more paint. This time, she dips her brush in a mixture of reds and oranges. More than anytime before, she felt the most urge to prove something to her mother. If she could only do it now, she will drive back home, or to the hospital, or to wherever her mother would be, and show her what she can do. Along with every award she has won and every painting she have ever done, she’d show her what she calls a stupid trash. But she can’t do it right now, so instead, she aggressively brushes more red strokes in his eyes.

Her cry turns into sob, making it hard for her to breath.

She holds onto the edge of her canvas. Her grip tight, as if seeking for support. Still, she reaches for more paint. This time mixing the blacks and the reds. She continues painting. As tears fall faster and her breaths gets heavier, her strokes get angrier.

She’s sobbing, she’s panting, she’s painting—it’s all happening at the same time that Eunjung is losing control over herself. Her body is getting weak from crying but her hands and her heart is eager to finish her piece. She’s close. She’s so close to finishing her masterpiece. Just a little more strokes. Just a little more tears.

And she did.

She can’t explain how she ends up with. It’s like a sensation has waved over her, telling her it’s done. She finished her masterpiece.

Eunjung stares at it, at the face she never saw yet she knows so well. He holds a strong emotion. Some people might say it’s intimidating. But to her, it’s comforting. It’s every sadness, anger, and frustration she has kept inside of her. While other people might find it disturbingly emotional, to her, it’s everything that she is.

She takes a deep a breath, heavy and slowly. It’s like finally letting go, a freedom of some sort. She stares at it as one final tear falls down her cheek.

She puts her brush down as she takes a step back. But she forgot how weak she is on her knees, resulting for her trip over, dragging her canvas down

Her eyes widen, mind clouding gradually. No. She just finished and she can’t ruin this master piece just like that. So, with the last ounce of sanity she has, she pushed the canvas away, face up and careful not to hit it at anything, with her hands—resulting her to drop her brush, harmoniously bouncing at the canvas before it hits the wooden floor. The canvas then follows, just a nano second before her butt hit the floor.

Eunjung quickly rolls to her stomach crawling to check what was left in her piece. Luckily, as the heavens permit, nothing much has happened to it. The wet paint was shaken a bit but it wasn’t disastrous, it’s aesthetic even. The only big difference is the two tiny dots above the man’s left eyebrow, the one caused by her brush hitting the canvas.

“Fuck.” Eunjung cursed under her breath. The guy she’s painting isn’t supposed to have some eyebrow mole but now, funnily, it does.

She quickly reaches for a cloth, hoping to revive it. But as she stares at it, just before the damp cloth reaches the canvas, she felt like someone is pulling her arm down. _It doesn’t look so funny._ The back of her head tells her.

And it really doesn’t. It doesn’t make the piece ugly. If anything, that chaotic mistake makes the piece more unique, more real. It felt personal yet different. It’s all her sadness and anger and frustrations _and more._

So, she puts down the cloth and stares at it. For a little while before completely coming in terms with it. Slowly, for the first time in while, a smile forms in her face.

She rolls back on the floor, staring at her white dusty ceiling. Her smile grew wider.

“Finally.” She keeps on repeating to herself, crying and smiling like a fool. “Finally.”

She digs her phone from her pocket, calling the only person she would ever want to hang out with whether to rant about her parents or celebrate finishing a painting, this time both.

“Hey, Mark Tuan.” Eunjung mumbles as soon as Mark answers the call. “Where are you?”

“I’m busy.” Mark replied.

“Bullshit. Let’s have a drjnk!” Eunjung said.

“I’m busy.” Mark repeated.

“I know you’re just playing Overwatch.” She said. “Come on, let’s drink at the river!”

“You still owe me loots!” Mark said.

Eunjung chuckles. “I know. I don’t forget.”

“You sound happy.” Mark mumbles.

“Maybe I am.” Eunjung replied. “I’ll be at our usual spot, be there in twenty!”

She hangs up even without waiting for Mark’s reply, she knows he’ll come anyway.

She fixed her piece then tidies her place a bit before going out to her car. She’s decided to let it dry in her apartment and continue applying varnish there. Considering the process, she’ll make it just in time for the contest. If things will go as planned.

 

 

“So, what are we celebrating for again?” Mark asks, reaching for a slice of pizza.

They’re sitting on their usual spot in the Han river park where they have a great view of the sky and calm river.

Eunjung takes a big gulp of her beer before answering.

“My mom saw me at my part time job and we fought.” She says, face flushed with alcohol. “Then I finished my piece.”

Mark smirks, drinking from his can.

“That’s a hell of a combo to celebrate for.” He says, putting down his can and coming back to his pizza.

“She said painting is stupid and my works are trash.” Eunjung continues. “She hasn’t seen any of them! How can she say that? She just hates me.”

Mark continues munching his pizza, ears on Eunjung. He knows it’s time for her to vent out again.

“Why does she even hate me so much?” She added. “What did I ever do besides being an obedient daughter?”

“Work two jobs behind her back? Sell all the designer bags she bought you for money to buy painting tools? Rent a whole ass studio to keep all your paintings?” Mark nonchalantly says.

“You’re such a good friend.” Eunjung rolls her eyes to which Mark simply shrugged.

“I mean, I won’t do any of that if she’s only supporting me.” She mumbles. “I had to choose a path I don’t like just because she told me to. It’s so unfair.”

She takes her beer, chugging it in and finishing it in one go. Mark just calmly watching her.

“I could’ve been born to artist parents,” Eunjung mumbles, staring down her hands. “Or to a couple of teachers, or farmers, or even veterinarians—they’re sort of in the medical field too, but I feel like they have more heart—anyone! And they can support me in my craft.”

“But no. God had to let me be a part of family of doctors and lawyers who don’t care about what my heart wants. It’s only their reputation that they care about not me.” She mumbles. “Sometimes, I wonder, do they really love me? Why can’t they like what I love?”

Eunjung looks up then stares ahead, watching the people in the park. “Or maybe I’m not really good in painting. Maybe mothers really do know best and painting is pointless. Maybe this little love and passion of mine is nothing but shit. It’s all just trash. Just like me, it’s nothing.”

She bites her lip. “Why can’t I just be happy?”

Mark follows her gaze, looking ahead.

“Aristotle once said,” he starts mumbling. “Humans originally wondered at the obvious difficulties. Then, eventually, they will advance little by little until they find themselves in a much difficult manner. A puzzled man thinks he’s ignorant, so he ends up philosophising as an escape to that ignorance.”

He turned to Eunjung. “Just like you. You have too many questions because you’re ignorant but most of all, you’re just scared you’ll get stuck in that ignorance.”

“But I know you won’t. I believe you’ll learn to accept it and get over it. Soon.”

Eunjung slowly turns to him. Face has no trace of any emotion.

“Are you drunk already?”

Mark stared back at her, eyes serious, before bursting into laughter.

“Nothing.” He says, picking up his beer. “I just read it earlier in a book.”

Eunjung shakes her head, laughing. “You’re so weird.”

She takes another can of beer, opening it slowly. Mark has his moments—those times when he has all these philosophical shits to say that Eunjung wonders where he’s getting. But as much as it’s weird and random, most of the time, Mark’s philosophical whatnots are also the realest.

Because just like before, he’s right. Eunjung is ignorant of a lot of things and as much as she wants to get grip of things, what she fears the most is to be overpowered by this oblivion and lose herself.

Could Mark be right too when he said Eunjung can get over it? Does he mean it when he said he believes she can accept and overcome it?

Eunjung chugs her beer, staring at the calm sky and river. It’s breath taking. It’s calming. It’s beautiful. How she wishes her life is like this view before her too.

 

 

 

**_K.J._ **

****

 “As I grew older, I realize, people has two hands; one for themselves, the other for helping others—that’s what actress and humanitarian Audrey Hepburn once said.” She mumbles to herself, twirling a pen with one hand while the other is playing with one corner of the paper she’s holding, on top of her lap—her desk is already cramped with papers and loot bags for today’s event.

She slowly turns her chair around, still mumbling and memorizing her speech. She faced her white wall—the one she filled with photos from her past travels, her first volunteer team, that one time she supported her brother in the country’s LGBTQ parade—all sort of captured moments that she chose to hang up in her wall for the times that she needs a reminder or motivation in those tough nights.

“It is in selflessness that one can find her purpose—that’s what it is for me.” She continues. She tilts her head to the side. “Or is it that’s _how it went_ for me?” She paused, thinking, then she looks down at her paper, the question still hanging in her head. Her messy script filled with scribbles isn’t helping her anymore.

“That’s how it went for me.” She repeated. “That’s what it is for me.”

She paused again, still undecided. She closed her eyes, sliding her chair from left to right, contemplating which is the right thing to complete her speech. She takes calculated moves. She knows her office by the back of her hand that, even with her eyes closed, she can tell when she’s about to hit something.

This very foundation that she built with her selflessness, just moved into its new home. It’s an old house that they bought not too long ago, one of their very first investments. It wasn’t as fancy or as big as they wanted it to be but it is more than enough for them now.

“That’s what it is for me?” she asks herself. “Or is it?”

She sighs heavily, running out of patience. How can one tiny detail distract her so much? She’s not even halfway memorizing her speech and the event is starting in less than an hour. She glides her chair back, eyes still shut, and ended up gliding too strongly that she hit her table, knocking off the lamp and stuff on top of her table, resulting to a big mess.

She opens her eyes wide only to find all her things—pens, rulers and stuff, papers and the loot bags she spent the night preparing—scattered on the table and the floor.

She groans in despair, immediately reaching for her tumbler rolling down, aiming to save it from falling before it creates a bigger mess—but it’s too late. It rolls hitting more papers, down to the floor, knocking the loot bags like a domino effect.

She bents down the floor, not knowing where to start—pick up the papers or fix the loot bags. She was kneeling on the floor when the door of her office swings open.

“Kim Jennie!” Bambam calls, barging in, only to find sight of her.

“Jennie?” he calls again, this time unsure, looking around.

“Down here.” Jennie mumbles just before Bambam leaves the room.

“What are you doing there?” Bambam asked as Jennie crawls from under the table. “What is this mess?”

“What are you wearing?” Jennie asked as she stands, getting a look of Bambam’s shiny dress suit and pointy shoes.

“What do you mean?” Bambam asked back, moving the camera hanging on his neck to get a good view of his suit. “This is YSL!”

“This isn’t a fashion show!” Jennie argued.

Bambam made a face of disbelief, wanting to argue further but then decides against his will.

“You should be worrying about a lot other than my suit.” He mumbles.

“I know!” Jennie groans. “I haven’t memorized my speech and I made a mess on the souvenirs!”

“And the catering just got in and the flowers hasn’t been up yet.” Bambam said.

“What?” Jennie asked. “I called Jisoo and she said they’ve picked it up from the florist—an hour ago!”

“Oh, well, she and Jinyoung might have argued it out in the road again.” Bambam said. “I told you it’s a bad idea to team them together. It always ends up in chaos—or wait, what if it ended up _too_ good this time?”

“Oh, shut up, Bambam.” Jennie has no time for jokes. “Fix these souvenirs and bring it out. I’ll call Jisoo.”

Jennie takes her phone from her bag to call as she walks out of her office, leaving Bambam with the mess she made. She dials Jisoo’s number but it was out of reach. She continued walking to the Sunrise Hall—where the event will take place—as she dials Jisoo’s number again and again but to no avail. At this point, Jennie doesn’t know if she should be worried about not being able to reach her best friend’s phone or about the fact that the event is slowly turning into a mess.

“It’s pointless calling me because your husband’s best friend just destroyed my phone.” Jisoo suddenly says, appearing beside Jennie with a bucket filled with red and white roses on her arms, steps heavy and annoyed. “I swear he did it on purpose.”

“What? What happened? And what are you doing with those roses? You’re supposed to pick up the centrepiece flowers!” Jennie nags, she’s really losing it now.

“My phone is resting on top of the counter and that dumbass, for some dumb excuses he can only come up with, broke a big vase on top of it—it was full of water and flowers! He made a big mess that the old lady florist had to kick us out without even finishing the centrepiece—and that is obviously why I have these loose roses with me in a bucket.”

Jennie is dumbfounded. She doesn’t know how to react about this mess—with less than an hour to fix everything.

“Why would he do that?” Jennie asked.

“I don’t know!” Jisoo replied, equally frustrated. “I told you he hates me. And I totally hate him too.”

Jennie could only sigh. “You’re almost in your thirties; you shouldn’t be fighting like pre-schoolers.”

Jisoo rolled her eyes, seeing her worst enemy approach. Jennie turned behind her and found Jinyoung, with the half-done centrepiece flower arrangement on his arms, walking towards them—face painted with guilt.

“Give that to me.” Jennie told Jisoo, referring to the bucket of roses. “Can you please just talk to the catering? They’re just getting in too.”

With a heavy sigh, Jisoo turned around. Jennie then turns to her other side, just in time when Jinyoung reached her.

“She told you it’s my fault, didn’t she?” Was Jinyoung’s greeting.

Jennie sighs again, walking past Jinyoung, the guilty man following her behind.

“What the hell happened, Jinyoung?” Jennie asked.

“It was an accident!” Jinyoung pleaded. “I was just helping the old lady in the shop when the vase slipped off my hand. I didn’t even know her phone was there!”

They reached the buffet table where the flower arrangement should be. Jinyoung puts the half-done arrangement in the center while Jennie puts the bucket of roses beside it.

“If she didn’t make a big fuss about it and start a fight, the old lady won’t kick us out of the shop!” Jinyoung continued explaining. “It’s really both our fault.”

Jennie takes a deep breath, eyes closed, gathering all her patience and silently asking the heavens how can the only two people she wants to get along ended up being the biggest enemies.

“Just, go do something else to help me here, Jinyoung.” Jennie mumbles. “Please. And while you’re at it, please apologize to Jisoo—or buy her a new phone, at least.”

Jinyoung pouts, thinking how he can buy a new phone at this moment because he’d rather do that apologize to Jisoo, before turning around to look for something else to do.

Jennie then stares at the flower arrangement in front of her—which would have been so beautiful if only things went according to plan. She sighs once again, losing track of how many times she did that today. She picks one rose from the bucket. She’s not that good with flower arrangement but her only choice right now is to do this herself.

She was in the middle of doing it, too occupied in it as if it’s some puzzle she’s doing, when someone handed her a piece of rose—exactly when she needs one. It’s probably one of their helpers; she’s too occupied to care. The person is not simply handing her a rose, he’s also pointing where to put them, helping Jennie a lot in the arrangement.

She puts the last piece of rose, completing the arrangement. She takes a step back, examining the arrangement. She feels like she wanted to rearrange some parts but she’s afraid doing so will ruin it. She knows it can get better but it’s good for now, she just hopes it’s not too simple for the guests.

The person beside her hands her another thing and as if Jennie wasn’t aware she is done with the roses, she reached for it only to notice that it’s her coat—which she doesn’t even realize she left at home until now.

Jennie turned to her side and there he is; standing firm beside her, one hand on his pocket the other reaching for her—like the calm in the midst of the storm, making her warm.

“Jaebum!” Jennie calls, throwing herself at him.

Jaebum melts into a smile before slowly wrapping his arms around Jennie, pulling her in. He pushes her head closer, burying it on his wide shoulder then planting a kiss on top of her head.

“Sorry, I’m late.” Jaebum mumbles against Jennie’s hair.

Jennie releases Jaebum a bit, after taking a good whiff of his perfume mixing with the scent of alcohol—the scent she loves so much—to take a good look at him. His white shirt is tucked under his blue pants perfectly, with his blue blazer hanging on his one arm. The boldness of his suit complements Jennie’s outfit which is a tweed suit with the colours of white and blue ashes. She looks chic but classy, and how the colours complemented her built would rather make you feel comfortable, welcoming. Jaebum is dressed exactly like what she told him to, except that he’s wearing his sneakers.

She pouts. “I’m losing my mind. It’s a mess.”

“What do you mean?” Jaebum asks, swaying the strands of hair falling from her messy bun to the back of her ear. “Everything seems—“ he looks around, realizing the mess Jennie is talking about. “Did Jinyoung and Jisoo mess it up again?”

“As if that’s my only problem.” Jennie frowns. She’s really not a whiner but it has become a habit of hers to rant at Jaebum. Marriage, apparently, doesn’t have boundaries in this field. “But there’s the catering who just got in. The flowers—I barely made it presentable. The guests are coming in soon and I haven’t even memorized my speech.”

“Hey,” Jaebum softly mumbles, taking back the coat from Jennie and putting it over her shoulders. He rests his hands on either of her shoulders. “It’s going to be fine, okay? The catering came just in time. I think Jisoo is taking care of that well. The centrepiece arrangement? It’s beautiful. I bet it’s even better than what the florist could’ve done.”

Jennie makes a face in the middle of suppressing a proud smile.

Jaebum smiled softly as he gently undoes Jennie’s messy bun, letting her loose locks fall on her shoulders, down her back.

“And you don’t have to memorize your speech.” He softly mumbles. “You just have to speak from your heart and everyone’s going to love you.”

Jennie breaks into a teary smile. Sometimes, she can’t help but feel the luckiest to be married to Jaebum.

“In case they’re crazy and ends up hating you,” Jaebum continues, his hands are on her cheeks now, his thumb caressing her cheek. “Just remember that I won’t ever stop loving you. Never.”

He leans closer then plants another kiss on Jennie’s forehead. “I’ll always be proud of you. You got this.”

 

 

“And please, it’s my honor to introduce to all of you,” Jinyoung, who’s hosting the launching event, announces. “The heart of You Matter Foundation, Miss Kim Jennie.”

Jennie, standing on the sides of the stage with her fingers intertwined with her husband’s, purses her lips as she takes a deep breath. Jaebum squeezes her hand as he leans closer to plant a good luck kiss on her temple, just before he releases her. Jennie melts into a soft smile as she nervously takes the stage.

“Good luck,” Jinyoung winks at her as he hands her the microphone, which she takes with her hand shaking.

“Hi,” Jennie turns to the crowd—group of friends, reporters and probable benefactors—all of which she intends impress.

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others—that’s what actress and humanitarian Audrey Hepburn once said.” She takes another deep breath, easing up her racing heart. She turns to her side, Jaebum has a wide smile on, cheering her. She turns back to crowd. Maybe she’s trying too hard to impress them. Maybe Jaebum is right. All she has to do is speak from her heart.

She smiles softly. “Simple words, right? But honestly, it took me quite a while to understand what it truly means.” Jennie starts with her speech. Letting herself loose and letting the words naturally slip from her heart. “It all started when I found myself in darkness, in despair. It was the dark times for me. I kept on searching and searching—for purpose, for love, for happiness—but I felt like everything is out of reach. It was like seeing happiness slowly slip away but you can’t do anything but watch it fade.”

“I felt like giving up, countless of times and countless of ways. But there are people around who didn’t—never gave up on me.” She turned to the side of the stage again, locking eyes with Jaebum and behind him are their friends—Jisoo, Jinyoung, Bambam—who has always been with her. “Even when I’m so close to letting go, they hold onto me, tight, and never let me go. They held my hand, helped me stand up and were beside me with every step until I finally found myself. With them around me, I found myself in the bliss.”

“That’s when that Hepburn quote made sense to me.” Jennie continues with a smile. “You Matter Foundation is home for the ones who feels unseen, unappreciated, unloved—for both people and animals. YMF is founded with the goal to make them feel otherwise. People and animals alike are meant to be seen, appreciated, loved. And who else are going to make them feel that way? _Us._ ”

Jennie was going to continue but she was interrupted by the crowd roaring into an applause—which was very surreal to her. She didn’t feel like saying words that mean the most to her has to be applauded but she’d like to think that it’s because they’re convinced and they believe in what she stands for.

“The world can be so cruel and dark sometimes that we may feel discouraged. But YMF is here to bring out the love in this cruel world. We’re here for you. We are always here for you.”

There was another round of applause, which now makes Jennie feel that she has to wrap her speech up.

“I hope you’re always filled with love. Even if you hate someone, I hope you are able to wrap that up with the love that you have inside you. We’re here to help you bring that love out.” Jennie smiles. “If we’re to do that, then I think we’re making life even more wonderful than it seems.”

 

 

“Do you see that lady in specs?” Jinyoung whispers to Jennie as they were standing by Sunrise Hall’s main doors, ushering guests out after the event concluded.

“The one outside?” Jennie asked to which Jinyoung nods. “What about her?”

“She’s working for the Herald and I heard her talking to the phone earlier.” Jinyoung replied. “I think you’re getting Lifestyle’s front page for the Sunday paper.”

“Oh my gosh, really?”

Jinyoung nods.

“Do you think the speech was okay?”

“Okay?” Jinyoung echoed. “It was great! We’ll be getting more benefactors for sure.”

“You think so? I was so nervous—“

“Good news! Good news!” Jisoo interrupts Jennie as she excitedly runs towards the two.

“What’s up?” Jennie asked.

“Someone outside is waiting for me. Look at ten o’clock.” Jisoo replied.

Jennie and Jinyoung turn to the said direction.

“The one wearing navy suit? Beside the Volvo?” Jennie mumbles.

“Yes!” Jisoo excitedly answers, trying hard to keep her voice down.

Jennie beams to a wide smile much to Jinyoung’s dismay.

“Who is he? He looks fancy.” Jennie dished.

“He’s the mayor’s son.” Jisoo replied. “We were talking the whole night!”

“Mayor’s son?” Jinyoung echoed. “Which one? Legitimate or not?”

Jisoo rolled her eyes at him, turning to Jennie and taking her hands to hers.

“So we were talking and I somehow convinced him to be a regular benefactor!” Jisoo said.

“Oh my gosh, really? That’s great!” Jennie exclaimed.

“I know, right?” Jisoo smiled widely. “I just have to go out for coffee with him—“

“Wait, what?” Jennie suddenly turns pale while Jinyoung’s expression darkened.

“No, I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to go out on dates in exchange of getting benefactors.” Jennie added.

“Oh no, it’s not like that.” Jisoo clarified. “The whole idea of donating to YMF is his—he was pretty impressed with you. _I_ was the one who invited him for coffee. You know, to return the favour.”

“Oh,” Jennie nods. “That’s great then?”

“Yeah, it’s totally cool.” Jisoo said. “Well, he was actually asking for my number but heavens know what happened to my phone.”

Jinyoung scoffed. “Glad it happened.”

“So, I invited him for coffee instead!”

“Talk about serendipity, huh?” Jennie gives Jinyoung a look—who is already pouting, looking away.

Jennie shakes her head, turning back to Jisoo. “So, when are you going for coffee? Maybe I can drop by to say thanks before you go on your thing.”

Jisoo hesitates. “Actually, we’re going now. That’s why he’s there waiting.”

“Now?” Jinyoung echoes in disbelief. “Don’t we have an after party later? Shouldn’t your best friend be there? And who goes out for coffee at ten pm?”

Jisoo shots Jennie a look of disbelief before turning to Jinyoung.

“ _We_ will drop by after having coffee.” Jisoo said. “And by the way, it’s just nine-thirty. Don’t be such a grandpa.”

“Grandpa?” Jinyoung echoes with another scoff. “I’m not being a grandpa, you’re just being…”

He trails off, not knowing how to continue.

“Being what?” Jisoo asked, arms crossed on her chest, glaring at Jinyoung.

Jinyoung looks away nervously.

“Y-you’re being…” he stutters. “Inconsiderate of people’s time!”

“What?” Jisoo uttered in disbelief.

Jennie sighs. “It’s happening again.”

“What is happening again, huh?” Jaebum whispers to Jennie’s ear, suddenly appearing behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Oh, gosh, Jaebum.” Jennie breathes to which Jaebum laughs softly, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“What are they arguing about this time?” he asked.

“Jisoo is going out on a date and Jinyoung isn’t very pleased about it.” Jennie informs him.

“He’s being too obvious.” Jaebum mumbles.

“ _They_ are being obvious.” Jennie said.

They stood there in each other’s arms, quietly watching their best friends burst out in another pointless argument—neither of the parties wants to give up.

“Let’s leave the battlefield.” Jaebum whispers, straightening his back and letting go of Jennie only to face her to him. “I don’t want to get involved.”

“Should we leave them like this?” Jennie chuckles.

Jaebum nods as he swiftly moves his arm from Jennie’s waist then gently grabbing her hand.

Their fingers interlaced naturally in no time. Jennie thought Jaebum is dragging her back inside the hall to help other’s clean up but they walk past the hall, straight to the back doors instead.

“Where are we going?” Jennie asked.

Jaebum’s reply came in a sly smile and continues in dragging Jennie out.

“Hey, we can’t leave them there.” Jennie said. “We’re just cleaning up here then we’ll go over at the after party, did you forget about that?”

Jaebum takes a step back, placing his hand on her cheek.

“You did great today, like you always do.” Jaebum assures.

He then leans closer, planting a soft, chaste kiss on Jennie’s lips.

“Congratulations.” He mumbles against their lips just as Jennie kisses him back.

“I’m sure they will all agree you deserve a little break.” Jaebum adds in between the kiss.

“Now, can you let your husband celebrate with you, privately?” He asked, just right after ending the kiss, their lips lingering.

Eyes still shut, Jennie melts into a smile in surrender. “You can’t make this a habit, okay?”

Jaebum takes Jennie’s hand back and walks her out of the hall, straight to his car.

It’s a Friday and the night is young at ten in the evening. The streets are busy with people walking around and with too many cars creating a huge Seoul traffic. But inside the vehicle, Jaebum and Jennie remain calm. Jaebum has one hand on the steering wheel, the other clasped with Jennie’s as she looks outside the window.

It was a quiet ride. Nothing is heard except the radio and Jaebum softly humming along whichever song comes in. It still feels so surreal for Jennie. The foundation she built just launched, with promising response from the people who was there and now, she’s with the love of her life, with her hands in his, it seems like she couldn’t ask for anything else.

“No, you did not.” Jennie told Jaebum when he pulled over at a parking space across Han River.

Jaebum couldn’t help but grin widely. “Yes, I just did.” He says as he takes off his seatbelt, immediately getting off the driver’s seat so she can beat Jennie into opening her door.

“You meant celebrating in Han River?” Jennie asks as she steps out of the car.

Jaebum shuts the door behind her, locking the car doors right after. “I know the people at the foundation are planning a proper party later, but I wanted to have you for myself first.”

“You’re crazy.” Jennie says, shaking her head as she links her arm onto Jaebum’s.

They crossed the street separating the parking space from Han River and strolls around under the night sky and with the chilly wind.

“It’s been a while since we were here.” Jennie mumbles.

“Yeah, it is.” Jaebum agreed. “This is a special place for us so I wanted to celebrate here.”

It was just like tonight—chilly and quiet—when Jennie and Jaebum first met in this exact place, about eight years ago.

 

_They were young, reckless and broken. Jennie was in the dark moments in her life. She was walking around the same spot, with beer in hand and heart full of angsts and frustrations. Jaebum just got from the university after a long series of exams, wanting to steam off the stress by chilling out by the river._

_It was just like any other night of their youth, except it was fateful and they are meant to meet each other._

_Jaebum was sitting in one bench, a Murakami book in hand as he enjoys a can of beer to himself, when he heard a girl—Jennie—whining and sobbing a few yards away from his bench. He didn’t want to meddle in her rants. He had enough stress on his own, he didn’t want to get stressed over someone else’s problems._

_But she was whining too loud and sobbing too hard and he couldn’t help but turn to her. He found her sitting restlessly on the grass. At first glance, she was looking too stressed and haggard._

_Unfortunately, Jaebum used to be really bad with his temper. Instead of talking to her calmly, or at least letting her deal with her stress alone, he walked to her and did the opposite._

_“Excuse me, Miss,” he mumbled, squatting beside her._

_Jennie remained unfazed, like she didn’t hear anything._

_“Excuse me,” Jaebum repeated._

_Still, Jennie didn’t pay attention._

_“Excuse me,” Jaebum once again repeated, voice more stern and with a tap on the shoulder that time—which may be a little bit too hard because it somehow made Jennie even more angry._

_“What?!” she turned to him with fire in her eyes._

_Jaebum was taken aback but he didn’t let it show._

_“You can’t scream and cry like that here.” Jaebum said calmly but with authority. “This is a public place.”_

_“Why?” Jennie turned to Jaebum aggressively, almost letting him lose his balance but he was quick to turn to his feet._

_“Am I not allowed to cry?” Jennie continued, her voice getting louder. That’s the only fucking thing left for me and you won’t even let me cry?”_

_People started looking at them, making Jaebum embarrassed but Jennie didn’t care about it at all._

_“How can you stop me from crying when that’s all left of me? Tears! Anger! Sadness!” Jennie screams, throwing her hands up in the air. “That’s all I have right now and you’re taking that away from me? How dare you!”_

_Watching her scream and cry like that, Jaebum can’t help but see something else in her eyes—they were dark and lonely. But amidst the darkness, he found beauty and hope in it._

_His temper suddenly dissolved into pity and care. Slowly, he moved closer to her, he took her arms and calmed her down._

_“This isn’t the way to do it.” Jaebum said, the tension is his voice was gone. “You can vent out your anger and scream your frustrations but you can’t do this to yourself. You shouldn’t let your frustration win over you.”_

_Jennie’s sobbing suddenly subsided. She couldn’t understand why this man that she doesn’t know is doing that but she knew he’s right. In fact, what he was saying is something she’s aware of. But there was something with his soft words and his warm grip that calmed her down._

_Jaebum helped her stand up._

_“You see that river?” he asked pointing at the Han River. “Scream at it. Cry all the pain away and scream your anger away.”_

_Jaebum took her hand, luckily, Jennie didn’t protest. He walked her to the river and there he told her to scream everything._

_“Now, scream.” Jaebum told her._

_Jennie was just staring at him, clueless._

_“Vent all your madness out.” He said. “Everything that you were whining about earlier, scream it at the river.”_

_Jennie slowly turned to river, still unsure._

_“Inconsiderate professors, dumb exam questions, med school—fuck you all!” Jaebum screamed._

_Jennie turned back to him with surprised look._

_“What? Are you the only one who has problems?” Jaebum asked._

_Jennie, amidst tears, broke into a smile. She then turned to the river more confidently._

_“I can take care of myself!” she screamed. “I’m not a kid anymore!” she took deep breaths in between._

_Jaebum melted into a proud smile looking at her. He turned back to the river._

_“She looks like one but she’s not a kid anymore!” Jaebum screamed along and made Jennie laugh a little._

_“I know what I want!” She screamed. “I just want to do what makes me happy!”_

_“She wants to be free!”_

_“I just want to be believed in!”_

_Jennie’s tears came back as her voice turned soft. “Why does nobody believe in me?”_

_Jaebum turned to her. He doesn’t understand why and how a girl she doesn’t know was breaking his heart seeing her sad. What he only knew was the reason wasn’t important. All he wanted is to make her feel loved._

_“Why does nobody believe in her?!” he screamed at the river._

_Jennie who was then catching her breath, turned to Jaebum. She had no idea why this stranger was doing this for her. She had no idea how simply screaming at the river with him beside her was doing so much. But she knew it was enough._

_“I believe in her.” Jaebum mumbled—it was so soft that he wasn’t sure Jennie heard it but she did, loud and clear._

_He turned to Jennie and found her staring at him. There was a brief moment of them just staring at each other before they turned away, suddenly embarrassed._

_“Now, it’s time for you to do what you gotta to do.” Jaebum broke the silence a few minutes later._

_Jennie turned at him with yet another look of confusion._

_“You can’t just end it with screaming like that.” he said. “The river didn’t sacrifice its calm slumber just for you to whine in vain.”_

_“You have to stand up and prove it to_ her _that everything you said was right.” He continued. “Prove to them all that you’re not a kid anymore. You have to do what makes you happy.”_

 

“Han!” Jennie suddenly screams, dragging Jaebum closer to the river. “I’m here again!”

“What are you doing?” It was a rhetorical question because Jaebum knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Han! I’m back!” Jennie screamed, letting go of Jaebum’s hand to bring her hands to her mouth as she screams. “I’m back and I’m better!”

Jaebum is just watching her with wide grin, half embarrassed and half amused at the girl he loves.

“Thank you for giving me strength!” Jennie screams. “Thank you for giving me the greatest gift! Thank you!”

Panting, Jennie turns to Jaebum. Her wide smile is almost making her tear up.

She held out her hand and Jaebum takes it with no hesitation, stepping close to her.

“Thank you for believing in me.” Jennie mumbles.

“Always my pleasure.” Jaebum whispers back, leaning close to plant a kiss on Jennie’s temple. “Hey, this isn’t my surprise yet.”

Jennie’s eyes widen. She totally forgot about that.

“Huh?” she mumbles.

Jaebum just smiled at her and pulled her to the other side of the park. They walked a not far and stopped by a bench, near the convenience store that sells the famous Han River ramen. There, a cake is placed in the bench together with beers and two cups of hot ramen.

Jaebum lets go of Jennie’s hand to walk ahead and take the cake, lighting up the candles as he does. He then walks back to where Jennie is standing.

“Is this the celebration you’re talking about?” Jennie asked.

Jaebum nods, smile wide. “Why? Were you expecting something else? Something more fancy?”

Jennie shakes her head. “No. This is perfect.”

Jaebum’s smile turned wider. Jennie never thought this day could get any perfect but with Jaebum in front of her smiling wide, hiding his embarrassment from this cheesy surprise behind the cake, she knows this night is about to get better.

She couldn’t be more thankful. Eight years ago, she never thought she’ll get to where she is right now. She was hopeless but just when she’s ready to give up, she came across Jaebum. Like the sun slowly rising and ending the dark night, Jaebum has became her light through the darkness, helping her stand up from her slump with nothing but his faith and love for her.

Jennie owes Jaebum most of her life right now. She never thought that a grumpy stranger will be one of the most important person in her life—the love of her life.

“Congratulations.” Jaebum mumbles, pulling Jennie from her thoughts. “Make a wish—no, actually, I’m not sure if you’re supposed to make a wish but there are candles and I think you should, at least blow them if you—“

Jaebum is basically just rambling now, just like he usually does when he’s nervous or is in an awkward situation—just like now. He’s never good with doing surprises, actually. Jennie knows that much, so she immediately shuts her eyes and clasped her hands together.

It was a blur at first. She has achieved her goals—the goals she didn’t even thought she wanted to achieve at first—and she has one person who will always believe and love her, at any cost. What else can she wish for? And that’s when it hit her. That’s when she realized she’s ready.

She melts into a smile, her eyes tearing up, as she lifts her wish to the heavens above and to Han River faithfully watching them.

She’s ready to make more of their little home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been months since we had this planned and it's also been a long wait for the readers, but it's finally here! It's actually our first time teaming up for a fiction although we've always had fantasies together. Now, we've finally shared our work to you that we almost didn't push through with :))
> 
> Jitters are always there, we both have it, but we truly hope you enjoy this roller coaster ride that we're about to give you.
> 
> Feel free to share your thoughts and leave comments, or tweet us @jinjipics and @howtobeucoco <3


	2. Rainy

**_K.J._ **

 

Jennie wakes up to a strange yet familiar damp feeling on her face. She squints her eyes, groaning softly, before opening her eyes to find Nora, one of Jaebum’s cats, licking her face. It’s the perfect good morning greeting.

“Good morning,” Jennie softly calls as she stands up from bed and takes the cat onto her arms. “Your dad left already, didn’t he? What time is it? He’s probably at work now.” She glances at their bedside watch, which tells her it’s a little bit past nine, before exiting their bedroom.

She walks to their kitchen to get herself breakfast and give their children—a group of lovable cats and dogs that she and Jaebum are taking care—their food only to find everything prepared for her. All of Jennie’s dogs; Oreo, Gimbap, Kunkun; together with Jaebum’s other cats; Kunta and Odd—are all done with their breakfast already. Jennie walks to the dining table where a hearty breakfast is waiting for her, with a note just beside her spoon, which says:

_I know you’ll only eat cereal again so I woke up early and prepared a nice breakfast for my famous wife ^^ Eat up, love. Call me when you wake up._

_PS. I already fed the kids so you just have to worry about finishing yours!_

It’s out of character but Jaebum’s softness always comes out when it comes to Jennie. Sometimes, he even goes overboard with it but even though it’s making her cringe, Jennie can’t help but break into a wide smile.

She quickly runs to their room to get her phone then back to the kitchen. She takes a photo of her breakfast and sends it to Jisoo, just wanting to annoy her best friend with her grossly cheesy breakfast. After sending the photo, she sits and starts with her breakfast, calling Jaebum just as he said in his note.

When he didn’t pick up any of Jennie’s two calls, she figured that he might be in a middle of an operation and decides to just call later. She then goes to check her email in her phone—it’s her daily thing to check her emails first thing in the morning. There weren’t new emails, especially when she spent the last night finishing all her work, so she went to check her social media instead.

It’s been two weeks since the launch of YMF, but Jennie is still getting a fair amount of write-ups about her and the foundation. People are tagging her on the different write-up and most of them, if not all, are pretty good responses. The foundation didn’t spend much on PR. Except the PR kits they gave away during the event; the good response is solely rooted from Jennie’s warmth and beautiful speech during the event. Two weeks later and Jennie is still overwhelmed with how the public responded.

She finished her breakfast and did the dishes before stepping in the bathroom for a warm bath. She woke up later than usual and is now late for work. Though the foundation works with flexible hours, her team is for sure wondering why she’s not there yet.

She took a bath and get dressed as quickly as she can. She was gathering her things when she realized she has fourteen messages and seven missed calls from Jisoo in the past forty minutes. Jennie quickly panics, that is way too much overreacting for the photo she sent this morning. There must be something going on at the foundation. The word _emergency_ in one of Jisoo’s messages was what confirmed Jennie’s hunch.

In panic, Jennie ran to her car and quickly drives to the foundation, too focused on getting there fast that she didn’t even have the time to call Jisoo back or even check her other messages.

Jennie tries her best to keep her head on the road and hand on the wheel. Her anxiety is building up the nearer she gets to the foundation. It’s a weird sensation that’s been eating her up the past weeks. Since they started planning the Foundation’s launch, to the stressful launching event, up until waiting for write ups and feedbacks and volunteers, Jennie has dedicated her all for the foundation. She didn’t leave any detail left unsupervised. It’s crazy and really stressful but she didn’t let any negativity get into her. This is something that she likes to do, it’s her passion and she’s more than willing to dedicate her all in it.

A couple of weeks may seem short but the continued success the foundation is getting—receiving lots of help and benefactors giving support to their growing family—is enough for Jennie to know that she’s doing good with it. It gives her a different kind of fulfillment, a different kind of contentment. It has become her drive to keep on moving forward, her found purpose in life.

It is exactly why sudden emergency news like this is worrying her even more than it should.

Jennie arrived at the foundation in about twenty minutes. She went inside still in panic.

“Good morning, Jennie,” Lisa, Jennie’s close friend and YMF’s receptionist and administrative head, greeted her. “Are you okay? What’s with the rush?”

Jennie, panting, gave Lisa a look of disbelief—clueless as to why the younger lady seemed so calm when there’s supposed to be an emergency.

“Where’s Jisoo? She was calling and texting me, telling me there’s some kind of emergency here. What happened?” Jennie asked.

Lisa sighs, eventually breaking in a smile.

“It’s an emergency by _her_ standards then.” Lisa says walking from behind her desk to the door of Jisoo’s office.

“What?” Jennie asked, clueless.

“Let her tell you the problem.” Lisa then knocks lightly on Jisoo’s door. “Jennie’s here.”

In less than a second, Jisoo’s door swings open, revealing a very annoyed Jisoo.

“Jennie!” Jisoo calls. “Thank God you’re here.”

“What happened?” Jennie asked as they both step inside the office.

Jisoo drags Jennie further inside and it took Jennie no time before she realized what the ‘emergency’ is—Jinyoung is lying on Jisoo’s couch, sound asleep.

“What happened?” Jennie asked calmly, before turning to Jisoo with a look of surprise. “Don’t tell me you two—“

“No! Shut up! Oh my gosh!” Jisoo turned red in embarrassment. “I came here and he’s already sleeping there like that. How can he barge in someone else’s room and sleep like that?” she groans. “I swear, I don’t think he’s a doctor. How can he be a doctor with that kind of attitude?”

Jennie couldn’t help but laugh over her best friend’s overreaction and out of relief that there isn’t any serious emergency happening.

“Why don’t you just wake him up?” Jennie asked, walking over to Jinyoung and checking on him.

“I can’t wake up a sleeping person!” Jisoo mumbles. “And he looks tired.”

Jennie eyed him.

“I mean…” Jisoo stutters, looking away. “I’m pretty sure he’ll create a ruckus and pick up a fight when I suddenly wake him up!”

Jennie sighs, turning back to Jisoo. “Yeah. But don’t you think he wouldn’t even dare sleeping here if he doesn’t want to be waken up by you?”

 “What?” Jisoo asked, clueless.

Jennie smiled at her then walks to the door, tapping Jisoo’s shoulder when she walked past her.

“Wake him up when you’re ready.” Jennie said, exiting the room.

Jennie walks back to the front desk, exchanging sighs with Lisa.

“Did I leave my journal here last night?” Jennie asked.

“You actually left it in the conference room.” Lisa told her, taking out Jennie’s journal under her desk then handing it to Jennie.”

“Oh my gosh, thanks!” Jennie said. “I’m getting so forgetful lately.”

“Uh, whatever! Let him sleep there all he wants.” Jisoo storms out of her office. She saw Jennie with her journal, crossing her arms immediately. “Did you forget your journal again?”

“I think she’s stressing herself too much.” Lisa says, turning to Jisoo. “Give yourself a break. When was the last you and Jaebum had your date night?”

Jennie blushed, caught off guard, but eventually melts in a smile. “Every night is a date night.” She winks, earning a soft squeal from Lisa and a groan from Jisoo.

“Gross.” Jisoo rolls her eye. “But you know what, Lisa is right.”

Jisoo snatches the journal from Jennie.

“Hey!” Jennie exclaimed.

“You need a break. A real one.” Jisoo said. “And you can’t do that if you kept on looking at your notes and adding more and more to it every minute. You’re overworking yourself—you’re doing stuff that’s not even your job.”

Jennie sighs, taking her journal back. “I understand what you’re trying to say. But you know I can’t just let go of things. And besides, I enjoy what I do. I’m happy.”

“You’re the only stressed person that I know who’s happy. How do you do that?” Jisoo asked.

Jennie simply shrugged but Jisoo saw something in her best friend’s eyes that doesn’t quite tell her she’s happy. It’s like there’s something she wants and yet there’s hesitation too.

“Jennie,” Jisoo calls. “Is there something—“

“Good morning! Good morning!” Youngjae cheers, voice loud and high in pitch, as he enters the room. Jackson is walking behind him.

“What’s up?” Jackson greeted.

“Oh? You’re all here?” Yugyeom asks. “What’s the meeting for?

“Nothing.” Lisa replies. “Just chatting. What’s that?” She asked, eyeing the lunch bags that Yugyeom is holding.

Youngjae suddenly bursts into laughter while Jackson throws an arm over Yugyeom’s shoulder, laughing too.

The girls give them confused looks.

“Our Yugyeom here,” Jackson mumbles in between laughter. “Made _us_ kimbaps!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yugyeom says unenthusiastically, putting the lunch bags on top of the front desk.

“They’re great.” Youngjae assured.

“Kimbaps?” Lisa echoed. Hers and Jisoo’s eyes sparkle at the sound of food as they both reach for the lunch bags, opening it and taking out the food.

“There’s fried kimari too!” Jisoo exclaims. “Huh? There are only two chopsticks though?”

Jisoo turned to Yugyeom who’s looking like a ripe tomato, making the two other guys laugh harder.

“Hey, hey,” Lisa mumbles. “I remember now! You’re supposed to go out on a lunch date with your friend from middle school!”

Youngjae nods while Jackson looks away.

“Whoa,” Jisoo teases Yugyeom, nudging his arm. “But why are you bringing it here? You got stood up?”

“No! I didn’t!” Yugyeom strongly denied. “She cancelled last minute, said she has something important to do.”

Lisa and Jisoo nod slowly, making soft sounds.

“I wasn’t stood up!” Yugyeom insisted. “You know what, I’ll eat this on my own.” He says taking the food away with a pout.

“No! No!” Lisa and Jisoo screamed in chorus, pulling the food back.

“We didn’t say anything!” Lisa says, laughing.

“Yeah, wer’e just—“ Jisoo couldn’t continue because she’s already bursting into laughter after seeing Yugyeom’s petty face.

“Hey, hey, why didn’t anyone wake me up?” Jinyoung says, walking out of Jisoo’s room and immediately standing behind Jisoo.

Jisoo’s laughter quickly fades; the mere sound of Jinyoung’s voice is already annoying her.

“Hey, Park Jinyoung!” Jisoo starts nagging, turning back to Jinyoung. “Who told you you can sleep in my office? You have your own and—“ She stops when she was faced with Jinyoung’s chest, making her blush. He’s _too_ close.

Jinyoung remains unfazed though.

“Oh, kimbap! Breakfast!” He says, reaching for a piece and closing the already small gap between him and Jisoo, making his chest, bump into Jisoo’s face.

“HEY!” Jisoo screams, pushing Jinyoung away even before he can get a piece.

“What is it this time?!” Jinyoung asks in frustration.

“You’re a…you…” Jisoo stutters, embarrassed. “Those kimbaps are ours!”

“I was taking a piece! Just one!” Jinyoung says, earning an exchange of looks from the group which later on switched into laughter. It’s the usual gimmick that those two pull-off, and now it just feels like the group are watching Tom and Jerry live in human form.

Jennie, who was simply watching beside, laughs along lightly. Sometimes, she’ll forget what’s the best thing about this whole foundation is and her friends will remind her exactly what is. Youngjae is an old friend who helps Jennie in the foundation as the coordinator for the Pups volunteer team while Jackson is up as the Life Support team’s coordinator. Yugyeom, on the other hand, is one of the first members of the You Matter family that they helped. He met Jennie when he was still a university student, struggling with student loans and on the verge of giving up his dream. Jennie and Jaebum took him in, gave him a home in the city and lots of pep talk to continue. He’s a good kid. It didn’t take long before he got back on his track and before any of them can realize, he has graduated and even landed a good job just months after graduating. In return, he has never stopped helping Jennie in the foundation, even with the smallest help he can give. Right now, he’s one of the senior members who guide YMF’s new family members.

“You’re having fun without me?” It’s almost like a scene from a sitcom when Bambam comes in with his camera on his neck, as usual, while the group are laughing and teasing each other.

Jennie smiled, stepping close to the group.

“You came in just in time, Bambam.” Jennie told him before turning to the group. “Why don’t we all share this kimbap and have late lunch outside?”

They all cheered like kids, making Jennie warm in her heart.

“We’ll set up the table outside!” Jackson initiated, dragging Bambam and Yugyeom.

“Outside?” Yugyeom suddenly mumbles. “Are you sure? It looks like it’s gonna rain.”

“That’s why we need to hurry!” Jackson said.

“I’ll order some chicken to eat with the kimbaps!” Lisa said as she takes and dials on her phone.

“Yes, please! Yangnyeom chicken!” Jisoo exclaimed.

“Hey, plain fried chicken is better!” Jinyoung said.

“What? Are you crazy? Plain fried chicken is boring.” Jisoo grins. “Like you.”

Jinyoung makes a face. “Yangnyeom chicken is _too much_ like you.”

Jisoo just groaned, turning to Lisa. “Yangnyeom chicken please.”

“Lisa, fried chicken.” Jinyoung says.

“Half and half is a thing, you know?” Youngjae butts in.

Lisa shakes her head. “Ignore them, they’re just arguing for the sake of arguing.”

Jennie sighs, grabbing Jisoo’s arm and dragging her out to the garden where the guys are setting up the table.

“Can you survive a whole minute without arguing with Jinyoung?” Jennie whispered, making Jisoo blush.

“He’s the one who started!” Jisoo says in guilt, making Jennie laugh.

Jisoo wanted to argue and make some excuse but she realized her best friend is right. She bickers with Jinyoung more than she wants to.

They were walking to the direction of the table when Jennie suddenly drags Jisoo the opposite way, to the wooden swing they have in the center of the garden. The swing is in the middle of roses and daisies, it was a gift from Jaebum to Jennie for the launch of the foundation.

“What’s up?” Jisoo asks Jennie.

Jennie didn’t reply and instead, lets Jisoo sit on the swing before sitting beside her.

Youngjae was right, the sky is getting cloudier and it’s looking like it’s about to rain. But the wind is still calm. It’s gloomy but the breeze is just comforting.

Jisoo thinks about how to talk to Jennie. She doesn’t really know what to say. She just felt like there’s something bothering Jennie.

“Jennie?” Jisoo mumbles. “Is there anything wrong?”

“Is there something bothering you?”

The question caught Jennie off guard, it was pretty random but she ended up chuckling.

“Nothing!” She replied confidently. Though, after hearing Jisoo’s question, she’s starting to realize that maybe there is something bothering her.

“Do I look troubled?” Jennie asked.

Jisoo sighed. “No. But then that’s your thing! Whenever you get so stressed and all over the place, it’s mostly because you’re taking your mind off of something.”

“You’re being just like that now.” Jisoo continues. “But I feel bad as a friend because I have no idea what’s bothering you. Everything is working well with the foundation, your married life is happy, things are great with Jaebum—it is, right?”

Jennie’s heart starts racing in her chest. She bites her lip. It’s true that she’s been keeping her mind off of something but with Jisoo giving her the talk right now, Jennie realizes that maybe she’s had enough of running from it. In fact, maybe she genuinely wants it but is just too scared to accept it.

Jennie turns to Jisoo. “Remember when we were younger? We would always watch those sappy rom-coms with the leads falling in love and getting married. And we’d end up crying looking like fools but then we were also young and were so afraid of falling in love and getting our hearts broken.”

She was just rambling but Jisoo understood every word. They were friends since middle school; they basically grew up with each other—like sisters. They’ve been with each other during their naïve days, when they first fell in love, when they got heartbroken and fell in love again. Until, for Jennie, when she found true love and settling down for marriage.

They’ve been with each other when they got nothing but questions about the world. They’ve been together as they grow to be the persons that they are today.

Jisoo nods emotionally. “Yes, I remember those very clearly—even my ugly bangs in high school that comes with the memory.”

Jennie laughs lightly.

“It’s just that,” Jennie continues. “Lately, I’ve been thinking about it. We were so young and dumb.” She laughs and so did Jisoo. “When love isn’t even that bad. It’s scary, yes. Terrifying even. But it’s nothing compared to the happiness that it can bring.”

Jisoo shakes her head. “You’re so madly in love with Jaebum.”

Jennie grins, couldn’t hide her gummy smile.

“I am.” She admits. “I love him so much that I’m willing to let go of everything—well, maybe not let go completely, but maybe just a little.” She laughs. “But other than that, I also want _you_ to be happy.”

Jisoo then looks at Jennie confusingly, but Jennie went on with her little speech while holding her best friend’s hand. “I know, it’s not something you can just easily find, but it’s something I know you truly deserve. For all the help that you have given me, my relationship, and this foundation, that’s all I could ever ask for.”

“Because if there’s one thing I’m afraid of happening, it’s not being able to be by your side when you need me. I’m afraid that one day, when the odds are y’know, _cruel_ , and they take me away for some reasons, my biggest fear is that no one’s going to be there to look after the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Jennie, I just asked if there’s something bothering you, I didn’t ask you to make me cry!” Jisoo whines while wiping a tear off her cheek. She breathed for a while before finally facing her also teary eyed best friend. “So what is your big revelation Ms. Jennie Kim?”

Jennie grins at her crying friend. “You just know me, huh?”

Jisoo proudly smiles at her friend. “You do great speeches like this and make me cry when you have big plans going on inside your head.”

Jennie picked up a full-bloomed daisy and smiled at it. “Jisoo, I think it’s finally time.”

Jisoo looked at the daisy on Jennie’s hand noticing how vibrant its colors are. “Time to what?” Jisoo asked.

Jennie paused and looked at her friend, smiling. “It’s time to have a little daisy bloom in this home Jaebum and I have built.”

It took a while before Jisoo understood what Jennie meant but the moment she did, Jisoo couldn’t contain her excitement and squealed. It earned a few head turns from the group before Jennie brings her hands to close her mouth.

“Sorry!” Jisoo mumbles, moving her hands away to speak. “You’re finally getting pregnant?!” She asks, as if to make sure.

Jennie’s smile turned wider, tears forming at the brim of her eyes. “Yes.”

“Oh my gosh,” Jisoo exclaims, softer this time. “I’m so happy for you.”

They pull each other in a hug like a couple of emotional women, not minding if their friends are giving them looks from a far.

“Hold on,” Jisoo says as they pull away from the hug. “That’s why you’re planning like a crazy woman! You’re not taking your mind off of something. You’re fixing everything for when you leave.” The excitement on Jisoo’s voice fades into melancholy.

“Was I?” It was a rhetorical question because that’s exactly what she’s doing.

She has been working extra hard with the foundation, organizing everything, so that it won’t be hard for Jisoo and the rest of the family once she leaves. Though she’s not planning to leave the foundation entirely, but she knows that having a family of their own will take away much of her time from the foundation. She just didn’t want things to be hard for everyone else.

Jisoo reaches for Jennie’s hand. “I’m so happy for you, Jennie. You are going to be a _great_ mother. You and Jaebum are gonna have a beautiful family.”

 

 

The chicken they ordered arrived a couple of minutes later and they didn’t waste any time and started savoring a late lunch at three in the afternoon. The weather may be gloomy but their smiles and laughter makes the afternoon way better than any other sunny day. They have all been busy with preparing for the launch and officially operating the foundation that they didn’t really have a decent time to have fun like this.

Jisoo and Jinyoung’s unending bickering, Jackson and his funny stories, Youngjae and Lisa’s harmonious laughters and Yugyeom and Bambam’s crazy antics are all keeping them occupied and making them forget about the time. They didn’t even realize that the night is slowly approaching until the rain starts pouring, quickly drenching them.

They all stood up like worms being sprinkled with salt. They tried cleaning up, saving what can be saved from the chicken and kimbap that they were eating, while trying hard not to get wet but it’s pointless. They still ended up getting drenched. So, instead of getting inside, they just enjoyed the rain and played like little kids.

They run around the garden. Jackson picking up the gardening hose to play with, aiming at his friends. Before they knew it, they were playing tag with Jackson as the it. Everyone was running like their life depends on it. Lisa and Jennie run to hide behind the plants—totally useless. Yugyeom is being brave and pushing Jackson around only for him to hit Youngjae. Jisoo is dragging Jinyoung around as shield and Bambam kept on screaming that he has a camera on his neck as if Jackson will spare him. He won’t, of course, so Bambam just hides his camera behind his jacket.

They were out for an hour or so before getting inside the building; all soaked in water and high with happiness.

“My camera!” Bambam screams, leading the way inside, as he checks his camera.

Jackson and Lisa immediately run to one of the rooms, taking towels and foundation shirts for them to change in. Jackson walks out of the room, throwing towels around.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung each catch one without a flinch as they walk to Bambam to check on his camera.

“I just bought this.” Bambam whines as if he didn’t play under the rain with his own will.

“See? That’s what happens when you try to brag.” Jinyoung mumbles. “Still working?”

Bambam looks up and points the camera at Yugyeom, quickly taking a photo to check.

“Oh? It works just fine!” Bambam exclaims as he takes another photo, this time pointing the camera to the rest of the group, again, successfully taking a photo. “Great!”

“Guys! Guys!” Bambam calls. “Let’s take a group photo!”

“What? Are you crazy? We look like wet chickens.” Lisa said.

“It’s fine! It’ll make a great photo, even!” Bambam said, walking to the front desk. Without a tripod, he is forced to improvise.

“It’s cold” Jisoo mumbles, wrapping a towel around her. “Are you sure about that, Bam?”

“I think it’s a good idea!” Jackson said. “It’s gonna be a good photo. We should hang it here in the foundation.”

“You guys are crazy.” Lisa mumbles.

“Let’s just take it and decide later on. Come on, I’m cold.” Youngjae said.

They went on arguing again but everyone ends up getting into their positions, with Jennie in the center.

“Ready? Putting the timer at ten seconds.” Bambam says as he frames the shot. “Okay. Ten, nine,” he mumbles as he runs from behind the front desk to the group.

“This is a crazy idea.”

“I’m so cold, faster.”

“Bambam is just showing off his new camera.”

“This is gonna be so great!”

“This is fun.”

“I love you all, guys!”

“Quiet!”

It was not even ten seconds but they couldn’t even keep quiet. They’re loud and sometimes too much to handle but these people are everything to Jennie. For the longest time they are her family. They still are, they will always be. Even by the time Jennie and Jaebum start their own, her You Matter family will always own a huge part of her.

“Is it not done yet?” Jackson asked behind his smile. “My face hurts already.”

“Done! But hold on, don’t move.” Bambam says, walking to his camera. “Let’s check it first.”

But none of them felt like listening, they moved and all lose their positions anyway.

“Looks great!” Bambam exclaims. Lisa and Youngjae immediately walking to him to check the photo.

“ _Aw_. That’s cute!” Lisa said. “It looks like Jisoo and Jinyoung aren’t going for each other’s throats twenty-four-seven.”

“Shut up.” Jisoo groans.

“What?” Jinyoung asks, walking towards them.

It didn’t even take a minute before they all flock into Bambam to check the photo. Jennie takes a moment watching her friends, savoring the moment, before she walks to them—only for her phone to ring. She takes it, answers it without checking who is it calling, as she walks to the group.

“Hello?” She answers.

“Hey,” Upon hearing Jaebum’s soft mumble, Jennie stopped her tracks and turns back to watch the rain pour outside as she talks to Jaebum.

“Sorry I couldn’t answer your calls earlier.” Jaebum continues. “And it took me a while to call back.”

“It’s fine.” Jennie assured. “Long day at work?”

Jaebum sighs. He just walked out of the operation room, one hand holding his phone, the other swiftly removing his hair cap and revealing his sweaty hair. He makes mental note to get a haircut as he feels the damp tips of his hair hitting his eyes. He immediately pushes his hair back, away from his face.

“Long day at the operating room.” Jaebum said heavily. “There was this cat that was rescued in the streets last night. She was very sick, had a tumor in her lungs.”

Jennie could only frown listening to Jaebum’s story but she lets him finish before reacting.

“I almost cried when I saw her this morning, she looks like Nora.” Jennie could hear the sadness in his voice. “But of course, I didn’t.” He let out a dry chuckle, making Jennie laugh too.

Jaebum went on with telling Jennie about his day, not leaving any detail left unsaid. It always amuses Jennie how Jaebum gets lost in his own world whenever he talks about his passions. It’s one of the things that she loves the most about him.

“Sorry, I’m talking too much again.” Jaebum mumbles, pulling Jennie from her thoughts. “How’s your day going? Are you at the foundation?”

Jennie smiled. “Yeah, everyone’s here. We had late lunch out side and stayed there for quite a while until it started—“

“Raining.” Jaebum mumbles to himself but ends up finishing Jennie’s sentence. He stands at the hospital corridor, watching the raindrops dance on the glass wall. “It’s raining.”

“Yeah, hey,” Jennie suddenly says, an urge running through her. “You haven’t eaten anything, didn’t you? Do you want me to drive there and bring you food?”

“Huh? I’m about to leave in an hour so,” Jaebum says.

“Yugyeom made kimbaps and I think there’s some left.”

“You’ll drive here just for that? We can eat it together at home.”

“Yeah. It’s okay. And besides,” Jennie bites her lip, excitement is suddenly rushing over her. “I have something to tell you.”

Jaebum didn’t say anything, thinking and at the same time wondering why Jennie is suddenly so eager to meet him in the hospital.

“It’s important and it can’t wait.” Jennie added.

Jaebum sighs, surrendering. “Just drive safe, okay? I’ll be waiting for you here.”

Jennie then hummed on the other line as her reply.

There was a quick moment of silence between the call, but it was the kind of silence that has always comforted the two. Jaebeom then smiled to himself and told his wife what he has always felt for her.

“ _I love you._ ”

 

 

**_K.E.J._ **

****

Eunjung walks in pride in the small paths of the gallery. There is an undeniable smile plastered on her face. She can’t help but feel butterflies on her stomach as she looks at each of her works hanging on the wall. It’s hers. It’s all hers. These are all the fruit of her labor.

That painting of a child alone in the playground, the painting of a woman crying in the middle of a busy road, that painting of girl sitting on top of a long staircase—she walks past by each of her painting, reminiscing all the hardships and heartbreaks she had painting them. Tears are starting to well up in her eyes but she’s trying so hard not to shed one.

She continued walking until she reached the biggest painting in the gallery, hanging on the center of the wall. Her best masterpiece. She was standing a foot away, staring at each stroke. She can still remember very vividly, from the time when it was nothing but an empty canvas, to every stroke and line she added—she remembers every single one of it, especially the emotion she had doing it.

She steps closer, closing the gap that’s keeping her away from the biggest representation of her life. Slowly, she reaches for the painting. Normally, it’s something that’s not allowed in exhibits, but she doesn’t care. It’s her masterpiece and she’s supposed to feel it. She trailed her fingers, from the neck of her subject, up to his eyes, the uneven bumps of dried paint against her skin brings back all the pain she had painting it.

She stared at his eyes, just where her fingers are. A weird kind of sensation rush over her as she looks at his eyes. She has always seen this painting as a reflection of who she is, of everything she’s been through. Seeing this painting hanging on a huge wall, given importance with the lights and all, she can’t help but think about herself too. She’s supposed to feel this way too. _She’s special too_.

Looking at this painting now makes it even harder to keep the tears from falling; the overwhelming emotion is getting unbearable. But she stares ahead.

Until, suddenly, his eyes moved. It blinked, or its eyes glistened or the pupils dilated—Eunjung can’t really tell but she’s sure it moved. For a moment there, _he_ came to life. That’s when the tears finally fall, that’s when she can’t keep it in anymore.

Despite getting scared, she felt like it’s inviting her in. So, slowly, she takes a step closer—as if responding to the call.

She was inching closer when she heard a mumble. _He_ is calling her. She’s sure it’s calling her but it’s a name she has never heard before.

She steps back, as if to check the painting, when it started mumbling again, louder this time. But as it gets louder, it gets more incomprehensible for Eunjung. He continues to mumble until the mumble turns into a cry, eventually turning into a screeching sound that’s both ear hurting and heart shattering.

Then, she wakes up.

Eunjung wakes up to the sound of her phone’s alarm. She opens her eyes, head spinning and back hurting as she sits up from the couch where she’s lying in. She had fallen asleep in her studio again. Still in her clothes from last night and dirty painting apron, she reaches for her phone, switching off the alarm. Heaven knows how long it has been snoozing.

She groans from the headache but it quickly turns into a grunt when she saw the time. It’s quarter past three. The alarm is not to wake her up from the night’s sleep; it’s an alarm to remind her of her shift at work.

“Fuck.” She curses as she gets up from the couch, running to her small closet in the studio where she keeps fresh clothes for times of emergency like this.

She has used all her clothes she’s keeping here though, leaving her with nothing but an old sweatshirt to change in. But fashion is the least of her problems right now. So, she quickly changes into the shirt, gets her coat and bag in a rush, before leaving her studio to get to her car.

She steps out, seeing the sky dark and gloomy, as if reminding her how unfortunate her life is. She starts the engine and drives in a rush to her part time job, a coffee shop about thirty-minute drive away, as she curses herself and the fucked up situation that she’s in. If her mother only cares about her and supports her in the one thing she loves doing, she wouldn’t be struggling working low-paying jobs like this. She didn’t even have to pay for her studio and equipment on her own. If only her mother cares for her that much.

Eunjung was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn’t notice a car coming when she’s about to take a turn in a highway. If not for the long and loud endless honk, she would probably miss stepping on her breaks. She just saved herself from a deathly experience but she can’t claim she’s entirely thankful about it.

She pulled over behind the coffee shop, where employees get to park their car. She gets off the car and, in the universe’s perfect timing, the rain started pouring down.

“Fuck.” She cursed to herself, for probably the hundredth time in the past hour, as she runs under the pouring rain. This is just too much for her. Not only are things going against her plans, but nothing seems to be going right either. Everything’s a mess. At this point, giving up is wiser than anything.

“Good morning! It’s your lucky day! The boss isn’t coming to work so we can mess up the time records.” Doyoung, her coworker, cheekily greets with a wink as Eunjung enters the coffee shop.

She ignores him though, treated him like the wind, and walks straight to the locker room to change. She changed into her uniform in a swift move. She closes her locker only to find her reflection staring back at her through the mirror hanging in her locker.

She stared at the mess she found in front of her. The bags underneath her eyes protruding evidently, strands of her unwashed hair going all over the place, a few paint splatters on her face that she couldn’t even bother removing – her entirety. She hated all of it. She hated what she’s seeing.

“You disgust me.” She hissed to herself before walking out of the changing room, back to the cashier.

“Good morning,” Doyoung repeated, softer this time but still left unanswered.

“I guess it’s not a good morning for you then.” Doyoung mumbles with a sigh.

Eunjung takes a deep, exasperated breath. “Sorry, I just really hate rainy days.”

“It’s perfect for cuddling. Why hate it?” Doyoung replies with a mumble.

Eunjung rolls her eyes, totally done with everything. “Not everyone is in a relationship like you, Doyoung. I just hate it.”

“I’m single though.” Doyoung mumbles to himself but it was loud enough for Eunjung to hear. Though, she acted like she didn’t hear anything. She has no energy to talk about the lameness of relationships.

It was a lie. Eunjung knows exactly why she hates rainy days. It’s the dark, gloomy, and sad feeling that the rain brings. It always reminds her how her life is nothing but a long, unbearable storm. She has been drenched for too long; the cold and harsh wind doesn’t bother her anymore. She once dreamed of seeing the sunrise but now, she has grown to believe that she will never see the rays of the sun. The raindrops hitting the glass walls is always a painful reminder of all that.

Eunjung and Doyoung worked quietly in sync, like they always do, for the rest of the afternoon. Customers kept on coming inside, people truly feel the need to have coffee when it’s cold and raining outside. By the time they can take a quick break, it’s already around night time.

Doyoung walks over to the cashier, mindlessly watching Eunjung as she checks the pastries. He unconsciously reaches for Eunjung’s face, wiping a paint stain on her cheek.

“How long was that stain there?” Doyoung laughs as he does, totally mindless of the sudden touch until Eunjung turned to him with eyes wide in surprise.

Doyoung turned pale, froze in his place, before moving back.

“S-sorry.” He stutters, suddenly embarrassed. “I was just…it doesn’t look good to customers when the cashier has a yellow paint on her cheek.”

Eunjung shakes her head, smiling, knowing very well that the sudden action doesn’t mean anything anyway.

“Anyway, how’s the painting going?” Doyoung was quit to change the topic.

Eunjung’s smile turned wider, more excited.

“I just finished it!” she exclaimed. Her eyes sparkle with joy, a sight that Doyoung rarely sees.

“Really? That’s great!” Doyoung said. “What was the subject of your painting again?”

“Strangers.” Eunjung replied.

“Strangers? Like the people you see in the street? Our customers?”

Eunjung shakes her head. “No. It would be hard painting real people. Some of them are just from my imagination but most of them, they come from my dreams.”

“Dreams? How do you remember stuff from your dreams?” Doyoung puzzled.

“I sketch them as soon as I wake up. Then, I’ll just paint them for real, in a canvas.” Eunjung gladly explained.

They talked about her paintings until Eunjung’s break time came. She left Doyoung in the cashier to go to the locker room. She doesn’t really go out or eat during her break, she just rests to sit or to check her phone—which she did. She fished her phone from the pocket of her coat. Her heart felt like falling from her chest when she was welcomed by 14 messages and 37 calls from Mark.

Her hands are shaking. She doesn’t feel good. Getting bombarded with messages from Mark only meant bad things. She keeps on dialing Mark’s number but her shaking fingers are betraying her, making her feel even worse.

As if seeing her struggle, Mark suddenly calls Eunjung. The sudden vibration of her phone alarmed her that her phone almost fell from her hand, but she was quick to take a grip on it. She takes the call, putting the phone on her ear in an instant.

“Fuck. Eunjung?” Mark mumbles, his voice in panic. “Thank God, you’re alive! Where the fuck are you and why are you not answering your phone? I thought you were inside your studio!”

 _Alive? Inside the studio?_ It’s too much for Eunjung, the panic in Mark’s voice is ringing in her head. She’s now sure something bad has happened, or is happening. Her head is spinning and her chest is hurting.

“What happened?” She manages to ask, even though her throat is dry.

The other line was quiet. Nothing is heard except Mark’s breathing.

“What happened, Mark?” She repeated. “What the hell happened to my studio?”

“Your studio building is on fire.” Mark answered, almost breathless. “I don’t know the details yet. I just heard it from the news and I kept on calling and texting you but you were not replying so I’m now on my way to your building. They said the fire is big. Eunjung, I’m sorry.”

 _Your studio building is on fire_. None of Mark’s words after that mattered to Eunjung anymore. Her chest feels tighter, her knees got weak. Her studio. Her paintings. _Her everything_.

She runs outside the coffee shop, through the backdoor, not even minding to say goodbye to Doyoung. She went straight to her car. The rain is pouring harder than it was earlier. She drives to her studio with nothing but her painting in mind. She drives recklessly, not caring about road laws and safety. She doesn’t care about anything else. She needs to get there fast. She has no idea how big the fire was, if getting there is even useful. Can she even save her paintings? She doesn’t know. She’s confused, frustrated and heartbroken.

She is still a couple of meters away from the building but she can already see it. It’s perfectly clear. Just like her paintings, it’s dark, it’s a mix of blacks and grays, with tongues of red and orange flame dancing below it—big smoke and fire emerging from her studio building. Despite the strong rain, the fire itself is indestructible, burning everything down, _including her dreams_. The building itself is almost unrecognizable from how big the fire has been.

She pulls over at the side of the road, just staring ahead of her. She’s helpless. She can’t do anything but watch her whole world crash on the ground. Everything that she is turns into ashes. It was her everything. Those are her hardships, her struggles, her dreams—her last string of hope. She cries, hard and loud, screaming curses at everything. This is too much for her. This is just so unfair. Just why, why does she have to experience all of these?

With her last string of hope slipping away before her eyes, she steps on her pedals, hard and angry, driving away. She has no idea where she’ll go. She just drives away, recklessly, trying to express her overwhelming frustration through the wheels.

“I want to die.” She cries. “I want to die.”

“I want to die.”

“I want to die.”

“I want to die.”

She keeps on repeating to herself.

“Why does it have to be me? What have I done to fucking deserve this? Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just be me?”

“ _I’m so tired_.” She sobs. “I’m so fucking tired of this fucking life.”

“I just want this to end.”

She steps on the breaks, aggressively and unknowingly. She stops in the middle of the highway, crying and not caring about anything else. She catches her breathing; slowly she embraces the steering wheel and bows her head down.

All of her works and the emotions and memories that come with it flash before her eyes. It’s painful. She can feel a screeching pain in her chest that gets intolerable with every second that passes. She hears a ringing sound in her ears, making her jump. She looks around and found cars around them. The drivers are honking but the sound ringing in her ears is not coming from those cars. It’s way louder, more painful to the ears and heart shattering.

She looks at her rearview mirror, affliction pangs through her veins when she saw a pair of eyes staring at her. A pair of eyes she knows by heart. The pair of eyes that saw all of her pain, felt her pain and brought her pain. It was her greatest masterpiece.

She felt her heart beating again, a warm feeling creeping through her veins. It’s like coming back to life. In a quick glance, she felt hope.

She was staring at those eyes when it suddenly melts into light approaching from behind, the eyes getting lost in the light. And just like that, her world comes back crumbling down.

Eunjung feels the torment back through her whole body. This time, it’s worse. It’s physical and she can’t help but cry in pain. She feels like her skin is being torn by shards of glass and her bones are being trampled upon by heavy metals. She tries to scream for help but all that comes out from her lips is a voiceless cry.

She felt a force coming to her. It was big, heavy, but Eunjung didn’t feel anything. She wanted to scream, to beg, to save herself but she couldn’t. Not a single word is uttered because all she can do is cry and drown in her own ocean of regret. Right when the agony ended, right when her broken and torn flesh landed on the ground, right when her blood poured out along with her hopes and dreams, there she saw another woman’s face—a face she has never seen before and yet looks so eerily familiar.

Eunjung knows that she is just another unfortunate stranger, someone who was dragged into this whole fucked up mess before her. But the eyes of this stranger carry pain too, just like her. These pair of eyes mirrors hers and yet it seems peaceful.

This stranger looks back at her too, her eyes slowly blinking with tears flowing down her blood stained cheeks. She gives Eunjung a soft smile – it is painful but is also sweet. She is surrounded by melancholy, but is still full of hope.

Eunjung doesn’t know what has gotten into her, maybe it’s the death-like sensation, or maybe she’s just desperate. But right before her whole world turned into darkness, she finally found her voice.

“Save me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took us a while to post chapter 2, but here it is! :D We know it must be very confusing for you guys :c but we promise it will make sense later on hehe.
> 
> anyway, what are your theories? what do you think is happening? we'd absolutely love to know your thoughts~ may it be through comments section, dms, or cc <3
> 
> the next chapter will be up soon! thank you so much for reading and waiting <333


	3. You/Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's an extra chapter for you guys! we hope you enjoy it~ <3

She fell into a deep slumber—or at least, that’s what she thought. There is pain she’s feeling, an intolerable pain that she’s feeling but she’s choosing to ignore it. She doesn’t want to wake up. She knows that the moment she opens her eyes, reality will come and slap her hard once again.

But she can only sleep for so long. The more that she tries to keep her eyes shut, ignoring her awakened state, the more that she feels like she’s drowning. Soon, after what felt like an eternity of torment, her eyes finally flashed open.

Water. Darkness. Emptiness. That’s all that she saw. She is sinking deeper and deeper into what seems like a dark, deep ocean. _Why am I in an ocean? Why am I drowning? When did I get here? How did I get here?_ —questions flash in her already confused mind. She was trying to get answers before she realized that it is getting harder and harder for her to breathe. She can’t tell if it’s the water sinking her in or if it’s the questions floating in her mind—but she tried to swim away. Struggling, she tries to find her way back to where the air, the sun and the shore reside. Back to where life is.

Then, amidst the dark ocean around her, she sees a light seeping from above—only to feel that she can’t hold her breath for much too long anymore. Then, she lets go. She lets herself sink for a long time, losing all her breath that could have helped her swim towards that light. She’s felt like giving up. But with that light, slowly fading ahead of her, she swims again. With all her remaining strength, she swims further. Even though it’s hard, even though it feels like the ocean is just pulling her down, she swims ahead.

That’s when it hit her.

This isn’t just any ordinary ocean that she’s in. This is _her_ ocean. She is not simply letting herself sink. This ocean that is puling her in; this ocean that is filled with darkness and emptiness; this ocean is her own ocean of regrets. All this time, she has been letting herself drown.

She turned around, looking back from where she was and saw the car that she was driving earlier. With the sight of the vehicle, events that happened earlier that day flash before her eyes. Waking up in her room, rushing to working, talking to her friends—up until that moment when her world was crashing right before her eyes. Then she sees her greatest masterpiece—its eyes. Then it fades to the eyes of that stranger. Struggling just like her and yet calm. As the events play in her head like the most painful film there is, the reality in front of her becomes clearer. She sees herself inside that torn and ripped car; her body lying in blood, lifeless.

She started getting scared, way more scared than she has ever been. For the first time in a really long time, she’s seeking for survival. She wanted to get out of this ocean. She wants to stop drowning. She _needs_ to stop drowning. She wanted to get out the regrets that keep on eating her up. She cries for help.

_I don’t want to die. Please let me live. Please. Save me._

And so she swims ahead. She struggles to save herself, pulling herself out of this ocean of regrets. With all her might and will, she swims further ahead, until it was her last breath.

 

The sun’s heat radiated against the open area. The waves crashing are strong but it sounded like a soft lullaby. The contrasting sound of the waves and the heat of the sun, along with the cool breeze, make the weather more confusing than it already is.

She is lying on the shore. She smelled like the ocean—salty and watery, and yet dry. The sand against her skin is warm, almost too warm that she is finding comfort in it. The comfort didn’t last for too long though. Soon, she found herself begging for air. She opens her mouth in a gasp, tasting the ocean in the wind. In a snap, she felt the warmth of the sun seeping through her skin, giving her the feeling of life once again.

She is lying on the shore, but not too far from the water. She can still feel the tongues of the waves hitting her weak body. She was thrown out of the sea, far from drowning. She’s safe from the dark ocean but she felt exhausted, defeated.

That’s when it made sense. She’s dead. She died battling that ocean and its harsh waves—that’s what she believes—and this is the afterlife that she’s in right now.

Growing up, she has always wondered what life after death would be. How would it look like, feel like? Would it be like what everyone thought it will be? Is there a heaven where angels will come and welcome her at the gates of heaven? Is there hell waiting for her too? Where the evils and demons, hungry for another soul, are waiting for her burnt soul? How she wished it is the latter. The suffering she just experienced, drowning in a dark, deep and wide ocean full of regrets only to walk alone in a shore that seems endless—it’s too much for her that she’d rather be eaten by souls than be left here alone in despair, battling her own self.

She kept on walking. She takes glances behind her, looking back on how much she has walked. It seems like she came a long way already, but the path ahead is obviously longer. There’s a sinking feeling in her chest seeing her own tracks behind her. One pair of feet. One human being. Just her. _Solo_. She’s all alone.

But still, she continued walking. She walks ahead, losing track of how long she has been walking. She has lost track of what is going on—not like she has any idea of what was going on from the start. But the further she walks, the more that it gets oblivious to her. She kept on walking until she lost track of time. She could have been walking for hours, days, weeks even—or worse, years. She doesn’t know how long for sure but she’s certain it’s been dreadfully long.

She’s tired, she wants to stop and take a break but it seems like she has lost control over her feet. She looks down at her feet and that’s when she saw them bleeding. She didn’t feel anything at all but it looks pretty bad. She might have stepped on something sharp, a broken shell or something. Or, maybe, she’s just walking for too long that it’s taking a toll on her poor feet. Still, she felt nothing. She was so used to pain that even stepping on fresh wounds doesn’t make her feel anything any more.

And so she continues walking.

She looks ahead of her, her eyes landing on the calm sea before her, seeing the sun rising to its dawn. It’s breathtaking, too beautiful that it’s surreal. She gasped, breaking into tears. She can’t help but wonder _how many sunrises have I missed?_

That’s when she realized why she kept on walking. It’s hope. Amidst her chaotic mind and troubled heart, hope lies within. Tiny, it seems, for now but it is enough for her to keep going, to keep on walking even though she’s wounding herself. There is hope in her that all these will be over. She is hoping that this endless trail will have its own ending. She is hoping that someone, somewhere out there, will find her; pick her up and finally save her from this endless path of pain.

She looks ahead, far far ahead, hearing a soft noise. For the first time in a long time, she felt relief gushing through her. She looks further ahead, the blurry vision turning clearer, and then she sees a moving image. It could be a wild animal—she doesn’t care anymore as long as there’s a sign of life. Finally, she’s not alone anymore. She walks further ahead, her steps getting bigger and faster, eager to see what it is in front of her. To her surprise, it was no wild animal and neither a friendly pet. It is a person, a child.

Tears drop vastly from the brim of her eyes. She’s beyond happy seeing a child she has never met before. Her quick steps turn faster and faster until she’s running. She just wants to get closer to the child, not minding her wounds and scratches. All she wants is to finally be with someone _alive._

She stopped a couple of steps away from the child, whom, she realized, is a girl. She stands, catching her breath and just admiring the girl from a far as tears fall down her cheeks.

It took her a while to realize that the girl is building a sand castle by the shore. Just like any other kid, she is carelessly happy, not minding anything else except that little world of her own. The child reminded her of when she was younger. Just like this girl, she was once happy too, not minding anything else except her own happiness.

She was about to walk to the girl when the waves reached her castle, ruining the sand castle and leaving the poor little girl in tears. She was going to approach the girl, eager to comfort her and stop her from crying when another woman, not so much older than she is, comes to the girl instead. She pulls the little girl in her arms, patting her head and humming some melodies that successfully stopped the little girl from crying. She must be her mom.

She felt scared at first, worried that the woman might blame her for what happened but then she felt happy. She felt a warm feeling in her chest. Finally, someone is here to help her. So, slowly, she approached the woman and the girl but she stopped her tracks when she saw a man walking to them from behind. Her heart sinks at the sight of the man. He looks familiar. _Too_ familiar that she felt her heartbreaking, the pit in her chest is getting bigger and she’s starting to feel and remembering everything again—the battles, frustrations, defeats, _the pain._ It is all coming back at once, making it hard for her to breathe. She doesn’t know this man but it felt like he’s made for her to feel all those pain.

She wants to run to the woman and the child to ask for help but it seems like they’re not seeing her. It was as if she’s just watching someone else’s memory, a part of someone’s life that she’s not supposed to see.

“It’s all gone now, Mom.” The girl cries. “My castle…ruined.”

The woman simply pats the girl’s head.

“It’s the wave…” the girl continues. “It’s the waves’ fault!”

“No, Dear.” The woman mumbles softly, wiping the tear off of the girl’s cheeks. “It’s no one’s fault.”

The woman smiles. It’s the kind of smile that is so warming that it can assure anyone that things will get better.

“The waves will always be there. It will always come crashing the sand because it’s meant to be like that.” The woman continues. “And so is the sand. It will always be there and we can always make sand castles with it.”

“Just like with life, we make mistakes and that’s okay. Making mistakes only mean we have another chance to make things right. So, you just have to start over again. Build your castle. This time, taller and sturdier. Away from the water if you can so the waves won’t be able to crush it anymore.”

She’s just eavesdropping, intruding someone else’s precious memory, but it felt like the woman’s words are meant for her. It went straight to her heart, hitting her hard. _This is why I have been drowning._ She thought to herself. She has wasted so many chances. She was blinded by her own regrets and pain that she forgot to learn from the past and pick herself up.

She fell down on her knees, crying uncontrollably. Her self anger intensifies but at the same time, she wants another chance like never before. She wants to give herself a chance to change, to be better. She wants to breathe again, to _really_ breathe life. She wants another chance at life and, for the first time, she wants to actually _live_ life.

She has no idea who these people are but watching them—with all the good and bad memories it brings—gives her warmth. They are her hope. They are the answers she never knew she was looking for. They are simply strangers but she’s thankful.

She was still in her tears when she heard the man speak. It was only then that she realized that she might be the woman’s husband; the girl’s father. He mumbles his wife’s name. The sound was coming from a distance, farther than where they are. He keeps on calling her name as the sun slowly rises up, lighting up the dark sky and shore.

The moment the sun has fully risen up, she felt a vast wind pinning her against the sand. She gasped, searching for air. Her eyes jolted open, but the sudden exposure to light makes her squint again. She opens her eyes again, slower this time, and there she saw—those very same pair of eyes that she knew by heart. It was exactly the same; the pain, the burden, the struggle—it’s all there, except there’s something she has never seen before. Longing.

Through his voice, he expressed that exact emotion, breathlessly uttering a name.

“ _Jennie_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue evil laugh*
> 
> y'all probably hate us both right now :)) we won't say anything though but rather, we want to hear from you guys! tell us what you think about this chapter :> drop a comment, a cc, or mention us on twitter (@howtobeucoco @jinjipics) - any of these will be much appreciated~
> 
> the next chapter will be up soon so we hope you could still hang on and wait for more surprises <3


	4. Lost

“Jennie will like this.” Jaebum says with a brimming smile, the bright lights of the laptop illuminating against his face and showing of his features amidst the dark room.

“Of course she should. It’s the fourth version after all the revisions you told me to do.” Bambam says with a sigh, arms crossed on his chest. He just showed the AVP he edited for the upcoming YMF event. “So, I’m expecting your _real_ comments by ten? Just as I get to bed?”

Jaebum scoffs, leaning off the desk, not liking what Bambam is saying but knows very well that he has put the younger colleague to too much stress over the past weeks.

“I just want it to be perfect.” Jaebum breathes heavily. “Just like what Jennie—“

“Would want.” Bambam cuts him off. “I know and that’s exactly what we _all_ want here. But you need to chill a bit.” He walks closer to the desk, closes his laptop and picks it up. He glances at Jaebum, giving him a weak smile before walking towards the door.

“And please,” Bambam stops his track just before he gets to the door, switching the rest of the lights in the room. “Switch on your lights, it looks like a cave in here.”

Without looking behind, Bambam leaves Jaebum alone in Jennie’s office, drained and exhausted.

Jaebum takes another deep, exasperated breath before he slumps himself on the reclining chair. He leans back, eyes closed, just trying to get a good grasp of what’s going on. Bambam isn’t the only person who keeps on nagging him to take things slow and calm down. In fact, everyone—literally everyone—is telling him to take some time off to get rest. But he doesn’t need any of those nagging. What he deserves is a little credit for _still_ working hard like this despite the fact that half of his world is in a dim, ironically, just like this room.

Jaebum doesn’t care though. He doesn’t care about the nagging, the stress or even about getting the rest he needs—he doesn’t care about anything. He only cares for one thing and that’s Jennie. It’s just Jennie on his mind and on his heart. He just wants everything to turn out well for her. He’s on the pit of helplessness and dedicating all his time and energy to this event is the least that he can do.

Asan Medical Center is teaming up with You Matter Foundation to celebrate Suicide Awareness Month. Jaebum didn’t want to be part of the event when they got the proposal. Everything and everyone in the foundation is in a mess and devastated, none of them know how they can continue. But it is something that Jennie would definitely want to take part in. Jaebum knows that much and everyone in the foundation couldn’t agree more. So with an ounce of faith from everyone else, they take part in the event.

In partnership with Seoul University’s Fine Arts Department, they will hold an art auction featuring paintings and artworks of students with theme of _Mental Illness is not A Choice_. All proceeds of the event will go to YMF. The foundation is opening its doors for the first, after months of being on a break, to hold the event.

Everyone in the foundation is going mental. Without Jennie, it seems like everyone is just working extra hard to make her proud but none of them can compare to the work that Jaebum has put in for this event. Even with his own work at the hospital going on, he is pretty much all around the foundation, knowing every single detail about the event. It’s taking its toll on him but he doesn’t seem so fazed about it. As usual, he’ll do anything for Jennie.

Jaebum stands up from the chair and walks to the get make himself another cup of coffee—his third for this afternoon. He takes a long dragging sip before walking out of Jennie’s office, onto the lobby where the paintings are temporarily placed after getting delivered this morning. He walks around the paintings, checks every single one of them for the second time since it arrived.

“They’re all great.” Lisa says, coming in with a cup of smoothie on her hand. She was walking lightly with a smile on her face. Lisa is one of YMF’s mood-lifter over the past months, making sure everyone is still sane.

“And complete, if that’s what you’re worrying about.” She added seeing Jaebum’s furrowed eyebrows.

Jaebum smiled weakly.

“Smoothie?” Lisa offered.

Jaebum lifts his coffee mug in reply.

Lisa shakes her head. “Smoothie.” She says taking away the mug from Jaebum and replacing it with the unopened bottle of smoothie. “It’s convenience store smoothie but it’s strawberry so it’ll work for you.”

Jaebum was going to argue but he couldn’t say no to strawberry smoothie either so he just thanks Lisa instead.

“Hold it properly!”

“I am holding it properly!”

Jaebum and Lisa turn their heads to the sound of, what seems like, two little boys bickering only to find Jackson and Yugyeom changing the light bulbs in the reception. Jackson is on top of the ladder fixing the light bulb while Yugyeom is the one holding the ladder for support.

“I told you I’ll do it instead!” Yugyeom says.

“Why? Because you’re taller? Are telling me my legs are short?” Jackson fights back.

Yugyeom makes a face, wanting to argue more but he was interrupted by Jaebum walking to them.

 

“You two are so loud.” Jaebum says. “Just stop doing it if you will just argue the whole time.”

Jackson and Yugyeom froze in their places.

“Can you shut up for once?” Jaebum added. “Move, I’ll do it instead—“

“Jaebum, Jaebum,” Jinyoung softly calls, arriving after being out the whole day. He puts an arm around Jaebum’s shoulder, slowly pulling him away.

Jinyoung turned him around, giving Jackson and Yugyeom signal to continue the chore in silence.

“What’s the point of scolding them?” Jinyoung asks. “You know they act like kids most of the time anyway.”

Jaebum sighs heavily in surrender.

“Why don’t we just check the paintings?” Jinyoung asked, dragging Jaebum onto the lobby. “Have you seen them? They’re great.”

Lisa, who is still in the lobby, gave Jinyoung a weak smile. “He has checked everything _twice_ already.”

“Oh.” Was all that came out of Jinyoung’s mouth as Lisa walks past him and Jaebum moves away from his grip, once again looking through the paintings.

“Well, we can check again?” Jinyoung mumbles but Jaebum doesn’t need to be told. Before Jinyoung could even finish talking, he is already back looking through the paintings.

It’s not like the there could have been changes in the past five minutes he was there but Jaebum still looked at each painting carefully before realizing it’s a nonsense act. He takes a deep breath and was about to walk back the office when a particular painting caught his eye.

He doesn’t why it didn’t make an impression earlier. Maybe he really missed it and it’s a must to recheck because it’s possible for him to miss it. It is a painting of girl smiling. Simple, no complicated technique or anything but it there’s something that draw him in. He takes a step closer, looking more intently and that’s when he realized—it’s her eyes. The artists used bright colors and even the background of the painting is a colorful street but her eyes tell a different story. It’s dark and lonely, like it’s asking to be freed from whatever that restrains her.

Jaebum feels Jinyoung hand on his shoulder, pulling him off his thoughts.

“Care for a drink?” Jinyoung asked.

Jaebum, for a second considers, before he realized something. “I need to go to work.”

Jinyoung shakes his head. “A glass won’t hurt. Come on, I’m sure Jennie has something on her office.”

Jaebum’s face is still in a knot but he lets Jinyoung drag him to Jennie’s office anyway.

Jinyoung gets in first, switching all the lights inside and walking straight to Jennie’s mini fridge as Jaebum walks behind him.

“Huh? There’s nothing?” Jinyoung mumbles to himself, loud enough for Jaebum to hear. “I’m sure she keeps soju in here for times she’s so stressed.”

Jinyoung seems really puzzled but Jaebum remained quiet. He knows very well that there’s no more soju left because he has drank everything already.

Jinyoung turns to Jaebum with a pout. “Okay, there’s nothing. But there’s coffee,” He points to the coffee. “Which you can’t have anymore because you’ve downed so much already.”

Jaebum crosses his arm, leaning over Jennie’s bookshelf. His legs stretched out.

“What do you want, Jinyoung?” He asked.

Jinyoung sighs, his shoulders dropped in surrender. He walks to Jennie’s table and sat on top of it, his feet hanging freely.

The two men stayed in silence. None of them is making any move or saying something, just letting time pass by.

“You’re stressing yourself too much over this project, man.” Jinyoung breaks the silence.

Jaebum smiled smugly. “It was your idea.”

It sounds like a kick in Jinyoung’s gut. He was the one who pitched the proposal to Jaebum. He has a friend working in Asan that first brought up the idea of teaming up with YMF. He declined at first, not even asking Jaebum about it. Not even asking anyone about it. He thought that organizing an event would be too much for the foundation to handle. But he has got enough of Jaebum sulking and dragging himself every day. He felt like they needed to do something. He knows that Jennie wouldn’t want them to wait in vain either. So he told Jaebum about it, it didn’t take long before his best friend agreed.

“I did.” Jinyoung admitted with a heavy sigh. “I want you—us—to be distracted, but not _this_ distracted.”

“But this is what she’ll want.” Jaebum says in soft mumble, looking down at his shoes. He has lost track of how many times he has told that same thing over and over, just different versions of it; like an old record playing. Just like anything else, things repeated over loses its meaning. _Is this what Jennie would really like?_

“She will hate this.” Jinyoung said as if answering Jaebum’s thoughts. “Look at you, when was even the last time you shaved? Just because you’re genetically blessed to be less hairy that most of _us_ , doesn’t mean you should stop shaving once in a while.”

Jaebum unconsciously reaches for his mouth, the tiny stubble is starting to tickle him.

“Sure, Jennie would want this event to be perfect.” Jinyoung continues. “But she would want it to be worth it. There’ll be stress—you know she loves stress but she wouldn’t want any of us to lose ourselves just because of this.”

“Of all people, she wouldn’t want her husband to lose himself and turn into some caveman.”

Jinyoung is right. Everyone around him, telling him that he’s stressing himself too much, is right. Jaebum is pretty much aware of that—he, too, knows that. But he’s helpless and it seems like it is the only thing he can do.

He knows stressing himself out for this event won’t wake Jennie from comma. He knows that all he can do is wait. But he can’t do that. He has to do something, anything. He has been too helpless for too long and while doing this won’t magically bring back Jennie’s consciousness, Jaebum just wanted to give Jennie something that will lift her up when she wakes up from her long slumber. This is the only thing he can do and he regrets nothing.

Jaebum lifts up his head, flashing an arrogant smile at Jinyoung across the room.

“I still did it though. I accomplished everything.” He says, his smile slowly turning weak. “For her.” ­

 

Jaebum steps out of the foundation, on his way to the hospital, and he was greeted by the rain gradually falling. By the looks of the damp pavement and plants in the garden, it seems like the rain has just started pouring but is getting harder by every second passing. Jaebum quickly runs to his car and gets in an instant, cursing under his breath as water drips from the tips of his hair onto his forehead. He takes a deep breath, ignoring the sudden mood-spoiling brought by the rain as he starts the engine. The mixtape, the one Jennie made for him back when they were in college, roars as he went off to the busy streets of Seoul.

It’s time that people get off of work on a weekday and the sudden rain is making the traffic so much worse. Jaebum hits the breaks when the light turned red. With his hands on the steering wheel, he stares at the raindrops hitting against the window. His heart feels heavy as it all comes back to him. He remembers it clear on regular days but on rainy days, everything is just so vivid.

It happened on a rainy day. He could still remember how the sound of her voice on the phone and the rain pouring creates a perfect melody in his ears. The excitement in her voice is undeniable, it made his heart flutter like it always does. He was so eager to see her after that call.

And then regrets flush through him. He should’ve just gone to her—at that exact moment. Instead of waiting for her to come, he should have just ditched work and drove to her in that instant. Or he could’ve have made the phone call longer. He should’ve convinced her to tell whatever it is that she wanted to tell him on the phone. He could’ve done anything to keep her on the line. He could’ve done anything to stop _it_ from happening.

But it did happen. No one saw it coming, how could he stop it?

It has been two months. Two dreadful months that Jaebum could only wish to send soon. It has been two months of Jaebum constantly blaming himself for what happened to Jennie. He should have been firm on telling her not to drive to the hospital in that rainy afternoon. If he should have been more firm, then Jennie wouldn’t be caught in a highway accident causing her a head injury that puts her to this long comma.

The lights turned green and Jaebum switches gears in no time, wanting to get to Jennie as fast as he could. After struggling with the traffic and taking about fifteen minutes more than he should, he finally got to the hospital. He parked at his usual spot; he has visited the place constantly enough that the parking securities have, unofficially, given him his own space.

Jaebum just got in the building, walking to the elevator when his phone rings, getting a call from Bambam. He considered not taking it but his gut tells him to take it instead.

“Yes?” He answered.

“Jaebum! Uh, we have a bit of a situation here at the foundation.” Bambam replies.

Jaebum stops his tracks, his whole body tensed. “What situation?”

“There was a quick blackout due to the rain. It’s nothing really, just like a blink of an eye.” Bambam reports. “But only outside. Half of the building is on blackout.”

Jaebum’s chin clenches. “What?”

“Turns out, lighting hit the post connected to our electricity.” Bambam nonchalantly continues.

“What?!” Jaebum’s voice gets louder. “Why are you telling me now? I was there the whole day!”

“Why are you getting mad at me? It happened ten minutes ago, how can I tell you when you were here?” Bambam said. “You gotta do something with your temper—“

“I told you not to tell him!” It was Jinyoung cutting Bambam off.

“Hey, Jaebum.” Jinyoung says after successfully taking the phone from Bambam. “Don’t mind Bambam. Yes, the electricity is off here but we already found a generator we can use for as long as the post gets fixed.”

It was quiet on Jaebum’s end. His mind is just clouded by how everything they’ve planned for the event can be turned into waste just because of some electrical mishap a couple of days before the actual event.

“Don’t worry about it, Jaebum.” Jinyoung assured. “It’s nobody’s fault. We’re all doing great here for the event. _You_ are doing great and Jennie is for sure proud.”

“Don’t stress yourself too much. She’s waiting for you.” Jinyoung continues. “I’m going to beat Bambam’s ass.”

With that, Jinyoung hangs up and, even though still feeling restless, Jaebum gets inside the elevator shrugging all his worries away.

Strangely, hospitals calm Jaebum down. Ever since he was young, he knew he wanted to be a doctor. His dream was to give comfort to people, make them feel better and healthy. But growing up from a boy who loves animals to a man who takes care of five cats, he knew that animals need more caring than human. So these days when hospital isn’t giving him the comfort he needs, he’s yearning for his cats more than ever.

But amidst it all, Jaebum knows there’s only one person who can make him feel better, always. And it never fail to break his heart when he finds himself in front of Jennie’s hospital room. He can perfectly see her from the glass window of the door. She’s sleeping calmly, as if she’s resting well. She’s just sleeping for so long.

Jaebum takes a deep breath, reaching for the door knob when Jisoo beats him to it. She stands from her seat, shooting him a look from across the room.

Jaebum looks away, scratching the back of his head, as if he’s caught doing something he’s not supposed to.

“You know you can just get inside without being a creep, right?” Jisoo said, greeting Jaebum after opening the door. “I’m going out to buy food. Do you want anything?”

Jaebum shakes his head. “Thanks and for skipping work to look out for her.”

“I’ve always been around being responsible for her clumsiness long before you.” She winks. “It’s nothing, Jaebum.”

Jaebum smiles softly. Things has been tough for him and for all of them the past months and he was fool enough to let it get to him. He’s been way too grumpy and stressed these days but his friends have been all understanding for him.

He gets inside the hospital room, taking in the sight before him. It’s not the first time he’s been here and yet, every time, he feels weak on his knees seeing Jennie lying on that hospital bed. This hospital room has been their home for the past month—far from the home filled with love and warmth that he has promised her and it kills him every time he remembers.

Jaebum walks closer and sits on the wooden chair beside Jennie’s bed. This is a tough time for them and he has to be stronger for them because love isn’t about giving up when things are tough. It’s about braving to be stronger to lift them both up.

He takes both of her hands on his, slowly caressing it to give her warmth.

“Your hands are cold again.” He whispers. “Why are your hands always cold when I’m not around, hm?”

Jaebum continues caressing Jennie’s hand as he tells her how his day went. Like a schoolboy going home to her mom, he told her about all the preparations they did for the event. How Bambam whined about his video edit, which Jaebum really thought was the best he did; how he checks every single painting that came; Jackson and Yugyeom yet again arguing over the smallest thing; even Lisa and Jinyoung’s subtle scolding—he told her everything single thing, not leaving any detail left unsaid.

“If you only saw me, I het you’ll tease me about my chin again,” he chuckles dryly. “If you’re only awake, you’ll probably scold me too.”

“I’m sorry this has happened to you. You don’t deserve this. I wish I know what to do. I wish I can turn back time and stop it from happening. I wish—“

Jaebum chokes up, tears welling up his eyes.

Seeing Jennie in the hospital bed, helpless is one thing. But missing her every day is whole different thing and the undeniable fact that no one knows when—or _if_ —she’ll ever wake up, break every little part of Jaebum.

He misses her soft voice, her gummy smile, her laugh, her whines and pouts. He misses the way her eyebrows furrow when she thinks about something deep or how her face turns blank when she’s confused, her animated reactions. He misses her lying beside him on their bed. He misses the way she squints her eyes when she wakes up. He misses how she stands in front of her closet for an hour just deciding what to wear. She misses every single thing about her and every day that passes that he misses her even more, he can’t help but think about the possibility that he may never see any of those again.

In tears, Jaebum leans closer to her, resting his elbows on the bed. He puts her hands closer to his face, to his cheeks.

He kissed her hand softly. “Please wake up, my love.”

He stares ahead at her, examining her face as if he doesn’t know each of the smallest detail of her yet.

“If it’s too much to ask,” He mumbles. “Then a simple signal will be enough. Just…anything. Just let me know you’re coming back. Please, Jennie.”

Jaebum bows down to their hands, tears streaming down his face like a river. He continues mumbling her name as he cries a silent prayer to the heavens he believes and didn’t use to believe in.

“Jennie,” he mumbles, slowly looking up.

His eyes are hooded filled with tears, his mind is clouded with so many thoughts, his subconscious must be fooling him but he has never been surer of what he saw.

She opens her eyes, wide and surprise. She wakes up.

It was like the sun suddenly shining over Jaebum. It was an answered prayer coming to life. It was everything he was praying for the past months. He feels his heart starting to beat fast in his chest again, as if it was him who was sleeping for so long.

Jaebum has waited for this moment to come, he has prayed for it long enough but for the first time, he’s finding it hard to react—he’s in daze but his heart knows better than his mind. Before he can even react, he found himself pulling Jennie in a tight hug—gently but eagerly.

“You came back…to me.” Jaebum mumbles in between tears. “Thank you.”

He pulls her closer, tears streaming down his face, making up for all the moments that they missed. He embraces her tight, not wanting to let go. He holds her with the fear that letting go means losing her again, totally.

“Holy Sh—“ Jisoo comes back at the right moment. “Oh my gosh!” She enters the room and comes straight to Jennie’s bed, wanting to get her own piece of the reunion-hug too.

“What happened? How did she wake up? Since when was she awake?” Jisoo gives in from the hug but bombards Jaebum with questions. She’s just as excited and happy that she starts tearing up too.

Jaebum would want to answer but he has too many questions too and he’s too preoccupied with the embrace.

“Who are you?”

Jaebum’s heart dropped. His whole world crashed down. It feels like all the air in the room is being sucked out, leaving him out of breath. The voice he longed to hear for so long, saying words that he never thought he’ll hear; words that take the life out of him.

Jaebum slowly pulls away after realizing how cold and tensed Jennie is in his arms, breaking his heart even more. He moves back, locking eyes with her but she wasn’t looking at him. She was just staring, her eyes are deep and dark, like she’s scared.

Frustration is filling up Jaebum, mixed with anger and confusion—he’s left with not knowing what to do. He shoots Jisoo a look, exchanging looks. She’s just as confused as him, but looking less brokenhearted—or just more composed, he’s too puzzled to know.

Jaebum looks away, moving back. He doesn’t know why but seeing Jennie in front of him looking scared and confused, he can’t help but give her space.

Jisoo steps in, thinking a female presence will give her more security. She is _still_ her best friend after all.

Jisoo slowly takes Jaebum’s place, taking Jennie’s hand. Jennie was reluctant at first, pulling her hand away. But Jisoo, carefully takes it back, holding it gently, making sure to make Jennie feel comfortable.

“Jennie,” Jisoo coos carefully. “It’s okay. It’s us. I’m Jisoo, you’re best friend.” She says with a warm smile, pointing at herself but Jennie is still scared and reluctant.

Jennie shakes her head, pulling her hand away and bringing Jisoo in the depth of tears.

“I don’t know you.” She said.

Jisoo is left speechless with her heart broken in tiny pieces and feeling useless. She stood still in tears for a moment before stepping out of the room.

“Jennie, Jennie,” Jaebum takes his place back. “It’s me, love. Jaebum — _your_ husband Jaebum.”

It was Jennie’s turn to break into tears. She’s scared and tormented and frustrated. Weirdly enough, they’re all in the same page of confusion and frustration and yet neither of them can bring anyone comfort, the mere act of trying just leads them to even more puzzle and pain.

“I-I don’t have a husband. I’m not married.”

Jennie pulls away. This time, not only taking her hand away but also locking herself in her own embrace.

“No, no, no, no, no,” she mumbles to herself like a chant. “This is not real. No, this can’t be real.”

Jaebum was about to step closer, to comfort Jennie but the EKG machine roars loud, as if shouting their frustrations for them.

Just in time, Jennie’s attending doctor and nurses came in with Jisoo following behind. She had informed them that the patient has wakened up but is acting strangely.

The nurses pull Jaebum away from Jennie as the doctor examined her. He and Jisoo are then called to wait outside as they examine Jennie and find out what is happening.

 

 

“At least she’s awake.” Jisoo mumbles, looking ahead earning a look of disbelief from Jaebum.

Jisoo has always been someone who sees the silver lining in everything. No matter how odd things are, she always sees the best in it. Jaebum has always admired her for that. Jisoo has always been Jennie’s cheerleader during her the times she’s stressed so Jaebum is more than thankful for Jisoo’s positive disposition.

But now, with her wife having no memory of him and looking rather scared of him, it’s a bit hard for him to grasp that beauty.

“What? Would you rather that she’s still asleep?” Jisoo riddled. They were leaning on the rails by the walls, just beside Jennie’s door, waiting for about a couple of minutes, which feels like an eternity already.

“What happened, Jisoo? Why can’t she remember us? Me?” Jaebum turned to Jisoo with a frown.

“She’s been asleep for two months, Jaebum. What do you expect? She needs some adjustments, I think. I’m sure it’s normal.” Jisoo said.

It doesn’t make any sense to Jaebum. At least, it’s not the scientific explanation he needs but he accepts it.

“We all waited for two long months.” Jisoo continues. “What’s a little more time to wait for her for to be fully back?”

Jaebum stares ahead, letting Jisoo’s words sink in. She’s right. He had waited without having any assurance at all. He waited with nothing but just love and hope motivating him each day. Waiting a little longer for Jennie to fully recover shouldn’t be a problem.

The door slides open, making both Jaebum and Jisoo jump in surprise even though it’s something that they’re both been waiting for.

Jaebum springs from the metal railings, Jisoo grabbing him from behind so he won’t hit the doctor.

“Sir—Dr. Lee, how is she?” Jaebum asks.

Dr. Lee—Jennie’s attending doctor, a young neurosurgeon who’s just a few years senior than Jaebum, gives a warm smile. “How about we go to my office and discuss?”

Jaebum felt his whole body tensed with the offer. It doesn’t sound so good to him. He’s from the field himself too—it is something seen in films and TV because it’s an etiquette. Inviting the patient’s family to the office doesn’t always mean good things.

The doctor didn’t wait for their reply but rather, walks ahead and waited for them to follow. Jisoo then tugged Jaebum to follow.

Dr. Lee’s office is just by the end of the floor, they arrived in just a couple of minutes.

He lets Jaebum and Jisoo take their seats before doing so himself. Just in time, a nurse comes in bringing some paper and giving it to the doctor.

“There’s no need to worry, Mr. Im.” Dr. Lee assured after taking the paper and thanking the nurse. “Ms. Jennie is fine. In fact, she has never been this healthy. These are the results of all the initial tests we’ve run,” he said handing the papers to Jaebum, which he gladly took. “And they’re all great. Her vitals are back to normal. Just a few more days of rest and she can be discharged.”

Jaebum melts into a wide smile. It’s like taking a big burden off his chest. But he remembers how Jennie _resents_ seeing him and it felt a big blow in the gut.

“But, why doesn’t she remember us?” Jisoo is braver to ask.

The doctor takes a deep breath. “We’ll get her to an MRI tomorrow.” He finally admitted. “But for now, from what I see, she can be suffering from Temporal Retrograde Amnesia from the concussion. We have yet to know up to what extent of memories she has lost. It could be a couple of years from now or more. But you don’t have to worry, it’s just temporary. We just have to continue with her therapies and, like I said, she needs to go home. That can help her get some of her memories back.”

Jaebum and Jisoo are left speechless. Jaebum doesn’t know where to start. What to believe in and where to start picking up. Jisoo started asking questions, questions that matter that Jaebum couldn’t think of. The only thing in his mind—the only _one_ in his mind—is Jennie. Nothing more, nothing less. Just her. He doesn’t care about anything else. All that matters to him is that she’s here. _Finally_. She’s here.

“Can I see her?” Jaebum’s question sounded like an echoing drop in a still water, lifting both Jisoo and the doctor from their discussion.

They both look at Jaebum with surprise and wonder.

“She’s asleep. We had to make her drink some sedative. She was—“

“Can I see her?” Jaebum repeated his question, ignoring and interrupting the doctor in the middle of his explanation.

The doctor pursed his lips, slowly forming a smile. “Yes.”

Without wasting any time, Jaebum stands from his seat and walks out of the room, running straight to Jennie’s room. He stops in front of the door, catching and taking a deep breath. It was just like all the time he spent standing by this exact door and watching Jennie from a far. It was just like those times except this time, he is happy, delighted—he feels alive.

Slowly, he enters the room and takes his place beside Jennie. He carefully takes her hand and holds it close to him. He stares at her, watching her with tears on the brim of his eyes. There is an overwhelming feeling he has on his chest right now. Something he can’t explain. In all honesty, he has no idea what to do with this new challenge thrown at them but it is more than enough for him. He can accept anything; he can take anything. For her.

“It’s okay.” Jaebum mumbles, partly talking to Jennie and partly talking to himself too. “As long as you’re alive here with me. I could bear anything.”

 

 

“ _Jennie._ ”

She repeats it over and over in her head as she stares up in the white ceiling—something that she has been doing for over five hours. For that past five hours since she woke up again, a lot better than the first time, she stayed still with very minimal movements. She was just staring at nothing, trying her best to grasp whatever it is that is going on with her right now. Luckily, five hours later, still, nothing seems to makes sense.

 _“Jennie_.”

She just woke up from a very deep slumber that she has no idea how long. She doesn’t remember when or how did she even fall asleep, all that she knows is that it was long, it was dreadful and heavy. It’s a slumber filled with dreams—dreams that aren’t completely nightmare but she’s sure wasn’t good.

_“Jennie.”_

That’s the name _they_ kept on calling but a name that she swears she has never heard before. After sleeping for so long, wishing to find comfort only to realize she’s surrounded by strangers. People she has never seen before telling her she is someone she doesn’t know—or does she? Is she really not Jennie? Who is _she_?

“Jennie.”

She repeats one more time. She doesn’t know if her voice has become louder this time or it has always been the same sound, but the man beside her—the man who claims to be her husband—suddenly moves, letting go of her hand.

She didn’t even realize he was holding her hand until the warmth left her hand. He was sleeping, for the past hours, it seems. She was too preoccupied in her clouded thoughts to know. But now that she does, a new strange feeling creeps beneath her skin.

Here she is in a hospital room, somewhere she doesn’t even know, alone with a man who she doesn’t know but claims to be her husband. She may be coming from a deep slumber and everything was a blur but she doesn’t remember getting married. She’s too young to settle down.

But there is something about this man that draws her in. She stares at him, sleeping sound at the edge of the bed. She tries, she tries hard again and again but she can’t seem to find any memory of him from her mind. And yet, she feels like he is someone really familiar with her. She closes her eyes and she sees fragments of him but she can’t seem to point out any vivid memory of him.

She stares at him longer, more intently, looking at every single detail of his face—from his chin, to his cheeks, up to his lip until her eyes landed on his closed lids. Only then that she noticed the two tiny moles on top of his brows and just like that, images flashes before her eyes uncontrollably. Images that come with shooting pain that is almost unbearable. She sits up straight, closing her eyes, thinking that shutting them will stop the images from flashing but instead, the images turn into a very vivid vision replaying before eyes.

She sees a painting before her, it was a blur but she sees a figure of a man, and a hand holding a paintbrush. Then, all of a sudden, the vision turned chaotic. The paintbrush slips from the hand, dropping to the painting and hitting the man in it, creating two tiny dots on top of his brow.

Before she could even react, she felt a pang of pain in her chest as the vision rapidly changes in her mind. She sees the painting of a man in the backseat of a car then there was a building burning—there’s too much flame and smoke—then there was a drowning woman in a dark ocean, an endless path of sand until the images turn into a clearer image of the father of the child in her dream.

It’s _him._

The man in her long dream and this man sleeping calmly beside her—they are the same.

Her whole body tensed, she breathes heavily as tears flow down her cheeks. Scared, she gets off the bed and runs towards the bathroom. Her dextrose was already removed from her when she first woke up earlier but her sudden movement only shakes the bed aggressively, waking him up.

“Jennie!” he calls but he was only answered by the loud sound of the door banging shut.

She grabs the sink for support as soon as she gets inside, feeling dizzy from moving too quickly. Her grip turns tighter as she catches her breathing. Slowly, she lifts her head up, looking at the vanity mirror. It took her a while to make sense of the reflection before her and when it did, she felt a chilling wind gushing around her then seeping through her skin. All the hair in her body stood up—she’s horrified. The face she’s seeing in the mirror is not her. It isn’t the face she knew she grew up in.

She steps back, knocking off the glass on top of the sink and breaking it down the floor. The sudden sound of glass shattering surprised her making her fall on the floor out of balance too. Her bum hits the floor and one of her hands hit a shard of glass, wounding her palm. She shuts her eyes from the physical pain and images come back flashing before her eyes again. This time, she sees the face of the girl she last saw before everything went black. She sees her eyes looking straight at her, past her eyes and onto her soul, as the words _save me_ continues to ring in her head.

Frustrated, she brings her bloody hand to her head, gripping her head and hair tight as if to stop the painful images and memories from coming in.

“No!” She screams in frustration. “This isn’t me! No! This is not my body. This is not my life!”

“Jennie!” She heard him call from behind the door, followed by a series of loud aggressive knocks. “Jennie! What’s going on there? Please, let me in. Please.”

“No, no, no.” She mumbles softly as it grows into a cry. “No!”

“Jennie, please. Let me in.” He pleaded.

“No!”

“No.”

_No._

_This is not me._

_I am not Jennie._

_But who am I?_

Suddenly, the door swings open, after he forced it open.

“Jennie!” he calls, feeling weak on his knees when he found her on the floor with pieces of glass around her and blood flowing from her hand.

He kneels in front of her, his heart breaking inside with his frustration and fear growing worse. The sound of her helpless cry is like a thousand arrows shooting in his chest. 

“Jennie, it’s okay.” He assures softly. “Everything is going to be fine. I’m here.”

She then looks up and turns to him. She stares at him with wide, horrified eyes that take him farther than any physical distance can. It kills him inside, crushing his heart and soul. But, still, with much patience and even greater love, he tried moving closer but she was quick to cut him off.

“Stay away from me!” She cried, like a helpless cry. She folds her legs up and wraps her arms around it, pulling it close as if to protect herself from the harm that surrounds her.

In a whisper, she adds, “Please, just go away.”

 

***

 

“Really? That’s great news!” Jaebum exclaimed after Dr. Lee told him that Jennie can be discharged today, a little bit over two weeks after she first woke up.

Dr. Lee just finished with Jennie’s daily morning checkup when he asked Jaebum to have some of the hospital’s famous vendo machine coffee.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Lee!” Jaebum added reaching for the young doctor’s hand to shake.

“Hey, hey, don’t be so formal now. I’ve been keeping up with you the past months—the doctor makes me sound so old.” Dr. Lee shrugged his shoulders like he’s disgusted. “We were in the university together in case you forget.”

Jaebum shakes his head, smiling embarrassingly. “Sorry, Jongsuk.”

“That sounds better. Ten years off my shoulder.”

“But seriously, thank you.” Jaebum’s voice sounds a bit more serious. “Thank you for helping out and taking care of her.”

Jongsuk smiled. “It’s nothing. It’s part of the job and we’re basically family now.”

“Still, I owe you a lot.” Jaebum insisted.

Jongsuk sighed. “Well then, if it’s any consolation for you, a thank you note isn’t enough for me.”

Jongsuk winked making Jaebum chuckle.

“Of course.” Jaebum said. “Let’s go out for drinks sometime! We can tag Jinyoung along too.”

Jongsuk nods. “That sounds better—oh, by the way, speaking of Jinyoung.”

“What about him? Was he caught flirting with patients again?” Jaebum assumed.

It was Jongsuk’s turn to snort a laugh. “No, no. I thought he’s dating someone?”

Jaebum made a face. “Is he?”

Jongsuk shrugged. “Anyway, I just wanted to inform you that for Jennie’s follow up checkups, she’ll be seeing a psychiatrist—“

“Seohyun!” Jaebum cuts him off. “Jinyoung’s cousin?”

“Yes.” Jongsuk nodded. “She has to see a psychiatrist regularly and I thought Dr. Park Seohyun will be the best. She’s someone familiar yet not really—Jennie should feel some sense of comfort with her.”

“But I heard she’s busy? Her clinic is really famous, how did you—“

“Is that really something you should ask? When _the_ Park Jinyoung is your best friend?” Jinyoung cuts him off, suddenly appearing beside Jaebum and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“You talked to Seohyun?” Jaebum asked Jinyoung.

“Before you get so flattered,” Jinyoung replies taking his arm off of Jaebum. “I did it for Jennie. I want the best for her too.”

Jaebum smiled at his best friend that he later on took in his arm for a rough hug. “Thanks, man. You’re really the best!”

“That’s too much bromance in broad daylight.” Jongsuk mumbles with a fake disgusted look. “I’ll leave you two. I’ll wait for your call for those drinks!” he takes one final sip of his instant coffee before throwing the empty cup onto the bin and leaving the two best friends alone.

“Seriously though, Jinyoung, you didn’t have to do that.” Jaebum insisted once Jongsuk is out of sight.

Jinyoung made a face. “I told you, I did for Jennie and it’s not like you’re getting it for free. I simply asked my cousin to squeeze in one more patient.”

Jinyoung then turns his back on Jaebum then starts walking, naturally, to the direction of Jennie’s room. “And besides,” he continues. “Seohyun loves Jennie. They only met once but they got along pretty well. She’s even a fan of the foundation.”

Jaebum follows Jinyoung, keeping up with his steps.

“Seohyun can make it, right? She can bring Jennie back?” Jaebum asked with a sigh, sounding hopeless.

Jaebum knows it doesn’t make sense but it’s something that has never left his thoughts. The past weeks have been tough and it’s getting tougher with each day that passes. Jennie is _very_ slowly getting comfortable now, especially to Jisoo. But to Jaebum, she’s still as distant as she was the first moment the she woke up. He’s lucky that she looks at him with less horror now but he can still that pain and fear in her looks. Jaebum discussed it with Jongsuk and they both agreed that Jaebum should keep his distance for now, or at least take it a little bit slowly. It was mostly Jaebum’s decision. It hurts him that Jennie doesn’t remember but it kills him even more to see her in pain so he’d rather choose to be away than cause her pain. 

“Just give Jennie a little bit more time, man.” Jinyoung said as they get near her room. “She’ll be back to you soon.”

A couple more steps later, they reached Jennie’s room. Jinyoung stopped his tracks then turn to Jaebum, giving him a sly look.

“But please don’t be hurt if she remembers me first.” Jinyoung winks. This is going to be the first time he’s meeting Jisoo since she woke up. They didn’t know how she’s going to react on meeting people so they, Jisoo insisted, that there’ll be no more visitors until she can finally get discharged and is more comfortable.

Jaebum just scoffed and shakes his head. Jinyoung was about to reach for the door and open it when his phone started ringing. He takes it from the pocket of his white coat and steps aside, letting Jaebum open the door instead.

Jaebum knocks lightly as Jinyoung answers his phone. There was no response for his knock so he took a peek inside first and found the two women inside busy talking. Jisoo has been busy talking to Jennie about their younger days, any fun thing that happened in the past, hoping to help Jennie gain her memories back.

“I swear! Our home room teacher was already walking towards your chair to scold you for sleeping in class.” Jisoo is in the middle of retelling a story, animatedly; all equipped with hand gestures and voice impersonations, when Jaebum slides the door open.

“But since I was sitting in front of you, I stopped him by telling him his zipper was open!” Jisoo continues.

“His zipper was open in class?” Jennie asked, fully immersed in the story.

“I was lying, of course!” Jisoo said. “So, we ended up getting into more trouble!” she stands and puts her hands on her waist, impersonating their high school homeroom teacher. “ _You, two Kims! Meet me in the teachers’ office!”_

Jisoo’s impersonation was so on point that even though Jennie has no memory of how their teacher looked that afternoon, bursts into a big heartfelt giggle.

Jaebum couldn’t help but melt into a soft, wide smile even just from watching from a far. Jennie’s gummy smile, like it always does, sends butterflies into Jaebum’s stomach. It’s been so long since he last saw that smile and seeing it right now, in the midst of confusion and painful situation that they’re in, it felt more refreshing than ever. It gives Jaebum hope. Something to look forward to. He swears he will do anything—everything—to give Jennie that smile. For good.

“What are you doing staring them like a creep?” Jinyoung asked Jaebum with a tap on his shoulder, his phone still on his ear. “Go tell them the good news. I’ll meet you guys outside.”

Jinyoung then runs away leaving Jaebum by the door even before he can react. Jaebum takes a deep breath and, just like what Jinyoung said, he slowly enters the room to give the girls the good news.

Jennie was the first to see him, Jisoo was still busy with her little skit. Jennie’s whole body immediately tensed as soon as she saw the man enter the room. Her laughter died down immediately too and when Jisoo noticed, she immediately stopped her skit.

“Hi,” Jaebum greets. “Sorry to disturb you two. You seem to be having a lot of fun.”

“Hey,” Jisoo greets him. “I was just telling her about my favorite high school memory.”

“The one when she fell asleep watching the documentary _Life On Mars_? Jaebum quizzed.

“Oh, yeah!” Jisoo snapped. “That’s what we watched in class!”

Jennie just nods. Everything is still a blur to her. Jisoo’s stories doesn’t help at all. A hundred stories over the past weeks, nothing still rings a bell to her. She enjoys listening to her stories though. There may be no specific memories but Jennie can definitely feel that there’s a connection—that they really are best friends. She just can’t fully point it out right now.

But with Jaebum, everything is a blur. To be exact, she actually feels more connection to him but it’s confusing, frustrating, painful. Something she doesn’t want to remember—something she wants to forget. She noticed him getting distant, which is something that made her a little bit calmer but she can’t deny that he is a huge part of _her_ —of whoever’s life this is that she’s living in right now—and he is someone that she can’t just forget.

“By the way,” Jaebum mumbles, pulling Jennie off her thoughts. “Aren’t you getting tired of this room already?”

“Why? Is she changing room?” Jisoo asked, sounding defensive. “This is room is okay though. It has a big window for a source of sunlight, it’s near the caf and vendo machine. I don’t think she has—hold on.”

Jisoo’s defensive stature immediately changed into excitement as she slowly realizes why Jaebum was asking. She turns to Jennie with excitement but the latter can’t seem to understand what she’s excited for.

“You’re—we’re going home, Jennie!” Jisoo takes Jennie’s hands into her, squeezing them with excitement. “Right? She’s getting discharged today, right?” she turned to Jaebum.

“We got a go signal from Jongsuk—Dr. Lee. I’ll just have to arrange the bills and stuff, but _we’ll_ definitely be home for dinner tonight.” Jaebum gladly replied.

Jisoo turned back to Jennie and pulled her into a tight a hug.

Jennie, however, is stunned. She doesn’t know what to say or what to feel. _Home_. The word replays on her head over and over as Jisoo keeps on talking about her, supposedly, dogs that have been waiting for at home—her thoughts are way up to the clouds to care about what she’s talking about.

 _Home_. She is going home. But where? Home is supposed to be some place familiar that keeps you comfortable and warm. But right now, this home sounds too foreign to her. In her mind, this home is nothing but an unfamiliar house. She’d rather stay in this hospital than stay in someone else’s house.

Jisoo lets go of her hand only to take a seat by the edge of her bed. She is now in the middle of talking about how Jennie would always want clean their house and Jaebum gladly joins in, telling how she hates it whenever Jaebum slumps on the bed wearing his work clothes.

All those weeks, she has waited for this moment to come. For the time when she can be discharged—only then can she be free and run away to find herself. But then it hit her. For the past weeks since she woke up, Jennie has been too preoccupied with her own frustration, wanting to go away and just find _herself_ that she oversees these people around her. They weren’t bad people. In fact, considering how much trouble she brought in, they are really kind people who want nothing but the best for her—the _real_ Jennie. Sure, she knows that that someone isn’t her—at least, that’s what her heart tells her even though everything else seems to say otherwise—but for these people, she is Jennie. A friend. A wife. And just like her, these people are also longing for someone.

But she can’t stay. She can’t come home, pretend to be someone she knows she’s not and live a perfect life because that’s a lie. She can’t live all her life living in a lie. Her life’s a mess right now, she doesn’t know where to start or how to even pick herself up but she has to.

And for them, Jisoo and Jaebum, she can’t fool them all their life. It will be unfair for them and for _her_. The best that she can do right now is to be nice to them and, eventually, leave without causing any trouble. That’s the least that she can do for them to return the favor of taking care for her for the past months. Because she knows, nice people deserve better.

 

 

Jaebum just finished paying the bills and is back on Jennie’s room with the two women packing. Jisoo and Jennie just finished to pack and are closing the bags while he waits by the door, ready to carry their stuff. Jisoo takes one of the bags and carries it herself, Jennie who’s watching her was about to hook one of the tote bags on her shoulder to but Jaebum quickly beat her to it after running from across the room.

“I’ll take it.” Jaebum said, grabbing the strap of the bag from Jennie and accidentally touching her hand.

Jaebum waited for Jennie’s response but she was just staring at him with wide, surprise eyes. For what seems to be an eternity, they are just staring at each other’s eyes with their hearts racing fast in their chests.

“Can’t that wait at home?” Jisoo teased the two, standing in between and giving them looks.

It was only then that Jaebum realized that he is holding Jennie’s hand. She immediately pulls away though, as if Jaebum’s touch electrified her.

“Sorry.” Jaebum says to which Jennie simply looked away, giving him control over the bag.

They checked the room once, twice and even thrice, to make sure they won’t leave anything important. They all stand by the door, giving the room one last look. A smile slowly grows on Jaebum’s lips; he can’t help but feel relieved that they’re finally leaving this unfortunate temporary home. Finally, he can focus on bringing back his real home with Jennie.

Jennie, on the other hand, is looking at the room blankly. There is a mix of relief and fear in her guts. Living in this room brought her nothing but pain and frustrations but leaving it also gives her a dreadful feeling; brand new and completely different fears. It scares the shit out of her but she can’t help but look forward to finally escaping.

Eventually, they leave the room with Jaebum letting go of the door last. The three of them walk to the lobby in silence. Jaebum excused himself for a while to talk to the front desk about Jennie’s discharge pass.

“Hey, Jennie,” Jisoo mumbles to Jennie while they’re waiting for Jaebum. “I’ll just go to the restroom very quick. Wait for Jaebum here, okay?”

Jennie simply nods slowly since Jisoo is already running to the restroom.

She stands still at her place, quietly waiting like she’s told, before she realized that this can be her chance—her chance to escape. She bites her lip, looking around. Jisoo is already out of sight while Jaebum has his back on her, busy talking to the nurses.

Without thinking any further, not even knowing where to go, Jennie walks away. She starts walking slowly, her tracks gradually getting faster as she gets farther and farther from the lobby, until she’s full on running and looking for the back doors where it will be harder for them to find her.

She continues walking. Her mind is in chaos, wondering if she’s really doing the right thing. Her mind is drifting elsewhere while her feet are getting tired walking, not knowing where to go. The more she gets confused, the faster she walks.

Her whole mind is in a mess that she isn’t making sense of her surroundings anymore making her bump into someone else. She hit the person hard and aggressive that if not for the other person’s quick adrenaline to catch her by her arms, she would’ve been on the floor now, butt-hurt.

“Sorry!” she mumbles in panic.

“It’s okay.” It was a man’s voice. “Are you okay, Mi—Jennie?”

Her eyes widen and her whole body felt weak. How can she be found so easily?

Slowly, she looks up expecting to see Jaebum after ultimately running away from him only to find a completely different man, who she assumes is a doctor with the white coat he’s wearing and stethoscope messily hanging on his coat pocket, holding her.

“Jennie!” the man exclaims in excitement. “It’s you!” Her surprised look only confirms his previous assumption and before she can deny, the man is already pulling her into a big, brotherly hug.

Jennie’s whole body tensed, not knowing what to do. Who can this person be? And why does he sound so familiar to her?

The man seems to notice her stunned state so he eventually releases her.

“Sorry,” the man mumbles, pulling away. “It slipped my mind that you’re not supposed to remember me.” He laughs dryly. “I guess I just hoped you’d remember me.”

Jennie was just staring at him with confused and scared eyes so he took it a signal to introduce himself.

“It’s me, Jinyoung. Jaebum’s best friend.” He mumbles. “The best doctor you know.”

“You know, that doesn’t help. At all.” Jennie then felt a hand on her arm, feeling more familiar. It’s Jisoo and it’s crazy but she’s glad seeing Jisoo beside her right now. With nothing making sense for her right now, Jisoo is the best comfort she can get.

“That’s not even gonna spark the tiniest memory when it’s a lie.” Jisoo rolls her eyes at Jinyoung, making the man blush.

“It’s not a lie!” Jinyoung insisted. “I am Jaebum’s best friend and a doctor, where’s the lie there?”

“The bit where you said you’re the best, obviously.” Jisoo replied.

Jinyoung pouts and was going to say something but Jisoo turned her back on him.

“Where have you been? I told you I’ll be quick.” She told Jennie, gently guiding her to the direction back to the lobby.

“You left her alone?” Jinyoung walks behind them, removing his white coat. “Where’s Jaebum?”

“He went to fix Jennie’s discharge permits.” Jisoo replied, leading the way.

“Great! You’re really going home now, Jennie.” Jinyoung mumbles.

The three of them walks back to meet Jaebum who’s already waiting by the entrance. To stop Jaebum from overreacting, Jisoo simply told Jaebum that she and Jennie went to the restroom and met Jinyoung on their way back.

Jaebum leads the way out and the way to his car but stops midway when he meets someone.

The rest of them follow a few steps behind with Jisoo leading the way until she suddenly stopped her tracks. Jennie just looks at her when she did while Jinyoung bumped his body at her with the sudden stop.

“What? Why did you stop?” Jinyoung asked.

“T-that’s Jun-Junmyeon.” Jisoo stutters, eyes fixed on the men in front of them, in the open parking space. “H-he’s talking to Jaebum.”

“Junmyeon? Who’s that?” Jinyoung asked, following Jisoo’s stare only to find Jaebum talking to Kim Junmyeon—today’s hottest star and Jisoo’s biggest crush.

“Oh, that guy.” Jinyoung scoffed, stepping past Jisoo. “I guess I should say hi.”

Jisoo immediately grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt. “What are you doing?”

“What? I’m going to say hi. Like a decent person.” Jinyoung replied.

“Why would you that? You’ll embarrass me!” Jisoo said.

“Embarrass you? What are you talking about?” Jinyoung mumbles, half-annoyed, pulling his arm from Jisoo. “His dog is one of Jaebum’s patient and we met him once in the clinic. I _know_ him.”

Jinyoung turned his back and walks away but Jisoo grabs his arm again.

“You know him?!” she asked.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “I just told you. Weren’t you listening?”

Jisoo grabs his other sleeve, moving him to face her.

“Introduce me!” she ordered.

“What? Why would I do that?”

“Oh, come on! You said you know him!”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then introduce me to him!”

“That’s embarrassing!”

While Jisoo and Jinyoung are busy bickering and push-n-pulling each other by the arm, Jennie took it as another chance to run away. Without hesitation, she runs to the opposite way, making sure that she’s out of their sights. She went behind the cars, ducking to make sure she can’t be seen. She realizes that she can’t simply run out of the hospital gates though, otherwise, she’ll end up running into them again—just like how she ran into Jinyoung earlier. So, instead, she carefully checks each car; silently praying that someone was stupid enough to leave their car unlocked so she can hide there for a while.

Luckily, just about two cars later, Jennie found an unlocked car. Thanking the heavens for its stupid driver, she enters the back seat and sits on the floor of the car to make sure she can’t be seen from outside.

“Where’s Jennie?” Jaebum asked Jisoo and Jinyoung when he walked back to the group after talking to his client.

“Where’s Junmyeon?” Jisoo asked.

“What?” Jaebum made an annoyed face. “Where’s Jennie?”

“She’s just here.” Jisoo replied looking to her right, finding no sight of Jennie. “Where’s Jennie?!” she asked Jinyoung.

“She was just _there_.” Jinyoung replied, referring to the spot that Jisoo just looked at.

“What the heck? Where is she?” Jaebum is in raging anger now and his anger is building up with every second that’s passing.

“I’ll check inside. Maybe she went back.” Jinyoung suggested. He knows it doesn’t make sense, he just wanted to get out Jaebum’s sight when he’s in rage.

“Did you check your car?” Jisoo asked Jaebum, walking to his car’s direction.

“She doesn’t even remember me, Jisoo. How can she know our car?” Jaebum said.

“Who knows?” Jisoo insisted. “Maybe she saw a familiar car, found it unlocked and her memory kept flowing back because you’re the only person she knows who’s stupid enough to leave the car unlocked.”

“Can you stop scolding me about locking my car right now? My wife is missing!” Jaebum exclaimed.

“Just check your car, dammit!”

With a deep sigh and heavy steps, Jaebum walks to his car, aggressively trying to open the passenger seat’s door. Alas. It’s unlocked.

“You left it unlocked, didn’t you?” Jisoo mumbles walking near him.

Jaebum ignored her and opened the door completely. He peeks inside, not expecting anyone but he was welcomed by his wife sitting on the messy car floor, her eyes brimming with tears.

 

 

The entire ride home was quiet. Jaebum didn’t bother asking Jennie what happened—where she went and how did she end up in a car that she isn’t supposed to know. Instead, he kept quiet and let Jennie have her time on the backseat. He’d rather delve in his own chaotic thoughts than pressure her with questions that she can’t even find answers to anyway. He’s just glad she ended up in their car and not in some other stranger’s car.

“Drop me off here.” Jisoo says from the backseat. She chose to seat there beside Jennie at the back to comfort her.

“Here?”

“Why?”

Jaebum and Jennie asked in chorus, with Jennie’s voice too soft that only Jisoo can hear.

Jisoo bites her lip hearing Jennie’s voice that sounds like pleading to her.

“Yeah,” Jisoo hesitates. “I’m meeting some friends for dinner.” It was a lie. She’s just bailing because she feels like the couple needs some time alone to sort things out. It’s pretty obvious that Jennie is just going along because of her presence and she knows that Jaebum wants to have some time alone with her too. She’s his wife, for crying out loud.

“We can drop you off wherever you’re going.” Jaebum offered.

“Nah, you can just drop me off at that stop.” Jisoo insisted. “I’ll take the bus.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m not a kid, people.”

And so, Jaebum did pull over in the bus stop and Jisoo got off the car.

“Have some rest, Jennie. I’ll visit you tomorrow!” Jisoo promised leaning over the car window just before Jaebum drives away, giving way to the approaching bus behind.

The rest of the ride home is even quieter, deafening silence filled the vehicle. What supposed to be twenty-minute ride, felt like a whole eternity unfolds.

 Jaebum glances at Jennie from the rearview mirror just as he pulls over in front of their apartment building, on their designated parking space. She’s looking outside the window, seems oblivious of what’s going on. Everything is just painful for Jaebum. It’s still hard to accept that something so familiar like their designated parking place or apartment building doesn’t ring a bell at her, not even the slightest.

He takes a deep breath. He has decided not to care about anything else—about the confusion, frustrations and pain. For now, it’s just Jennie. Just her. He will do everything to bring things back to normal. And to do that, he needs to act normal.

So he did. Like how they usually do, they got off the car. Jaebum carried most of their bags and lead the way to their unit. Jennie was obviously taking her time walking and following him _slow_ behind. The elevator ride up was again filled with dreadful silence. Jaebum started humming just to make the mood less awkward. Whether it worked or not, he can’t tell. But Jennie’s steps got a bit faster when they got out of the elevator so maybe it does.

“Mommy’s home!” Jaebum exclaimed as soon as he opens the unit’s door.

Jennie’s heart almost dropped and left her chest. _Mommy?_ She repeats to herself. _I am a mother?!_

As if to answer her question, a group of dogs and cats came running to her. A big wave of relief gush through her. She takes a deep breath unknowingly; glad it’s not real children they’re talking about here.

One of the dogs, a big white one which breed is something she can’t figure out, throws its paws at her. It melts her heart. For the first time in the past weeks, she actually felt warm in her chest. She knelt down and played with the pets as Jaebum closes the door behind her then walks to put their things in the couch.

After playing with the pets, Jennie walks further inside, looking around the house. It’s pretty neat. It’s mostly white. The white wallpaper is perfectly intact, making it obvious that the house isn’t that old. Most of the furniture are wooden, giving the whole house a rustic look. There’s a big wooden bookshelf by the wall of the living room—the house’s biggest wooden accent. There are few greens around too, some succulent plants here and there, and a wide glass window occupies a big part of the wall making the whole house still bright and fresh.

“Are you hungry?” Jaebum asked, walking out of the bedroom after fixing their things. “Is there anything you want to eat? Or do you want to rest first?”

Jennie didn’t say anything in reply though. She is still busy looking around. After staring at the window, she walks back to the living room, where the big bookshelf is. Jaebum smiles watching her then approaches her.

The bookshelf occupies most of the wall. It’s basically just like any other bookshelf. Half of it is filled with books that are perfectly organized. Jennie can’t help but wonder if all of those books have been read. She walks closer, over to the other side of the bookshelf where, instead of books, different models of film cameras are displayed with all sorts of photos hanging below.

Jennie stopped in front of it. She was about to reach one of the cameras out of curiosity when Jaebum beats her to it, reaching for the exact one that she’s eyeing.

“This is one of the best gifts I received.” Jaebum mumbles. “You gave it to me on my birthday—the first one we spent together.”

He puts the camera back on the shelf and starts telling a story about how they would always go on trips and takes loads of pictures of the places they’ve been to. The excitement is pretty evident in his voice. Even without looking, Jennie can say that he’s walking down the memory lane.

“Please, I want to be alone.” Jennie mumbles, surprising both Jaebum and herself. She doesn’t know why she’s being rude and cutting him off but she just feels like it’s unfair to relive someone else’s memory like this.

Jaebum takes a step back, lips forming a straight line. He was taken a back, as usual. But he just smiles, making a mental note to get used to the pain of getting pushed away and reminding himself that Jennie just needs time.

“Our room is that one.” He said pointing to their door. “I already prepared you a bath and some pajamas to change in.”

Jennie looked away at first, feeling bad about how she pushed him away so harshly. She slowly turned to Jaebum to check his reaction and found him smiling warmly at her, making her feel worse.

She takes a deep breath, then slowly, walks to the room he’s pointing to. She enters the room, taking the cold and empty feeling of the room in. She walks further inside, shutting the door behind her.

“O-h. Thank you, I guess?” Jaebum mumbles to the door greeting his face. He was following behind Jennie hoping he could change into some fresh clothes while she takes a bath but looks like he’d have to wait outside.

Jaebum then walks back to the living room and slumps himself on the couch. He stares at the ceiling, the light from the fluorescent lamp blinding him but he doesn’t mind. It is slowly sinking in now; it’s not going to be easy. He expected it’s going to be difficult, considering how Jennie reacts around his presence, he just hoped that being at home will make her feel a little bit more comfortable. He totally looked past the fact that it will feel way worse if she avoids him when they’re in one roof. But he has to try hard and even harder than he imagined.

“Let’s make Mom’s favorite dish!” Jaebum announces, kicking himself off the couch in one swift move, making Nora—who’s slowly walking towards him—screech in surprise.

 

 

Jennie spent over an hour in the bathroom despite showering for only fifteen minutes or so. She spent most of her time staring at her reflection in the mirror, thinking about how in the heck is she _here_. In this body, in this life that she’s sure is not hers.

The only thing that pulls her out from her thoughts and made her want to leave the bathroom is the smell of food she’s smelling from outside. She didn’t even realize she is starving until the savory smell of hot Kimchi Jiggae appeals to her palettes. So, she changed into the fresh pajamas waiting for her and takes a peek from outside.

 _Don’t Stop Me Now_ is playing through a phone and Jaebum is cheerfully singing along as he prepares the table. He was even making some little dance moves as if he’s having a really great time. After finishing setting up the table—Jennie noticed that he only prepared one set and wondered if she can eat too—he went back to the stove to get the pot of stew.

“I’m burning through the sky—AHHHH! BURN!” Jaebum screams when he tries taking the pot from the stove without using a cloth to protect from heat. “Burn! Burn! Burn!” he says as he blows his hand.

Jennie couldn’t help but burst into a soft giggle watching Jaebum and his funny antics from the bedroom door.

“Jennie!” Jaebum suddenly calls making Jennie jump in surprise. He just put the pot of stew on the table after dramatically blowing his burn for relief.

Jennie panics then immediately runs back inside the room when she saw Jaebum walking towards the room, throwing herself to the bed to pretend she’s sleeping.

“Jennie,” Jaebum softly calls, stopping by the door then gently knocking. “Jennie, I cooked some kimchi jiggae for you. I know you’re hungry.”

Jennie didn’t move an inch.

“The table is ready for dinner.” Jaebum says. “Come out when you’re ready to eat. I’ll just go out for a walk.”

A few minutes later, when Jennie heard the door opening and closing, she walks out of the room and went to the kitchen. Initially, she just wanted to take a look and maybe a taste of the food. But upon seeing the scrumptious meal in front of her, she just can’t say no. She takes a seat and indulges herself in the warm stew.

Jaebum didn’t seem the type to be good in the kitchen—at least that’s how Jennie sees him—but the stew tastes great. She can’t tell if she’s just really starving or it is _really_ the best kimchi jiggae she has ever tasted. Considering how half of her memories are gone, it may really be the best for now.

She’s halfway through her meal when she suddenly felt one of the cats, Nora, walking under the table, her soft fur brushing on her legs. She takes another bite of the soup and she feels warmth through her. It’s just a simple stew but somehow, it’s comforting. Somehow, she’s feeling Jaebum’s warmth in this meal. It’s the warmth and comfort she kept on running from all this time.

Without noticing it, tears started falling from her eyes.

The sudden warmth feels so foreign to her. She has been suffering for a long time and these—being in this house, being surrounded by people that cares for her—is just too good to be true. After all that she’s been through—the accident, that dark dream of deep ocean and endless path of sand—she just assumed that she’ll be alone for a really long time. She thought that she’ll face everything alone. But now, she didn’t only find herself surrounded by people. She woke up surrounded by people caring for her, wanting the best for her. The mere idea of people someone looking after her feels so unusual that she can’t bring herself to accept the help they’re offering.

Her initial reaction is to resent it but the truth is, she’s just afraid. It’s a completely foreign feeling that confuses her and this confusion scares the shit out of her. And yet, amidst the pain she’s feeling and the pain she’s giving, she still feels love in return.

She knows she doesn’t deserve this. The love she’s receiving isn’t for her. This life she’s living right now is not the life she’s supposed to live in. But she knows this is the second chance she has been waiting for. It’s up to her to work hard to deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo we make you wait for updates hoping for answers only to give an update giving MORE questions..... sucks right? lol but don't worry! Things are about to get more confusing exciting in the next chapters! Or is it? lol what do you think about this chapter? Do you have some theories about what exactly is going on? Leave a comment, tweet us or drop by our CCs!
> 
> Thank you <3


	5. Voices

It’s eight in the morning. The sun has long risen, lighting up the whole city in this beautiful day. The clock is about to hit a quarter past eight, to be specific, and Jaebum should be on his way to work by now since his shift for the day starts at 9. He shouldn’t be sitting on the floor in front of their bedroom. He should be getting ready for work, at the very least, and not pouting at the door in his sweats and straight-from-bed hair. But here he is, being exactly _that_ mess with his back hurting. Sleeping in the couch has never been comfortable for him.

He stands up, stretching his legs, once again aiming to knock at the door. But as he’s just a step away from the door, he takes a step back and hesitates—for the third time this morning since he woke up. He walks back and forth, from side to side, mustering up the courage to open the door. He tried reaching for the door again before ultimately slumping himself back on the floor in defeat.

He sighs heavily, stretching his legs out, as their pets start walking up to him.

“What do I do, Kunta? Huh?” he mumbles taking the cat and lifting him up to his face. “Should I just go in?”

“Will she hate me? Will she send me away again? But I need to go take a bath and change! I’m late for my shift!”

Kunta just stares at him for a long second before moving its head on the side then purring its way to nuzzle its whole body on Jaebum’s neck, tickling him.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jaebum mumbles, ticklish. “You’re not helping!”

Jaebum was slowly losing his balance with Kunta squeezing itself to him when Gimbap, their biggest dog—a golden retriever, came running to him and tackling him. In less than a second, all of their pets came running to him, tackling and before he knew it, he’s already lying on his back on the floor with a group of cats and dogs attacking him.

“Why did I ever bother thinking I’ll make it in time for work today?” he groans with two cats on his chest, a dog on his tummy and the rest of their pets on his arms and legs.

He takes a deep breath then stands, with much effort to bribe the little ones into letting him go, then proceeds to making breakfast in defeat.

He started preparing the pets’ breakfast, eager to calm them down in an instant. He lined up their bowls on their usual spots, across their bedroom, and none of them even hesitated once they smelt their food.

Once they’re busy eating, Jaebum washed his hands then proceeded to make their own breakfast. Breakfast was never too complicated; he finished in no time. He then made himself coffee then went to watch their pets eat.

He leans on the armrest of the couch, where he’s about a yard from their backs, not wanting to disturb them from their meal. He watched them quietly, taking sips of his coffee in between, his mind blank.

Jennie woke up exhausted. She didn’t dream of anything, _fortunately_ , but she felt so exhausted waking up; like all her energy was drained from running or something. She sits up on the bed as she stretches her arms up. She glances at the bedside clock, which tells her it’s a quarter past nine in the morning already, no wonder why she’s feeling uneasy. Waking up later than usual always make her feel tired.

She felt a sudden pang of discomfort inside her, making her wrap her arms around her; feeling a familiar feeling in the midst of forgetting _almost_ everything gives off a different kind of sensation.

She had a few more minutes just staring at nothing before kicking herself off the bed. She is somehow feeling a bit chilly so she walks to the closet in hopes of finding some sweatshirt to put on. She opens the closet that is just too foreign to her. Without thinking, she just takes the one that caught her eyes the first—a powder blue hoodie with a text that reads _unicorns are real_ in black font on the chest area. She puts it on only to find out that it’s way too big for her but she didn’t feel like trying another so she just lets it be.

Jennie walks to the door mindlessly. She opens the door and was about to step out but the sight she saw froze her in her place. Jaebum is simply there, crouching down and talking to the pets with a cup of coffee in hand but all the fragments of memories came hitting her one by one. The painting, the dark strokes, the brush slipping off the hand and the two tiny dots messing up the painting—all the unwelcomed memories are being thrown at her when all her guard are down.

It still feels so unreal to see something you thought was never really alive and moving right before your eyes. Just, how can a painting—a non-living thing, a thing that came solely from someone’s imagination—which she saw in a _dream,_ come alive? Breathing, getting hurt, having emotions, being capable of love?

Jaebum then stands, straightening his legs. Realizing someone is looking at him, he turned to his side and found Jennie staring at him; seeing those pair of eyes he loved the most, once again filled with horror.

Jennie is the first one to look away, breaking the stare. Jaebum could only sigh.

“Breakfast is ready.” Jaebum mumbles, walking to the kitchen to wash his coffee cup.

Jennie watches him walk to the counter and her eyes landed on the dining table. Breakfast is indeed ready. A bowl of fruit and oatmeal is on the table with a bottle of what seems like strawberry milk on the side. Again, just like the night before, there is only one set of utensils ready.

“I don’t eat breakfast.” Jennie mumbles.

“I know.” Jaebum replies, turning around after rinsing his cup then leaning on the sink. “That’s why I prepare you breakfast every morning. That way you can’t not have breakfast.”

 _There it goes again_. She thoughts to herself. It still feels odd to hear someone remind her of something that she’s certain she is not supposed to remember. A memory coming from someone else’s past, not hers. A sweet memory that will never be hers.

She didn’t want to surrender and eat. She would have turned around and went back to lock herself up in the room all day, but her stomach growled, embarrassingly loud for Jaebum to hear.

Jaebum melts into a soft smile.

 “Go, eat. I’ll just be here quietly doing the dishes. You won’t even notice me.” Jaebum promised.

Jennie just stood there, the growl in her stomach fading, as she waits for Jaebum to turn to the sink before walking to the dining table.

She never remembers liking oatmeal, as far as she can remember, having oatmeal for breakfast is the last thing she’ll ever crave for. She takes one bite, followed by another, then one more, having pieces of fruits in between, until eventually, she realized that oatmeal for breakfast isn’t that bad at all.

She eats slowly, taking one bite at time, with her mind blank. She’s just staring ahead, watching Jaebum wash the dishes. With every bite and while chewing carefully, she follows his every move. From the way he lets the water run through the dishes, until he washes them with dish soap carefully, up until he rinses them. She watched him as the droplets of water flow through his arm.

Before she knew it, she’s staring ahead, watching Jaebum’s back as he washes the dishes. He’s in a plain white shirt that is very wrinkled. _He probably slept wearing the same shirt,_ she thought. Jaebum went on to dry the dishes and put them back in the dish rack. When he turned to the dish rack, the light seeping from the window illuminates his face and it was only then that Jennie realized that she has never seen his face in daylight.

Most of Jaebum’s visits in the hospital were during the nighttime. Whenever he’ll visit on daytime, Jennie will either turn away or he’ll stay in one corner away from her. She has never really had the chance to look at his features intently, until now.

She’s only realizing now that his jaw, even though it’s quite defined, isn’t really scary; that his lips, even though it’s quite thin, actually looks soft and pinkish. He is indeed tall but it’s beautiful, like a sculpture, not the intimidating kind of tall. And his eyes. _His eyes_ —something that she has never really looked into because it brought her pain and heartbreak. But seeing it now, with the sunlight over him, she realizes they aren’t completely scary. His eyes are clear—expressive even, that although he doesn’t talk much—his eyes give off so much emotion. Slowly, she felt a warm feeling seeping under her skin. For the first time, she felt safe.

Jaebum finished washing the dishes so he turned to Jennie to check if she’s done with her food only to find her staring at him.

They caught each other in a stare. A brand new sensation washing over them which neither of them can explain. Soon enough, they are blushing so with flushed cheeks, they both turned away.

“Are you done?” Jaebum asked, stepping closer before taking a step back in hesitation.

“Y-yes.” Jennnie stutters.

“Okay, uhm,” Jaebum’s mind is in a fizz, not knowing what to do. How is he even acting like this in front of his wife? “You can just leave those. I’ll just go take some clothes to change in from our room. Don’t worry, I’ll just use the guest bathroom if you wanna hangout there, after.”

Nervous, Jaebum didn’t even wait for Jennie’s reply and instead walks straight to their bedroom.

“Oh, by the way,” he stops his tracks and turns back. Jennie immediately turns to him involuntarily.

“You have to take your meds,” Jaebum said. “It’s on the cupboard, in the pill box. I’ve already organized it according to your daily intake. Just drink them after you’re done eating.”

Jennie just nods slowly then Jaebum nods along before turning back ahead and disappearing into the bedroom.

Jennie then turns back to her food, still flustered. She shakes her head then slaps her cheeks lightly, hoping to take the flush away. She takes a deep breath then stands to get her medicines like she’s told.

It didn’t take her too much time to get the right cupboard but the problem is there are two pill boxes inside. Both are exactly alike—the same size and divided into the days of the week—except one of them is blue and the other is pink. It’s no brainer, she’s a girl so she instantly assumed it’s the pink one that is hers.

She takes the pillbox and pulls the pill out but it looks quite different from the ones she took in the hospital. She remembers taking a bigger and rounder pill than the one on her palm right now.

“Not the one in the pink pill box. That’s your bir—” Jaebum suddenly comes running back from the bedroom, a shirt and fresh towel in his hand.

“…birth control pills.” It’s almost too late when he came back.

“Birth control pills?!” Jennie echoes, feeling scandalized, staring at the pill in her palm then turning to Jaebum. “Who’s taking birth control pills?”

Jaebum looks at her in disbelief. “Y-you.”

“Why would I take birth control pills?” She exclaimed, her voice an octave higher.

Jaebum blushed, looking away. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly embarrassed but he is finding it hard to explain to her either. It’s just weird to explain some sensitive matter like this when they both agreed to it already.

He slowly turned his head back; Jennie is still staring at the pill with a mix of horror and confusion.

“We don’t want to get pregnant yet.” Jaebum explained, trying his best to sound nonchalant about it.

“Why?”

“Because we’re not ready to have ba—”

“No!” Jennie cuts him off. “Why would I be pregnant? I haven’t done _it_ yet.”

Jennie eyes grow wider, as if in disgust, before putting the pill back in the pill box and returning it back to the cupboard then taking the other pill box, downing the right pill with the hesitation.

“We do it a lot though.” Jaebum mumbles softly to himself but it’s loud enough for Jennie to hear. “Quite regularly even.”

Jennie turned to Jaebum, giving him a judging look.

“W-what?”

“How can a grown man like you talk like that to a twenty-year-old?!”

Jaebum was taken aback with the accusation that doesn’t make sense to him.

“Jennie,” he coos. “You’re twenty-eight.”

It took her a while before realizing what he meant, reminding her that this isn’t _her._ This life isn’t hers.

“I know it’s hard to understand for now, but I hope you try.” For the first time, Jaebum sounds pleading. “I put your ring on the bedside table, I hope it will help.”

Jaebum takes a deep breath. He then turns his back and attempts to get back inside the room to continue where he left off with getting ready but Jennie beats him to it; she walks back to the room, shutting the door behind her.

“I-I’m not yet done.” Jaebum sighs in defeat. He stares at the towel and long-sleeved shirt on his hand, realizing he wasn’t able to take a pair of pants with him. “Guess I’ll be wearing the same pants for yesterday.” He stares at the pants hanging on the couch, frowning. “No one will notice anyway.”

She stares at the silver, or could be a white gold piece, ring on top of the bedside table—like she’s been doing for the past fifteen minutes or so. This can’t be real. She just lost all of her memories; the only thing left with her is fragments of memories that feel like a nightmare to her. She’s left with nothing but pain and now she’s stuck in someone else’s life—it’s impossible but that’s the only thing that can explain this madness that she’s in.

She slowly reached for the ring, the metal feeling cold against her skin. She plays with it, letting it run and roll through her fingers until it reached her ring finger on her left hand, slipping to the tip of her finger. Curiously, she moves the ring further down.

It fits perfectly. Could this really be hers? Could she really be _her_? It’s funny how she insists that this life isn’t hers; that this is a mistake to continue living like this when she can’t even remember who she really is. She has lost all her memories and in that instant, she lost herself too.

She sighs, touching the ring with her thumb again. It’s simple, not at all flashy. There are diamonds surrounding it but it still looks elegant. She continues caressing it until her fingers something unusual in it. She removes it to check the inner part and that’s where she found where the feeling is coming from—there are words engraved inside the ring. The words are _donec mors nos separaverit_ which she has no idea what means, but she’s sure it meant— _means_ something. Something beautiful, she assumes.

“It’s beautiful.” She whispers, referring to the words, to the ring and the love itself.

She’s staring at the ring on her palm when one of the cats walks past by her, she must have left the door open, brushing its whole body on her leg which surprises her and made her drop the ring on the floor.

“Oh shi—“ she exclaims when the ring drops from her hand, straight to the floor and came rolling under the bed.

She quickly gets to her knees, crouching down to check where the ring has gone to. Luckily, it didn’t get further away. She crouched down lower with her hand reaching for the ring under the table.

“There, there—got it!” she exclaims after successfully retrieving the ring.

Just as she sits up, the bedroom door swings fully open and Jaebum hurriedly gets inside with his hair damp and messy; one sleeve of his shirt is on while the other is still hanging behind him. It’s very obvious he’s in a hurry.

“What are you doing?” Jennie asked, as if to stop Jaebum but he’s already on the vanity mirror, putting on some cream on his face.

“Uh, putting sunscreen on. You always insisted for me to do it and now it’s a habit.” Jaebum answered nonchalantly, looking at Jennie from behind him through the mirror. “What are you doing?”

Jennie quickly gets to her feet and, in panic, puts the ring back on her finger.

“Oh, I see you’ve found it.” Jaebum said, noticing the ring, as he finishes putting on the cream.

He turned around and gives Jennie a soft smile. He then walks to her with small, gentle strides but she puts her hands out, as if on defense.

“What are you doing?” she asked, voice cracking. “Why are you undressed?”

“Huh? I—” Jaebum mumbles before realizing his shirt is half-done.

He blushed as Jennie grows more flustered. Jaebum quickly takes his other sleeve and puts it on.

“This is what happens when you don’t help me dress.” Jaebum mumbles, making Jennie even more flustered and horrified.

“Pervert!” Jennie cried.

“W-what?”

“Get out!”

“What?!”

“Out!”

Before he knows it, Jaebum has already been pushed out of the room with the door shutting in his face.

“What was that?” Jaebum turns to their pets as if they can answer him.

He sighed heavily, ready to give up and just go to work but he realized he left his necktie and socks inside the room.

He bites his lip, contemplating whether or not to knock when it’s obvious that Jennie wants him out of their bedroom and their whole house even. He kept on thinking how crazy and ridiculous this is—on top of the pain that he’s already feeling. He’s being shut down and pushed away over and over by the one person that he loves. He could’ve easily given up. With his temper, it would’ve been easier to throw a fit and get mad.

But he’s not like that. Not anymore. Jennie made him the person that he is today—calm and understanding. He changed because of her love. He can’t just give up on her so easily when she never did once give up on him. Just like how she never gave up on him, he’ll never do such thing too. She’s just confused right now and it’s more reason to understand and love her.

He loves her with all his heart and he knows that she loves him too, maybe even more. With that love, he’ll continue. They will continue.

He takes a deep breath before gently knocking at the door.

“Jennie,” he calls softly but with no response.

“Jennie,” he repeats, still failing to receive a reply.

“I just need to get my necktie and some socks.” He added. “I’m sorry for surprising you but I’ll be quick.”

It took a while before he got a response—in the form of Jennie opening the door, Kunta in her arms with its body covering half of her face.

“Get in.” Jennie mumbles, obviously still flustered.

Jaebum couldn’t help but melt in a smile. Jennie’s natural cuteness will always melt his heart.

 

***

 

Every minute that passes in the emergency room is critical. Whether it’s for humans or animals, the emergency room will always be nerve-wracking. Today is not any different.

Jaebum arrived at work almost two hours late but he didn’t even have the time to make some excuse to his supervisor because the moment he stepped in, he was called in the emergency operation room to assist his senior in a critical operation.

Jaebum bites his lip. Sweat drips for the strand of hair peeking over from his paw-patterned scrub cap. A German Shepherd with a fractured bone is lying down, weak, on the operation table. The poor service dog got into an accident while on duty, injuring his leg. He was severely wounded and the pneumonia he acquired from his old age is making the situation worse.

Jaebum is in the middle of dressing his wound when the dog started whimpering. No one in the operating room understands why the dog suddenly acts up, the wound was successfully attended, but they sure are feeling the poor canine’s pain. His whimpers eventually turn into a cry, a heartbreaking cry.

The quiet room was then filled with the pain with the dog’s cry as a cold, chilling wind brush their skin, telling them the inevitable end.

 

 

“I’m sorry.” The words felt like big lumps on his throat.

Jaebum didn’t want to be the one to break the news to the dog’s owner but being the youngest in the team, he had no choice.

The dog’s owner, a young soldier, looks at him with a blank and cold stare. He stands still as he tightens his hands into fists but it didn’t take long before he bursts into tears, failing to hide it anymore. He sobs, shedding tears of pain losing a partner, a companion, a friend.

Jaebum looks away; he couldn’t bear to see the younger man in tears. A lady, looks like the soldier’s mother, approaches him and comforts him, giving Jaebum the chance to give them their privacy and have some on for his own.

He walks straight to the fire exit doors, stepping down the stairs in frustration. He slumps himself on one of the steps, putting his head on his palm after removing his scrub cap then aggressively messing up his hair.

“It’s all my fault.” Jaebum mumbles to himself. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. If only… If I was only...” he groans as he ruffles his hair even harder.

He could have done something. The poor dog wasn’t meant to be gone so easily. It’s all in his hand, if he’s only good enough. But he isn’t. He wasn’t good enough to save the poor dog. How can he be someone saving lives when he’ll never be enough?

How can he even bring himself to the idea of saving lives when he barely saved his own wife, the woman he loves the most? He can’t even be good enough for her, how can he be good enough to serve other people?

“Why do people, despite all their knowledge, usually live in madness?”

Jaebum quickly lifts his head up upon hearing the unknown voice. He looks around, finding the stranger further down at the end of the staircase.

“What is the truth but to live for an idea?” the man continues, turning around to face Jaebum. He looks a little bit younger than Jaebum but it doesn’t make him less weird.

“When all is said and done,” he continues despite Jaebum’s look. “Everything is based on a postulate—but not until it no longer stands on the outside, not until one lives in it, does it cease to be a postulate.”

Jaebum’s eyebrows meet, full of puzzle and questions as who this young man. None of his words make sense to him.

“Life must be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” The young man continues, just when Jaebum thought he ran out of nonsensical things to say.

The young man looks at Jaebum, the first time since he started spitting his speech. He melts into a soft smile, eyes forming crescents.

“Those are the words of Soren Kierkegaard.” He said the lifts his hand holding a book. “I just read it here.”

The younger man then starts walking towards the stairs, taking steps up. Jaebum, with no hesitations, squeezes himself to the wall, making way for the man and staying away from him.

The younger lad stopped his tracks a step away from Jaebum.

“Whatever it is that is happening to you, Sir, don’t take the blame or you’ll get stuck in there.” He says, as if he knows what Jaebum is going through. “Take it as it is, learn from it, and continue forward.”

He looked at Jaebum with a warm smile before walking past him, up the stairs then eventually leaving him alone in the staircase.

Lunatic. That’s the only word that Jaebum could think of to describe the man. But what he can’t deny is that no matter how surprising and crazy his words are, it is somehow helpful. Those are the words he never thought he needed to hear the most.

 

 

Wine stains on the ceiling. Staring at it for over an hour will never tell her how that stain ended up there.

With nothing good to watch on TV, she spent the whole day trying to do something, _anything_ , to keep her sane from boredom. She has played with the pets—each one of the six of them—but it didn’t take long before they got tired of her.

She wanted to take a look around the house. Look for pictures and stuff that _they_ own but it only reminds her of how everything is too foreign to her. Thinking about it just gives her headache and pain.

So, she thought about cleaning but the whole apartment is clean. The only dirt in this whole apartment are these wine stains she’s staring at which is obviously impossible to clean unless she wants to repaint the whole apartment. The apartment is too clean; it’s as if someone has spent way too much time cleaning and making everything _so_ organized. She thought that person who did it might be either too bored or too lonely—or maybe both because that’s exactly what she’s feeling right now.

“I’m going crazy.” She mumbles to herself, lying down on the couch, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “As if I’m not yet insane.”

She sighed heavily, sitting up.

She thought about running away, a hundred times since she got here, in fact. But every time the thought crosses her mind, Jaebum’s face flashes in her eyes. The same amount of overwhelming emotions and pain rushes over her that tells her running away is the only option but the same emotions and pain makes her want to stay. She doesn’t know why, she’s too exhausted to ponder on those thoughts. For now, she chooses to stay though. But just until she finds the answers, Jennie will stay.

Her stomach suddenly growls, pulling her off her thoughts. And, just in time, the pets rush to her as if they too are starving.

She gets off the couch, the pets following her, and went to the kitchen. It didn’t take long for her to find their food. She prepared their dinner in an instant, not wanting them to make a fuss and make noise. She thinks that if all of them start meowing and barking, it will shake the whole building.

Once the pets have settled down, Jennie went on to make dinner for herself. It wasn’t too hard finding things to cook, the fridge is filled with fresh food that she had more trouble deciding what to cook. In the end, she ends up making sautéed pork because that’s easy and quick to make.

“Did I make too much?” she mumbles to herself looking at the food before her. Along with the side dishes she found in the fridge, the dinner she made looks like a heart full meal—like it’s meant to be eaten with someone.

She glances at the clock in the living room telling her it’s a quarter past eight in the evening.

“Does it always take him this late to be home?” she can’t help but wonder. She has no idea what Jaebum does for a living but she’s sure that it’s too late for someone to stay this late at work. “He must be really hardworking.”

She turns back to her food. “Am I really eating all these alone?”

She picks up her spoon and takes a bite in response, reminding herself that she’s used to being alone. Knowing that someone might come back from work doesn’t make any difference. _He doesn’t make her less alone_ , each bite reminds her.

It’s either the food tastes so good or she didn’t like eating alone at all, but Jennie finishes dinner faster than all the pets combined. As expected, she didn’t finish all the food and the leftover can feed one person perfectly, as if it’s cooked for two in the first place. Jennie took the dirty dishes and put them on the sink before cleaning the table and leaving the rest of the pork there for Jaebum to eat when he gets home.

“I’m not leaving this for him. He’s just lucky I cooked too much food.” She says while covering the pot, as if someone is accusing her.

She washed the dishes before washing up herself, once again changing into fresh clothes. She changes into a bright red hoodie that she got from the closet, which is, once again way too big for her.

She decided to call it a day then, getting in bed and pulling the covers over her. She shuts her eyes, wanting to go to sleep, but she can’t help but think about Jaebum.

 

_When will he come home?_

_Why isn’t he home yet?_

_Will he ever come home?_

_Was he mad for getting kicked out of the room earlier that he’s not coming home?_

 

She rolls over the bed aggressively, pushing the unwanted thoughts away. “Why am I thinking about him?”

Jennie calms herself down, emptying her mind. It’s been an awfully boring day, as usual, she felt exhausted. But this time, she’s actually looking forward for the next day, wondering if it will get even better.

 

 

Jaebum basically dragged himself inside the apartment, throwing his things to the floor before throwing himself on the couch. He would love to lie down on his comforting bed after a tough day like this but he’s too tired to deal with Jennie right now. He’s sure he’ll get kicked out again anyway so the couch will be his compromise for now.

He removes his necktie, messily throwing it on the ground, before opening the buttons of his shirt but he’s too tired to change into clean clothes so he stopped after unbuttoning the first two. It’s past one in the morning and exhausted is an understatement to describe how he feels. He’s drained, physically and emotionally.

Oreo, his silent favorite among their dogs, walks to him. The tiny dog stopped by the foot of the couch, patiently waiting to be pet.

“I’m sorry. I know I failed.” Jaebum mumbles with tears at the brim of his eyes. “But, I tried my best, okay? I tried everything. I just…”

He couldn’t even continue without letting his tears fall.

“ _Life must be understood backward but lived forward_ —what fuck does that supposed to mean?” He mumbles in frustration, remembering the words of the young man he met earlier. “Who the hell is that kid, even? Who is he to tell me things? Does he think it’s easy? He’s too young to give a fuck anyway.”

He sighed heavily. He looks up at the ceiling, staring at the two-year-old wine stain on it, a small smile eliciting from his lips.

He can still remember how it happened. It was a night just like this, work has drained the life out of him and he feels like the whole world turned against him. Jennie hates seeing him sad and tired that she would always do anything to make him feel better. She always has all sorts of quirks under her sleeve, sometimes making a fool out herself even, but she never cared because all she wants is to bring out that smile from Jaebum. It’s her unique way of reminding him that, with her beside him, everything is going to be all right.

That night, in particular, Jaebum was lying on the couch—exactly what he’s doing right now. He went home and didn’t speak a word, he didn’t have to, Jennie already knew what’s up even without a word and she knew exactly what to do. Thinking that the bottle on the kitchen top was an unopened champagne bottle, she sneaks behind the couch aiming to surprise Jaebum with the popping drink. And so she shook the bottle, hard and powerful only to realize—after the cork, which wasn’t tightly closing the bottle, flew to the ceiling and red liquid was gone spilling to the couch and all over poor Jaebum—that it was an old bottle of wine that they opened about a week before. Jennie turned tomato-red in embarrassment, eyes wide. Jaebum sat up in the couch to turn behind him where Jennie was, his shirt filled with wine stain. Jennie bit her lip, thinking that she made it worse when all she wanted was to make him feel better. She immediately ran to him, pulled him into a hug and whispered a sweet apology to him for ruining his favorite shirt. Jaebum just burst into laughter though.

Jaebum doesn’t remember why he laughed that night but he remembers laughing hard and doing so made him feel better. He remembers Jennie laughing along with him and he remembers very vividly how her gummy smile took the entire burden he had in his chest.

He shuts his eyes, the smile leaves his face and tears come back in an instant. He let the tears fall and put him to slumber. The absence of Jennie’s quirks and warm hug is making it all worse for him.

She saw everything though. From the moment he walked in, dragged himself to the couch, mumbling to himself, tears falling down his face and letting himself fall asleep in tears—Jennie saw everything. For a moment, she thought about going to him to ask him what happened. She even thought about telling him about the food she prepared with hopes to make him feel better.

But she didn’t do anything. She stood still, watching him from the bedroom door. She has been frustrated and hurt too; _she is_ frustrated and hurt. She knows exactly how it feels and she knows that the only way to ease the pain is to have someone beside you. But she’s too scared to move, too scared to come close. No matter how strong the urge inside her is, the doubts and confusion in her remained superior.

And so she takes a step back and locks herself in the room. She felt like she needed to do something though, she needs to do something to breathe from her frustrations. She needs to _draw_ it out.

It must be a coincidence or it’s an obvious thing, but she just happened to find a pen and paper easily. It’s on top of the bedside drawer. There’s a sketchbook and a set of colored pencils. It’s too much of a coincidence, she can’t deny that. _She must like drawing too_. Among the colorful pencils, she took the black one without thinking.

She drew every single thing she wanted to tell him, every word that she’s keeping. Every stroke represented each thought. It looks messy, the strokes coming over each other messily. Panting, as if she’s finishing a work out, she finishes the rough sketch. It was Jaebum lying on the couch with one arm behind his head, the other hanging on the side, and staring up at the ceiling—exactly how he’s lying on the couch outside.

She stares at the drawing as tears well up her eyes. She wrote, along with the date, _donec mors nos separaverit_.

 

***

 

Jaebum impatiently glances at his watch as cars pass by in front of him as he waits by the hospital’s driveway; none of them is looking like any of his friends’ car. He has been standing there, waiting, for almost thirty minutes since he called Jackson asking where he is. Jaebum should’ve known better. He knows that even though Jackson says he’s on his way and that his place is a fifteen-minute drive away from the hospital, it will still take him about an hour to get there since, well, he’s Jackson and being punctual is never in his dictionary.

Jaebum was about to call him for the fourth time since his shift ended when a white Mini Cooper pulled over in front of him. He simply stared at it with furrowed eyebrows until it honks.

“Hop in!” Jackson calls, pulling down the window.

Though he was expecting, Jaebum gave him a puzzled look.

“Just get in, man.”

Jackson unlocks the door and Jaebum hops in as told.

“Really? A Mini Cooper?” Jaebum mumbles after putting on his seatbelt.

“Why? What’s wrong with a Mini?” Jackson asked, making a turn out of the hospital’s driveway.

“Nothing.” Jaebum shrugs. “I just never thought you’ll give-up your Audi for a Mini. It doesn’t feel like you.”

Jackson grins. “The Audi’s parked at home.”

Jaebum turns to his friend, giving him a look of disbelief before eventually laughing, shaking his head.

“Of course.” He mumbles. “That sounds more like Jackson Wang.”

Jackson lifts his shoulders in fake humility before laughing along with Jaebum.

The two are on their way to Seoul University to meet with the Art department to finalize the details about the upcoming event. They have less than a week for the event and they’re once again cramped with stuff to do after they missed a couple of meetings when Jaebum got busy with Jennie.

“How’s Jennie?” Jackson asked, eyes fixed on the road, as they enter the university.

Jaebum turns to him, hesitating for a second before answering. “She’s great.”

Jackson, of course, is not buying it.

Jaebum takes a deep breath. “She just needs a little more time, I guess. The accident has been tough to her and she’s having a hard time recovering.”

“Tell her that we miss her so much and she should hurry back.” Jackson says. “We’ll visit her soon.”

Jackson turns the engine off. He takes off his seatbelt and turns to Jaebum.

“She’ll get better soon, man.” He assures. “For now, let’s do our job first. We don’t want her to beat us as soon as she gets her memories back.”

Jaebum chuckles, agreeing.

The two gets inside the building, walking straight to the Art Department building.

“Did Jinyoung call you? He’s supposed to go with us today.” Jaebum asked.

Jackson shook his head. “He’s probably with Jisoo.”

“Jisoo is at home with Jennie.” Jaebum replied.

Jackson chuckled. “Then they probably fought again. It’s just those two—either they’re all over each other or they—”

“All over each other?” Jaebum cuts him off. “Jinyoung and Jisoo?”

Jackson gave him a look. “You need to go out more, man.”

Jackson then turned his back on Jaebum and walks ahead, leaving confused Jaebum a few steps behind. He’s not dumb, he knows what Jackson is implying but he just can’t see Jisoo and Jinyoung a thing—not when they obviously hate each other and start to bicker the moment they smell each other’s perfume in the place. Or is it really that impossible? He is sure that Jisoo is a hundred percent Jinyoung’s type and Jinyoung is way better than any of the guys that Jisoo dated. So, is it—

Jaebum was pulled off his thoughts when someone bumped into him. It wasn’t too aggressive but it was enough to make him flinch.

“Sorry,” the person apologized.

Jaebum turned to him, as if to check who the person is, but he has already turned his back on him.

“Jaebum!” Jackson called. “Hurry! The dean is waiting for us.”

Jaebum glanced at the man once again before turning to Jackson and catching up his tracks.

 

 

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I actually thought I looked good with a bob _and_ bangs.” Jisoo mumbles, earning a soft giggle from Jennie.

The two are at the bedroom, sitting on the floor, surrounded by all sorts of photographs—some of them are really old, almost fading; some are pretty recent; some are Polaroid prints. All of which are what Jisoo has scavenged over the weekend, thinking that looking back at these photographs will help Jennie regain her memories. She was supposed to be with Jaebum and Jackson at the university but she and Jennie got caught up with the photos that she opted to sit out from the errand. Jaebum didn’t insist on her coming anyway; he knows that, even though she technically still don’t remember Jisoo, her best friend’s presence keeps Jennie at ease.

“You look good, though.” Jennie says. She was hesitant with the idea of walking down the not-so-memory lane but Jisoo has always been a source of comfort, even making her laugh, so eventually, Jennie submits to the idea.

Jisoo made a face. “You can’t fool your best friend. Look at you!”

Jisoo pointed at the picture. It was taken on their high school graduation; each of them is holding a bouquet of flowers while their other arm is around each other. Nothing much has changed on their looks, except for Jisoo’s bob-with-bangs haircut and Jennie’s excessive use of hair clips.

“You look like you have your massive hair clip collection on your head.” Jisoo laughs.

Jennie would have been offended but she just laughed along. She did look ridiculous with those colorful clips anyway. What she can’t say out loud, and probably can’t even admit to herself is that she’s feeling familiar and warm while looking through these photos. For some reasons, the foreign discomfort is slowly, but not entirely, replaced by warmth.

Jisoo hands the photo to Jennie before she turns to her side, choosing which throwback photo to judge next.

“Oh, this one’s good!” Jisoo exclaims, taking a photo.

Jennie puts the other photo down then she turns to Jisoo, peeking over her shoulder.

“Look at you, you’re so happy.” Jisoo mumbles softly, showing the photo to Jennie. “The day you two became official.”

Jennie can’t help but break into a smile. In the photo, she is smiling wide—no, she’s laughing candidly—her eyes are shut, cheekbones high and her gums were showing. She was so happy as if her whole body isn’t splattered with colorful paint. With her was Jaebum, his arms around her waist, laughing as hard as Jennie that his eyes were forming fine crescents and his mouth was wide open. He was holding a paintbrush and putting it against her cheek, his white shirt was filled with paint too.

Jennie felt a churn in her stomach. It was happiness captured on a still photo, if that’s possible. Jennie’s wide smile slowly turns faint. It was beautiful, too beautiful that it makes her sad in envy.

“I paint, right?” Jennie unknowingly mumbles, cutting Jisoo off from telling the events behind the photo, which she wasn’t paying attention to.

“Yeah, you do.” Jisoo smiled warmly. “You used to live for painting.”

“Used to?” Jennie echoed. “Why? Did I stop?”

Jennie’s face is painted with a puzzled look, something that Jisoo understands. But what she doesn’t know is that behind the simple puzzled look is a mind in a whirlwind. For some reason, the concept of painting overwhelms Jennie with emotion—her recurring memory of a hand and a painting canvass kept on replaying in her mind that she feels like it was the last thing she did.

“You didn’t necessarily stopped, don’t worry.” Jisoo assured Jennie. “You still paint once in a while; you just had different priorities this time.”

Jisoo’s reply only made Jennie even more confused. Jisoo smiled at her before turning back to the pool of photos on the floor.

“Where is it? I’m sure I had it earlier…” Jisoo mumbles to herself as she searches for something. “There it is! Excuse me.” She reaches for a photo under Jennie’s foot.

“This is your priority now.” Jisoo proudly says showing Jennie a photo that looks like it was grabbed from an online article.

The photo shows a group of people with wide smile on their faces. Jennie is in the middle surrounded by people—they were huddling her of some sort, like encaging her in big group hug.

“Happy.” Jennie mumbles.

“Yeah, you are.” Jisoo agreed. “That’s one of my favorite smile of yours.”

Jennie doesn’t see any reason not to love the smile. Even she was enchanted with the smile. It gives her warmth and comfort, like something an embrace would give. But she can’t help but feel a pit sinking deep in her stomach. The strange feeling of unfamiliarity is creeping in her skin. She looks the happiest in the photo but, except for Jaebum and Jisoo, she doesn’t know any of these people she’s sharing happiness with.

“You might not remember it,” Jisoo starts, “but you are one of the kindest souls I’ve known—so kind that you built a whole foundation yourself to help people, and even animals, lift themselves up.”

Jennie turned to Jisoo, eyebrows in a furrow.

“That’s the easier description.” Jisoo chuckled. “It’s called You Matter Foundation and, obviously, it’s an organization to help make people realize their worth and inspire them to move on.”

Jisoo laughs. “I didn’t know that reminding someone of her _own_ life vision will be this hard.”

“Let’s start with this photo, shall we?” Jisoo says. “This is your family.”

Jennie shifts her eyes to the photo.

“Family.” She mumbles.

“Yes.” Jisoo agreed. “Well, not biologically, of course. But we’re a family.”

Jisoo then continued re-introducing each one of the pack, pointing at the picture. Telling everything—from how Jennie met them, their worst habit, who are they currently dating—and _anything_ about each one of them. Jennie couldn’t help but break into a wide smile hearing Jisoo’s animated stories. The under weaving foreign feeling is still there but the warmth seeing their smiles while hearing their stories gives Jennie an undeniable warmth. She just can’t help but want to meet them all.

“And that’s Bambam.” Jisoo says, pointing to the last man in the photo, skipping the other guy before him, looking like he’s squeezing the rest of the group in with a wide grin. “He’s your—”

“You missed him.” Jennie points at the other guy. “He’s the guy at the hospital, right?”

“No, I don’t miss him!” Jisoo cried.

Jennie turned to her with puzzle. “I mean, you pointed past him. Is he not part of the family?”

“He is.” Jisoo rolls her eyes with a sigh. “He’s Jaebum’s best friend actually.”

Jennie nods. “So, he’s a first degree member.”

“First degree?” Jisoo echoed. “I said we’re not biologically family.”

“No, no.” Jennie shakes her head, smiling. “I mean, since he’s Jaebum’s best friend, he must be closer to him than anyone else. Like you to me.”

Jisoo nods. “Yeah, I guess, you could say that.”

“What was his name again?”

“Jinyoung.”

“Do you like him?”

“That’s a mistake.” Jisoo sounded defensive. “No, I don’t.”

Jennie nods, suppressing a smile.

“You are crazy.” Jisoo mumbles to which Jennie just giggles. “Where did I left off?”

“The last guy!” Jennie replied, pointing.

“Oh, yeah, Bambam!” Jisoo replied. “Now, if we are to point out favorites, this guy is definitely yours.”

“Huh? Really?” Jennie turns to the photo and looks at the Bambam guy carefully, as if examining her. “How would a lanky guy like him be my favorite?”

Jisoo bursts into laughter. “That’s exactly what you called him when you first met!”

Jennie turns to listen.

“He’s one of your first volunteers.” Jisoo continues. “A bit too much to handle sometimes, but he used to be the most active volunteer. He’s now the foundation’s resident videographer-slash-photographer-slash-editor—seriously, everything that involves the camera and film. He’s really great at it.”

“Used to? So, he doesn’t volunteer anymore?” Jennie echoed.

“He still does. Can’t leave your home.” Jisoo smiled. “But he comes less often now that he’s busy with all his videography stuff. He has a lot of global gigs under his name.”

“Wow, that’s great.” Jennie says, taking full hold of the photo and staring down at it. Seeing their smiles is like being wrapped in a warm embrace.

“Oh, by the way,” Jisoo mumbles excitedly. “You wanna see the most viewed video in his channel?”

Jennie slowly turned to her, putting down the photo, with a puzzled look.

“Bambam,” Jisoo says. “He has his own _verified_ —as he always boasts—YouTube account where he uploads all his works.”

By this time, Jennie has lost track of the information anymore. There are seven new people in her head that she hasn’t met once but are supposed to be part of her family. But Jisoo is being a good distraction to her right now, so she just nods, telling her to continue.

Jisoo smiled widely and pulled out her phone from her pocket. She navigates her phone fast and the next thing that Jennie knew, her friend is showing her the said video. Jennie has no idea what Bambam’s videos are. She doesn’t have any concept of what to expect but it is definitely what her eyes are seeing right now.

The video starts with an aerial shot, showing the sea and the magnificent sun rising. The video cuts to a montage of people laughing, talking, and crying in what seems to be an event by the seashore where the waves calmly kisses the sand. There are a few familiar faces in the crowd—there’s Jisoo and Jinyoung and the rest of the people Jennie just met through the photograph. Looking at each clip flashing, she can’t help but be reminded of her long, recurring, dream of walking in a long seashore—only, this time, this beach feels less painful. Like it’s full of life.

Clips of flowers, white linens and silver utensils come in between the people montage—making sense of the event. Jennie has an inkling of what the video is but she’s unsure. It is a wedding video, but something inside her is hesitant to admit that it was, like something is making her embarrassed about it. Until the video cuts to two hands holding each other—then, it fades to black.

In the darkness, a soft and sincere voice emerges.

_It’s when you look me in the eyes_

Hair on Jennie’s whole body stood. It’s a voice that is too familiar to her.

 

_That I know I am alive_

 

The video dissolves back onto the black screen, revealing _her_ —the woman she sees in the mirror— _her_ , in tears. Tears that weren’t brought by pain; tears that are beautiful.

Suddenly, it was her that was talking.

 

_And it’s when you hold me in your arms_

Her smile grew wider as tears dropped from her eyes.

 

_That I know, I am home._

Her smile grew even wider, showing off her gummy smile, as the bed music—some song Jennie’s not familiar to, but hits right through her chest—reach its height.

The screen turns black again, but only for a quick second because as the music prospers, images of her and Jaebum flash. They weren’t just clips taken for the sake of the video. They were memories, real life memories that happened, which were captured by the camera. They were all over each other laughing, dancing, holding each other, pulling each other close— _loving_ each other.

Jennie feels a big lump in her throat. Like she’s choking up, like everything’s just going to break lose if she won’t let go. But she can’t seem to let go.

The images stopped, cutting back to the calm sea and horizon with beautiful dashes of oranges fades against the blue sky. _It’s beautiful_. She thoughts to herself, losing words and her voice to describe the beauty she’s seeing.

 

_A dawn always promises a new beginning; whereas a sunset always promises a beautiful ending_

Jennie’s heart stopped beating at the sound of his voice—it’s Jaebum.

 

_It’s a passage I’ve read once in college that I can’t seem to take away from my mind._

 

The video cuts to her walking down the aisle in a breathtaking laced chiffon white dress that falls gracefully on the sand. It shows her back barely, but her hair rests perfectly in between, which was beautifully braided with daises around it. She has a bouquet of red roses and white daisies in her hand. The sunset colliding with her silhouette looked ethereal. It is beautiful. _She is beautiful_.

 

_I wondered why—why did I like it so much? How did it make me feel things I didn’t understand? Of all words ever written, why those?_

Then, he was holding her hand, looking down at them as he tries so hard to keep his tears from falling. He breaks into a smile, bites his lips, then looks up at her—his eyes sparkling with sincerity.

 

_Then it hit me. Because every word of it reminds me of you. Every word brings me to you. Those words, that phrase—it was meant for me to you._

He lifts their hands up, plants a soft kiss on her hand and placed it on his chest.

 

_You will always be my dawn I’d like to begin with and I’d always choose you to be the sunset I’ll go home to._

Jennie can’t tell when she started crying. Maybe it was during the part of the sunset or perhaps she’s been crying since she saw their hands together; but the moment she realizes it, she’s already breaking down in tears, sobbing.

There is an overwhelming feeling she has inside of her right now. This—their love—it’s just too beautiful. She’s happy, they are happy, and she truly believes that this person she’s seeing is genuinely happy and contented with her life. She has her whole beautiful life ahead of her, surrounded by the people she loves and cares for—who loves and cares for her too.

Jennie would love to believe that this is hers. That this is her life; that these people love her. But she knows that it’s a one big lie. She knows that staying, just letting things the way they are right now, is taking it away from its rightful owner. It’s taking away love from someone who truly deserves it, because she doesn’t deserve this. Her life isn’t beautiful. She doesn’t have people who care for her and love her. She doesn’t have this breathtaking horizon over the calm sea because all she has is a dark, deep ocean that’s pulling her down.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Jisoo shakes Jennie out from her clouded mind. “I didn’t mean to make you cry like this. Come here.”

Jisoo pulls Jennie into a hug, comforting her. Jennie wanted to tell her that it isn’t her fault. She didn’t make her cry; it’s just her and only her who’s responsible for this pain she’s feeling. But she can’t. Her throat is too dry; she can’t find the right words to speak. So, instead, she cried harder.

As if on cue, Jaebum gets inside their apartment with the sobbing Jennie to welcome him.

“What is going on? What happened?” Jaebum panics as soon as he heard Jennie’s cry from the door.

He immediately rushes to the living room, where he found Jennie and Jisoo on the floor. Jennie has her back on him, still crying, while Jisoo pats her back.

“Jisoo, what’s this?” he asked to which Jisoo answered with a don’t-panic-look, which of course, Jaebum isn’t buying.

He looks around and found the photographs scattered all around, still confused as to why Jennie is in tears, until his eyes landed on Jisoo’s phone on the floor. The video is paused on their wedding video’s last frame, before it fades to black—Jaebum and Jennie looking at the sunset, hand in hand.

It’s one of Jaebum’s most favorite sights ever; it’s something that always tug his heartstrings. But, now, knowing that the exact sight brought Jennie into tears—the painful kind of tears—his heart breaks seeing such a special moment.

“I think that’s enough for today, Jisoo.” Jaebum kneels down. “She needs to rest.”

Jaebum helped them to stand up. He and Jisoo carried Jennie to their room before he left the two to be alone. It’s becoming a habit now; to give Jennie space.

 

 

“What did you do?” Jaebum asked Jisoo as soon as she shuts the bedroom door behind her, leaving Jennie falling asleep in the bed.

Jisoo sighs, walking past Jaebum. “I was just trying to help, Jaebum. I read online that talking about the patient’s life will help them recover faster.”

 _Patient_. The word still irks Jaebum. He’s still finding it hard to wrap his head around the fact that Jennie is _a_ patient healing.

“She’s not ready for that.” Jaebum says following Jisoo to the kitchen as she starts scavenging their fridge.

“I don’t know about being ready,” Jisoo says taking a bottle of strawberry milk from the fridge. She knows very well that Jaebum _loves_ his strawberry milk and she’s drinking savagely.

“But it’s pretty obvious she’s curious.” Jisoo continues.

“Still, you can’t force her into something that can bring her pain—just like what happened today.” Jaebum said, drawing a line.

“She needs answers, Jaebum.” Jisoo says. “You can’t take that away from her.”

She leaves the half full bottle of strawberry milk on the countertop then she walks past Jaebum to get her things and coat, leaving the box of photos that Jaebum tidied. She wants Jennie to keep it.

“I think she needs to meet everyone. They miss her and I think she does too.” Jisoo ordered before stepping out, leaving Jaebum in misery once again.

Jaebum sighed heavily, standing awkwardly in the middle of his house, not knowing what to do. Silence quickly dominated the room. He turns to their bedroom, a door and a thick wall separating him and Jennie. He’s once again in this unusual setup that he’s slowly getting used to.

He silently walks to the kitchen, taking the grocery bag he has forgotten that he brought when he went home to a crying Jennie. He takes out the stuff he brought. It’s becoming another hobby of his, buying groceries even though their pantry is filled with stuff already. He has been looking forward to cooking these days knowing that it’s the only way he can do something for Jennie without scaring her too much. Jennie is just starting to feel a little bit more confident in this house but now, she’s clearly back in pain.

Jaebum chose to push those thoughts away, at least for tonight. It’s a good day; everything went well in the meeting with the dean. All that’s left for them to worry about is the event itself. He’s so excited to break the good news to Jennie but he feels like she’ll get overwhelmed with it so he just decided to make a special dinner to celebrate—even though it’s going to be a quiet dinner for sure.

He was in the middle of chopping vegetables for the dish when the bedroom door slightly opens. He immediately looks up and turns to the door, finding Jennie peeking from the small gap in surprise.

Jennie jumped in surprise. She was going to step back inside but Jaebum’s soft smile caught her in her place.

“Are you hungry?” Jaebum asked softly.

Jennie’s answer was in silence; something that Jaebum expected.

“I made Curry Katsu for dinner, your favorite.” Jaebum says, with the smile not leaving his face.

“I’m not yet done cooking, though.” He continues, the soft smile turning into an apologetic grin. “You can wait at the couch and watch some TV.” He glances at his watch. “I think that fashion TV show that you like is on right now.”

Jennie doesn’t know how it happened—there must be something quite enchanting in Jaebum’s soft voice and even softer smile—but she found herself walking to the living room and turning on the TV, just like she’s told.

He’s right. There’s some TV show about models and fashion airing the moment that Jennie switched the TV on. She tried watching it, trying to take grasp of what the show is really about. But she can’t seem to focus on the show. Not when she’s awkwardly sitting in the couch while Jaebum is busy preparing dinner behind her. She can’t seem to focus when she can hear him humming a soft melody that, even though it’s almost inaudible, is making its way to her ears like a ticklish whisper.

No. She just can’t focus on the show. So, eventually, she quit watching the show. She turns around, looking for something to distract her, when she found a sketchpad and a couple of pens on the TV cabinet. One thing that she noticed over the few days she’s been in this house, there’s always papers and pens somewhere—like someone wants to have them in reach all the time.

She takes the paper and pen, quietly, not wanting to draw attention from Jaebum. Then she went back to the couch, leaning her back on the arms of the couch. She puts the paper on her knees, drew a couple of doodles, nothing in particular, as she listens to Jaebum’s continuing hum. Unbeknownst her, she turns to the kitchen and watches Jaebum move around the kitchen. She realizes that what’s more comforting than his hum is watching him move around in the kitchen—cutting vegetables, turning to the stove, mixing stuff on the pot—just calmly lost in his own world.

“Is it taking so long?” Jaebum suddenly mumbles, turning to Jennie, pulling her from her thoughts.

Jennie quickly turns away, flustered.

“Just a few more minutes, I promise.”

Jennie bites her lips, embarrassed. It was only then when she realized, that while getting lost with watching Jaebum, she had sketched Jaebum with an apron—the exact view ahead of her.

She quickly closed the notebook and runs to the room, shutting the room.

 _Too much talking_. Jaebum thoughts to himself as he watches the door shuts. “When will I ever learn?”

With a heavy sigh, he continues preparing dinner. He was almost done though, just waiting for the curry to cook. _If he only stopped himself from talking_. In his defense, he felt like he needed to do something. He noticed that Jennie was watching him for a while even before he started talking. He’s used to it—he should be. They have shared a million comfortable silences in the past. But this time, everything felt new so he thought he needed an icebreaker. However, it ended as one of his biggest regrets.

He finished preparing dinner and once again faced his biggest dilemma; should he knock and call Jennie for dinner or should he just patiently wait for her to come out and let the food get cold?

With yet another sigh, he chose the second option and stepped away from the door. He went to their storage cabinet, took out the vacuum cleaner and starts cleaning the floor. Their pets immediately run to him as soon as they heard the vacuum whooshing but Jaebum ignored them and focused on cleaning. In between vacuuming, he fixes the furniture and stuff in the living room—returning them in their proper _order_.

He notices Jennie’s pen and paper mixing. He unknowingly turns to the bedroom, thinking that Jennie has it with her. He felt a soft tug in his chest, thinking _and hoping_ that she’s going back to sketching. He remembers how she always have this sudden urge to draw or sketch something which leads to her ordering Jaebum to get her sketchpad—no matter where they are, much to his annoyance. So, Jaebum just filled corners of their house with small sketchpads and pens for times of emergency.

Jaebum smiles then goes back to cleaning, with much more enthusiasm this time. He didn’t stop cleaning. Once he’s done with the living room, he continued cleaning the entire house, up until the wooden floors. He was focused moving the vacuum forward and back, looking intently at the machine. His mind wandering and thinking how much of an innovative invention this device is, when he hit a pair of slippers with the head of the vacuum—a yellow fluffy slippers he knows so well.

He turns up, finding Jennie standing still and staring at him.

“Hi.” He mumbles.

“Hi.” Jennie replied.

Jaebum’s heart skipped a beat. It’s been a while since he last heard that soft _hi_ and it was only now that he realizes how much he’s missing it.

For a moment, they are just staring at each other until Oreo started barking and runs to the vacuum, making Jaebum realize that the vacuum is still on and in the pits of sucking the fur off Jennie’s slippers.

“Oh, sorry.” Jaebum immediately shuts the vacuum off and straightens his back, looking away in embarrassment. He bites his lip. How can this feel so awkward? They used to laugh off something like this.

“R-ready for dinner?” Jaebum stutters, walking to the kitchen and leaving the vacuum by the couch. “I’ll just head the curry sauce.”

He washes his hands and heats up the sauce as he said. Then he turns to the counter top, facing the dining table.

Jennie quietly follows him to the kitchen and taking a seat at the dining table.

It was his soft hum, once again. It’s amazing how Jennie can hear his hum amidst the loud vacuum and chaotic barking and meowing. Amidst the noise, she can still feel his soft hum like a whisper in her ear, inviting her to him. Before she knew it, she’s by the door and silently turning the knob.

Then it was his smile. It’s crazy how someone can smile that genuinely soft while doing a chore like cleaning. His soft grin while he fixes the stuff on the table and the pillows on the couch makes a chore look like a relaxing thing to do.

Even now, facing him _but_ avoiding his gaze, she can’t describe what it is she’s feeling or why is she even feeling this way. But it’s undeniable that she’s being drawn to him.

A few minutes later, Jaebum brings food to the table—but just for one. After giving Jennie her food, he walks back to the countertop and prepares food for himself, much to Jennie’s discomfort.

“I figured it might be uncomfortable for you to eat together.” Jaebum said when he noticed Jennie is watching him with puzzle.

He’s right. But it’s worse for her to see him eating away like that.

“Yeah but you’re making me feel worse with that.” Jennie said, looking away. “You can, uh, eat he-here.”

“Oh, yeah.” Jaebum wasn’t expecting that. “Of course.”

Jaebum then brings his food to the dining table, as quickly as he could without spilling anything—which failed because his chopsticks fell just before he reached the table.

They both bend down to get the chopsticks but Jaebum beat Jennie into getting it.

“Got it! Got it, got it.” He mumbles as picks it up and takes a seat on the chair—only to stand again and get a clean pair of chopsticks.

Jaebum finally sits on the chair, facing Jennie, after a series of clumsy events. Then they eat. It was so quiet and awkward that they both finished eating in just about fifteen minutes or less. Jennie was the first to finish, making Jaebum panic so finishes his meal in the next instant too.

They stand up almost at the same time, cleaning up their dishes as they do.

“I’ll do it. I’ll clean up.” Jaebum said.

But Jennie ignored it and still cleaned up the table, getting everything except Jaebum’s plate, which he’s still holding.

Jennie brings the dishes to the sink with Jaebum following her behind. Jennie turns the faucet knob and with the sound of water gushing, prepares to do the dishes while Jaebum stands beside her awkwardly. Jaebum was unknowingly _too_ close, about a foot away, that it’s making Jennie’s ear hot and red.

Not wanting to make it obvious that she’s flustered, Jennie reaches from the dish sponge—only to make her more flustered because Jaebum reaches for it to at the _exact same_ time, making an unnecessary touch.

Jaebum, of course, brushed it off. It’s not a big deal for him. But Jennie froze in her place. When Jennie didn’t take the sponge, Jaebum did only to realize that Jennie was rather startled with the sudden touch.

“I told you, I’ll do it.” Jaebum mumbles, sounding like he’s teasing Jennie.

To her surprise, Jennie found Jaebum with a wide grin when she turned to him.

“Go and wash up so you can sleep early.” He said softly as he takes over the sink.

Jennie steps back, once again lost in his soft smile and voice. She stood there for a moment, just watching him before she realize she shouldn’t be doing that. So, she leaves him and goes to wash up like she’s told.

She washes her face with cold water, hoping it will wake her up from this weird enchantment. With her eyes closed, she’s reminded of everything that just happened—from the way he cooked, the way he was so immersed into cleaning and how clumsy he was over dinner—she can’t help but wonder _I seriously fell in love with that_? But as she walks out of the bathroom and glances at Jaebum playing with the cats, she was reminded by the wedding video Jisoo showed her and how it was filled with so much love.

She enters the bedroom and takes the sketch she just did. She slumps herself on the bed looking at it, feeling like there is something missing in the drawing. Then it occurred to her, while staring at his eyes, it was the mole. For once, she didn’t feel pain thinking about those pair of moles.

So she draws them in, completing the sketch. Then, at the bottom of the paper, she wrote a word that somehow summarizes the comforting yet enchanting feeling she has. _Home._

 

 

Hospitals are like Jaebum’s second home; he has always had this weird comfort in hospitals. But for Jennie, hospitals are suffocating. It reminds her of her dark days, of her dreadful dreams. They just arrived and have been sitting for only fifteen minutes or so but being here, waiting, is already too exhausting for her. The smell of antiseptic, the lights that are too bright and _white_ , and people’s soft chatters filling the air—everything about this place is making her uncomfortable and nauseous.

People passing by, greeting Jaebum and giving nods is not helping at all. The last thing she wants right now is attention but that’s exactly what they’re getting—especially from the nurses at the nurses’ station who are, Jennie’s sure, giving Jaebum the _attention_.

Jennie was staring at them, past Jaebum, when he turned to her and gave her a soft smile. She quickly turns away, embarrassed.

Jaebum pursed his lips, suppressing a smile.

Jennie bit her lip. Her discomfort is getting worse now that it’s mixed with embarrassment. She’s feeling a pit being dugged in her stomach as her head spins, totally uncomfortable.

Until she heard Jaebum’s soft hum. His hum makes its way to her ears like a whisper, slowly enveloping her tensed body and, before she knew it, she’s finding ease. She turned to Jaebum; he’s sitting calmly with his hands on his lap and tapping his fingers along with his hum. Jennie takes a deep breath, closing her eyes, and lets his soft hum do its magic—calming, or perhaps just distracting, her chaotic mind and shutting everything around her successfully.

But then the humming stopped.

She opens her eyes and turned to Jaebum, finding him on his feet, talking to a doctor.

He turned to her. “Sorry. I’ll be back.” He said apologetically, to which Jennie just nods.

She watches Jaebum walk a few steps ahead, chatting to the doctor. She takes another deep breath and closed her eyes, not wanting to lose the comfort she found.

But it all came back. The soft chattering around her, the smell of antiseptic, and the light is too bright and white again. She struggles to keep her eyes closed, calming her thoughts with deep breaths—it was successful until she heard a voice.

“Miss Lee Eunjung?”

A voice, which sounds too familiar; like it’s something she hears often. A voice that owns a part of her head; her memories.

Jennie shoots her eyes wide open, glancing around looking for the owner of the voice. When she did, though, she found no one. Except for a guy, on his back, disappearing to a room.

Jennie panics. She doesn’t know why. It’s way worse than the discomfort she felt earlier. This time, the uneasy feeling is actually manifesting into beads of sweat on her forehead and her hand is starting to shake. She stands, wanting to follow the man, but her wobbly legs failed her and made her fall.

“Jennie,” Jaebum calls in panic, catching her by the arm just before she reaches the steel chairs. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Jennie didn’t answer, her mind slowly submitting to a blur.

Jaebum’s panic heightens but he chose not to show it. Instead, he helped Jennie take her seat and held her softly by the arm, as if protecting her.

It took about thirty minutes more before they were called in Dr. Seohyun’s clinic; both Jennie and Jaebum are losing their minds in the tensed silence.

“Jennie?” She calls. “Ms. Kim Jennie?”

Jaebum was the one who turned when she was called while Jennie stares ahead, looking even more uncomfortable.

“Let’s go.” Jaebum whispered. It’s still a surprise how Jennie can hear his voice amidst her chaotic thoughts.

“Come on.” Jaebum helped her get up and guided her to Dr. Seohyun’s office, his hand placed carefully and protectively on the small of her back.

“I’m sorry it took me a while.” Seohyun apologized as they get inside the clinic. “Saturdays are really packed for me.”

“No, it’s fine. We weren’t waiting for long.” Jaebum assured, keeping his eyes on Jennie as he guide her to a seat.

“Did something happen?” Seohyun asked, noticing that both Jaebum and Jennie are uneasy.

It took Jaebum a moment before answering, wondering whether he’ll say the truth or admit that he doesn’t know what happened. He shakes his head in shame, feeling bad and wondering how everything went to worse in a snap.

Seohyun just nods, as if to assure him. “You can take your seat.”

Jaebum does so and Seohyun sits on hers too.

“Hi, Jennie,” she greets in a friendly, welcoming tone.

It took Jennie a while to realize that she was talking to her.

She slowly turned to the doctor, trying to calm herself, which fails.

Seohyun smiled at her warmly before she starts talking, asking random questions and making small talk—none of which makes sense to Jennie. She just answers with either a yes or a no; or simply with a nod. Her mind is still wandering off to that familiar voice she heard, wondering when and where she can hear it again—or if it’s even real. Her mind is too clouded that she can actually feel her head aching.

Then suddenly, she felt warmth at the back of her hand, slowly roaming her fingers. It was Jaebum’s hand holding hers. She didn’t think twice, or maybe it’s her body craving for comfort, but she let him take over her hand until their fingers lock.

“Dr. Park? Here are the files you were asking for.”

_That’s it. That’s the voice._

Jennie turns to the voice in a snap, finding a young man walking towards their direction. She follows the man until he reached Seohyun—that’s when she had a good look of him.

“Oh, thank you, Mark.” Seohyun says before she turned to the couple. “Hold on, this is gonna be quick.”

 

_Humans originally wondered at the obvious difficulties._

_Mark_. The pain in her head worsens, making her feel that the place is actually moving. Memories in words and shattered images flash by her eyes. She sees a memory of herself walking by the Han River with this guy beside her.

_They will advance little by little until they find themselves in a much difficult manner._

_Mark_. Her hands shake—rattles, and sweat drips from her temple. Flashes of a phone ringing with the initials M and T cross her mind.

_He ends up philosophizing as an escape from that ignorance._

 

She sees herself, sobbing on the floor like a mess. The memories have turned into a big storm in her head, destroying and messing up everything that she has been trying to relive.

_Just like you. You’re just scared._

_You’re scared._

_You’re scared._

 

It replays like a broken record in her head. Each time it repeats, it feels like someone is stomping on her chest and giving her an unbearable pain.

_You’re scared._

 

She detached her hand from Jaebum’s, balling her hand into fists while she stares at the young man as if she’s seeking for help.

The man and Seohyun are in the middle of discussing something while Jennie stares at him—all under Jaebum’s watch. He doesn’t know what’s going on. He doesn’t even know why she’s looking so pale and uncomfortable since they got in the clinic, and now he’s wondering why she’s looking at this young man with so much earnest, like she’s wanting his attention.

Jaebum turns to the young man, examining him, wondering where he saw him because he looks oddly too familiar. Then he remembers. He is the guy at the hospital the other day, spitting some philosophical bullshit like a crazy man.

“I understand, Dr. Park. I’ll do exactly what you said.” The young man, Mark, concludes.

He then turns around to find two pair of eyes staring at him intently. Seohyun turns back to her patient, surprised by the sudden tension.

“Is everything okay?” Seohyun asked, pulling Jaebum from his thoughts while Jennie remains unfazed.

“I—yeah.” Jaebum stutters, turning Jennie only to find her still looking at the guy with the same need. “I don’t know.”

Jaebum sighs and Seohyun can only give a sympathetic look.

“You know me, right?” Jennie’s shaky voice takes everyone’s attention.

Mark wrinkled his eyebrows in puzzle, turning to Seohyun with nervousness before glancing at Jaebum and sensing the tension he’s sending him.

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am.” Mark says calmly. “But this is the first time I’m meeting you.”

“Yes, Jennie,” Seohyun steps in. “Sorry for not introducing earlier. But this is Mark Tuan. He’s my new assistant, he just started last Monday—“

“No, no, no,” Jennie shakes her head, panting. “You must know me.”

Seohyun turned to Jaebum. He’s stunned like a stone, staring blankly at Jennie. What he can’t show is how broken and hurt he is. He has no idea what is going on. Why is this man here and why Jennie is insisting that he knows her. There is some puzzle piece missing here—a puzzle piece to make Jennie feel better, to give her the answers that she needs—but he doesn’t know if he wants to find that puzzle piece when it can potentially break his heart into a million pieces.

“I see you. I see you in my head—my memories.” Jennie cries.

“Please. Please tell me who I am.” She pleads, her voice breaking along with Jaebum’s heart.

 

 

The sky has turned dark; droplets of rain are starting to fill the car’s windshield. Jaebum’s grip at the steering wheel is tight, so tight that his fingernails are turning white and crescent marks on his palm are forming. He doesn’t know how to deal with the situation, how to react or what to even feel. He’s at loss, faking that he’s calmly taking in control when all he wants is just to burst. He wants to believe that his love is greater than all of his fears, but he doesn’t know anymore for how long he could still hold onto this hopeless belief.

He glances at Jennie through the rear-view mirror, not wanting to alarm her. She’s staring ahead, her hands on her lap while her mind is obviously wandering elsewhere. She has calmed down now after she has taken a mild sedative after what happened. Seohyun had to send Mark away first to stop Jennie from sobbing.

Both Jaebum and Jennie have loads of questions for him but it seems like the young man is just as oblivious as them.

Jaebum steps on the break a little bit too hard, almost missing the red light, creating a sudden thud on the vehicle.

“Sorry.” He mumbles as soon as he resumed control. “Are you okay?”

When he turns to Jennie, she has her grip tight on the seat belt, breathing heavily and shaking.

“Jennie, what’s—what happened?” Jaebum panics.

She pants heavier until she’s struggling to catch her breath. She started crying, eventually sobbing and whining like she’s in some kind of pain. Jaebum’s world crashes down. It’s happening again—things getting out of control in a snap. Jennie suffering, leaving him frustrated when all he wants to do is to make her feel better.

He turns to her, not minding the seat belt that’s restraining him.

“Jennie, tell me what’s wrong.” He pleads, reaching for her arm. “Tell me what I need to do.”

The rain pours harder; lightning and thunder strikes and roars in the dark sky. Jennie sobs harder, like she’s terrified and small.

“I want to get out of here.” She finally speaks, her voice hoarse. “Please.”

Jaebum’s shoulder drops. His heart sinks deeper in his chest, taking the life out of him. He’s frustrated and confused and hurt. He has so many questions in his head. He wanted to throw a fit, demand some answers—explanations. But amidst his own pain, all he can see and all that matters to him is Jennie. All he wants to do right now is to get her, take her in his arms and pull her out of this pain she’s feeling. And that’s what he’s going to do.

The light turned green and it didn’t take a while before the car behind them started honking, asking them to move.

Aggressively, Jaebum shifts gears and swerves lane to pull over at the side of the highway. He took a turn, entering a less busy street where he pulled over.

He takes his seat belt off, turns to the backseat to grab his lab gown before hopping off the car.

He goes to the passenger seat and opens the door for Jennie.

“Let’s go.” He says.

It took Jennie by surprise but she gets off the car anyway.

Jaebum covers her with the lab coat as she gets off to shield her from the rain. As soon as she steps out, she throws herself at Jaebum as if she’s seeking for protection.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” Jaebum assures in a whisper, putting the lab coat over her head. “I’m here.”

Jaebum lets her sob in his chest, giving her time until she’s ready. Then, a few moments later, she moves back a bit to look up at him. She looks at him with those dreamy eyes; Jaebum swears he would’ve kissed her at that exact moment if only she didn’t utter those words he never thought he’ll hear.

“I want to find Mark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **sharkeu's notes:**
> 
> *freeze frame*  
> *random soft filter*  
> *credits rolling as ballad OST plays*
> 
> accepting random theories in 3... 2... 1...
> 
>  
> 
> **secondofmay's notes:**
> 
> it's hot and it's cold.  
> it can never be neither,  
> cause it should be both :P
> 
> eHehe a looooong chapter for you guys with an ending full of surprise :))  
> drop yalls theories down in the comments or in our cc's <3
> 
> peace 🌴


	6. Gradually

The sky is heavily crowded and gray. The rain is pouring hard, the raindrops are making loud yet harmonized sound as it hits the stone pavement. People are running around avoiding the rain, looking for a shed, as their water splashes from the water puddles they step onto. Rain has always brought panic because, most of the time, it’s unexpected. It catches people off guard, pushing away their sun.

It’s just too much for Jennie. She hasn’t even fully seen her sunshine back and now the rain has taken away the tiniest hope of sunray in her. She can’t remember how it happened but as soon as the rain starts pouring, when she felt the sudden bump, and heard the tires screeching against the wet road, everything went loose. She started sobbing and she found herself having trouble breathing. She needed to get out of the car; to go away; to _save_ herself.

And then her mind drifted off to one thing that may get her closer to her sun.

“I want to find Mark.”

Jennie looks straight into Jaebum’s eyes as if she’s waiting for permission—no. She’s looking intently at him asking for help.

Truth be told, she doesn’t know who Mark is—at least, she doesn’t know who he’s supposed to be. But she sees her, though a little bit blurry, she’s certain it was him she’s seeing in those flashbacks in her head. She’s certain when she heard his voice and she was more certain when she saw his face. But how can he deny that he knows her when she sees him so clear?

She needs her answers and the only way to get those answers is to find him. But she’s helpless. Just thinking about him now and looking back at those flashes of memories drain the life out of her. She can’t do this alone. She needs help and, for some reasons she can’t even explain herself, a part of her knows that Jaebum is that help she needs. He’s the only help she needs.

“Please.” She pleaded, her voice breaking as tears stream down her cheeks nonstop.

“Okay.” Jaebum suddenly cups her face, letting the lab coat fall on top of her head. “We’ll find him.”

Along with those unexpected words came his unexpected warmth on her skin. Amidst the cold rain slowly seeping through the lab coat that’s supposed to protect her from the rain, Jaebum’s touch remains warm and comforting. Like the cold rain making its way against Jennie’s skin, she feels his sincerity heartbreakingly clear.

“We’ll find Mark together.”

 

 

 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Jennie tells herself as she takes a quick shower, realizing how dumb she must be sounding earlier. She’s supposed to be Jaebum’s wife, how can she ask him to look for some other man? What if he gets angry and not help her at all? What if he thinks she’s some crazy woman?

Desperate—that’s what she is. Desperate to find answers; desperate to find the truth; desperate to find herself. She’s so desperate that she’s seeking help from two men she doesn’t really know; two men who keep on appearing in her head giving her pain.

“This is just getting crazier.” She sighs as she looks up, letting the water hit her face.

She closed her eyes and the first thing she saw, for the first time in a while, is something she’s sure that happened. Something that she’s certain she saw real time. Something she’s sure was real—Jaebum’s eyes looking at her as she cries. She sees it perfectly clear, as if it’s not a mere dream—the two of them, standing under the pouring rain. As lame and dramatic as it sounds, there’s one thing that resounds from that moment that she still feels until now. She’s protected.

Jennie finishes her shower and steps out of the bathroom to change into fresh clothes. She walks to the closet, mistakenly opening the first one instead of the other where she has been taking sweatpants and shirt all this time, and was surprised to see a closet filled with clothes that could _actually_ be hers. She checks them out, seeing clothing pieces that are closer to her size and more likely to her style. Then, she blushes. She’s finally realizing that she has been raiding Jaebum’s closet all along.

Brushing away the embarrassment, she takes a white _Adidas_ shirt and black sweatpants then changes into them. For the first time since the hospital gown, she’s actually wearing something that fits her perfectly.

She goes out of the room and the first thing she saw is Jaebum working at the kitchen, a view that she’s starting to get used to. It’s surprising how calm and collected he is after all that shit that happened—the shit that she brought him. He’s on the sink, washing something, while he has a pot cooking on the stove. She watched him for a while before realizing he hasn’t changed and his clothes are now damped; drying from being drenched under the rain.

Jaebum was in the middle of rinsing the dishes when he felt something on his head. He turned and found Jennie smiling shyly at him.

“I’ll finish that.” Jennie offered. “Go get changed before you get sick.”

Jaebum wasn’t expecting that at all, he wasn’t even expecting Jennie will come out of the room tonight, but he can’t help but break into a soft smile.

“Thank you.” He says softly before turning to take a quick shower.

He turns to look at her before entering the bathroom, he watches for a while, his heart warming. She has finished the dishes now and is slowly stirring the stew he prepared, a slight smile forming in her face. He doesn’t care about what sacrifices he’ll have to make. He’ll do everything to fully bring back her smile.

They ate dinner slowly after Jaebum finished shower. It was a quiet dinner, as usual, but neither of them ate quickly. They take small bites slowly, letting the stew warm them up from the cold rain. They cleaned up the table and dishes harmoniously once they’re done, no unwanted and awkward touch this time—or if there was, none of them made a big deal out of it.

Jennie went straight back to the room after cleaning up while Jaebum went for the couch, without event thinking. Normally, he’d pick up the vacuum and starts cleaning to clear up his mind but instead of doing so, he takes a box on his camera shelf. He sat on the wooden table in the living room and opens the box. Every time Jaebum will have a film developed he keeps the photos in this box until he and Jennie sits down and look at all the photos as they have taken over the past months or so, then they put them in a scrapbook-like photo album. This particular box has all of the photos he had developed since Jennie got into an accident but he never put it in the photo album because it’s supposed to be _their_ thing.

He still has no intention of putting them on the photo album, though. He feels like it’ll overwhelm Jennie to force her into doing something she can’t even remember. He just wanted to look at the photos to cool it down for tonight. He looks at them, a smile forming in his face as he remembers the memories behind each photo.

“What are those?”

Jaebum turns to his side in surprise, finding Jennie looking behind him curiously.

“I was just looking at these photos—how long have you been there?” he asked.

“Not long. I was going to…stretch a bit.” She replied, uneasy, forgetting what she was really doing outside before getting distracted by Jaebum.

Jaebum stare at her in puzzle, not buying the stretching thing, but he smiles anyway.

“I had these developed a few months ago.” Jaebum mumbles. “Wanna take a look at them?”

Jennie nods slowly before she walks to the shelf in front of Jaebum and leans on it. Jaebum just smiles at her, handing her some of the photos in his hand. The first set were photos consisting of what looks like a green field, tall green grasses brush and perfectly contrast the blue sky. Another photo shows a stack of sushi and sashimi plates with a sushi train behind it; its backdrop is that of a busy restaurant. The next photo is that of a very famous park that, even though Jennie can’t remember she’s been at, she’s certain where the happy place is.

“Disneyland?” she mumbles.

Jaebum looks at her, noticing the rest of the photos in his hand.

“Yeah.” He smiles. “We went to Japan for our anniversary last year. You bugged me all year that we should go there for our anniversary and of course, I gave in.”

Jaebum chuckled while Jennie looks at the photos. There’s a photo of her in a street, surrounded by stray cats and she was laughing so excitedly. She flips the next photo and was so surprised to see _her_. It was a blurry photo taken under the moonlight but her wide smile is so clear.

“Happy.” She mumbles softly, just like when she saw that photo from Jisoo.

“Of course you should.” Jaebum says. “You said it was the best trip we’ve ever been to. You loved every single bit about it. When we tire ourselves in walking around Disneyland the whole day; when we ate the best sushi we’ve ever tasted.” Jaebum continues talking as Jennie looks at the photo. The next photo she saw was _her_ in the middle of a long road. She has her back on the camera and feels like she was walking so peacefully.

“When we went to Kamifurano-cho,” Jaebum continues. “You insisted on visiting that road so much only to lose yourself in silence and leave me behind.”

Jennie unconsciously touches the ring on her finger when the next photo shows her the same ring, on the same hand, beside a plane’s window pane—as if she’s reaching for the clouds. She flips onto the next photo and her heart almost skipped a beat. It was the same hand, the ring sparkling on her finger with the moonlight shining over it, with Jaebum’s fingers intertwined in it.

“Even if it’s just us walking in the Tokyo streets—“ Jaebum stops midway, realizing how wide his smile was and how excited he sounded.

He almost forgot about the whole not-wanting-to-overwhelm-Jennie thing. He even scolded Jisoo about it but here he is doing the same thing. He suddenly bites his lip, scared that he might lose the peace again and have hurt Jennie with his stories. But he looks up at her and found her focused on the photos. She doesn’t look like she remembers all the memories they’ve made in Japan but she wasn’t repulsive either. In fact, it looks like she’s accepting them, keeping the memories in her.

He melts into a smile watching her. “You were so happy even with just holding my hand.”

“But I don’t see you.” Jennie suddenly looks at him, catching him off guard, handing him the rest of the photos.

He reached for them before turning away, embarrassed.

“Well, you love having photoshoots.” He laughs awkwardly.

“But why am I alone?”

“You’re not alone, silly.” Jaebum smiled. “I’m with you in all of them, I’m just behind the camera.”

Jaebum chuckles softly, remembering all the things that happened on that trip. How happy they were, how madly in love he was with Jennie, and how he never thought he’ll ever fall deeper for her but he did.

“I just love looking at you; looking after you.” He said with that same soft smile that he always has.

Jennie’s heart thumps fast and hard in her chest without her control. Looking for a distraction as Jaebum continues with his stories from that trip, Jennie reaches for one of the camera from the shelf and starts playing with it. She looks through it, glancing around the room until the lenses found Jaebum. Through the camera, she sees Jaebum—none of his stories are making its way to her ears for her heart is thumping too loud in her chest—being so immersed in his story. He’s smiling so wide that his eyes are forming fine crescents. The thumping in her chest gets faster, she gets flustered, and her cheeks and ears are burning. It was only when a flash surprised them both that she realized she has clicked the camera.

“W-what was that?” Jaebum, flustered, asked.

“I-I didn’t know it was working!” Jennie stuttered. “I was just trying it out. That’s all.”

Jennie puts down the camera, turning to the shelf to put back the camera. She stood there awkwardly with her back on him for a while, not knowing what to do. Jaebum, on the other hand, was just staring at her too with no idea of what just happened.

“I-I’m going to sleep.” Jennie finally says.

“O-okay. Good ni—“ Jaebum couldn’t even finish, Jennie has already dashed to the room.

Jennie immediately slumps herself on the bed, throwing the blanket over her and all the way to her head as if it can cool her down from being so flushed. She takes the blanket off eventually, gasping for air.

She stares at the ceiling seeking for slumber but ends up thinking about Jaebum instead. She sees his soft smile, he can hear the excitement in his voice as he talks about the Japan anniversary, but she remember his warmth under the pouring rain the most.

“Maybe Jaebum is not that bad.” She mumbles to herself. “Maybe that’s why _she_ loves him.”

 

***

 

Weeks have passed and it’s safe to say that Jennie has continued warming up. There are less panic attacks, her walls are gradually lowering down, and her overall condition is getting better. There is still a distinct barrier between her and Jaebum, he’s still stuck in the couch to be exact, but there has been less awkward silence between them. The silence didn’t leave, though, it just grew more comfortable. Jennie wasn’t shutting Jaebum completely now. In fact, they get into random conversations every now and then.

Jaebum is always cautious though. It’s like walking on egg shells for him but he’s getting the knack of it. Jennie can still be a little bit unpredictable but Jaebum has been nothing but understanding, keeping in mind that even though she seems lost right now, she’s still the woman he loves the most. She just needs time.

So instead of pressuring her into remembering, Jaebum focused on giving the best for her. Preparing food for her; cleaning around; making sure her bed is comfortable and the room is not too cold or not too warm; he prepares stuff to keep her entertained and preoccupied—all while maintaining the right distance. He didn’t want to rush things and lose everything at once.

 

_Daisies always remind me of you. Simple and yet has an everlasting beauty. Good morning, my Love._

 

Jennie blushed seeing the note and daisies she found on top of the kitchen counter one morning. It’s barely eight in the morning but her whole face is already flushed and red.

“Oh, you’re early.” Jaebum mumbled as he stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed (he has learned his lesson), drying his hair with a towel.

Jennie froze in her place in panic, not knowing what to do, as if she was caught doing something she’s not supposed to.

Jaebum nonchalantly walked to her.

“I brought them last night.” Jaebum says. “There was this little girl outside the hospital selling flowers. She was tugging my sleeves talking in gibberish.” He chuckles softly. “I swear, I couldn’t understand her. _Dwaishi, dwazhi. Pwetty!”_

He imitates the little girl, even talking in a baby voice. “I only realized she’s talking about daisies when she almost shoved these on my chest.”

Jennie follows his hand as he touches one of the little flower buds, playing around its petals with his fingers.

“She was so cute, so adorable.” He mumbled to himself. “ _Dwashies! Pwetty dwaishies!_ ”

Jennie’s heart throbbed fast in her chest. She can’t take her eyes away from Jaebum playing with the flower as images of him and the little girl play on her head. Her knees got weak just thinking about him melting over the little girl’s cuteness. She could see him smiling softly, leaning down at her as she sells him daisies.

“She kept on bothering me to buy it.” Jaebum continued. “She didn’t know I don’t need convincing anyway.”

Jaebum turned to Jennie. “I’d buy them because it reminded me of you.”

He smiled at her and Jennie had to purse her lips, which resulted in some weird wide-eye awkward look making Jaebum laugh a little.

“I made breakfast for you.” He said before turning and walking to the couch.

Jennie was about to call him in and ask him to join her for breakfast but she found him already asleep as soon as she turned to the couch. She turned back to the daisies, took them and smelled them—even though she knows daisies are never the fragrant type of flower, that one smelled particular soft to her.

It was moments like this that make them feel like everything is normal. Moments when Jennie doesn’t feel like she’s trapped in a dream that feels so real and moments when Jaebum doesn’t feel like he’s in some unwanted competition. Neither of them forgot about Mark, though. In the midst of the blossoming comfort, they are both aware of a goal; it just seems like both of them are delaying it right now.

But it was still inevitable. Jennie’s next therapy with Dr. Seohyun arrives. She and Jaebum went to the clinic earlier than usual since Seohyun has her own schedules in the afternoon. The car ride was quiet, as usual, but this time the tensed silence is creeping in once again. Jennie is feeling a little bit an uneasy on the way there; partly because she feels embarrassed meeting Seohyun after what happened in her last visit but mostly because there is a big possibility she’s meeting Mark again.

Jaebum, on the other hand, has his eyes fixed on the road and trying his best to calm his head. He’s a little bit at war with himself right now. If it’s only his decision to make, he’d do everything to take Jennie away from that Mark guy. It might be pure jealousy or he’s just being cautious, but that guy gives him some off feelings. But he has made a promise to Jennie and to himself; he’ll do everything to make her feel better.

They arrived at the clinic earlier than they expected; nothing beats early morning traffic. They entered the building in without a word but Jaebum made sure to guide Jennie in, putting a hand on the small of her back.

They walked to the nurses’ station to check in their arrival and notify Seohyun of their arrival.

Jennie stands awkwardly beside Jaebum while he is busy having small talk with the nurses. She didn’t bother getting into the conversation, especially when their soft giggles are slowly getting into her nerves without her control. She feels a little bit betrayed. The past days, she was admittedly feeling good with Jaebum around her; he cares for her, he’s sweet, he’s gentle—exactly what you expect from a doting husband. But here he is right now, talking all so soft and sweet with these _strangers_ and Jennie can’t help but feel a little bit defeated—or that’s what she thought.

“Is everything okay?”

A voice catches everyone’s attention—it was Seohyun, coming from outside.

“Seohyun, hey.” Jaebum greets, shifting his whole attention from the nurses to the doctor.

Jennie, on the other hand, simply straightens her body.

“Hi.” Seohyun mumbles before turning to Jennie and gently linking her arms on to her. “Are you ready?”

Though surprised, the sudden contact didn’t really make Jennie uncomfortable. So, she nods instead.

Seohyun then leads the way to her clinic, walking past Jaebum who walks behind them before she turns to him.

“Oh, by the way,” Seohyun turns to Jaebum. “I’d like to talk to Jennie in private for now.”

Both Jaebum and Jennie are taken aback, neither of them seems open to the idea of being alone until Seohyun smiles at Jaebum reassuringly.

“I think we need a little bit alone time for a girl talk.” Seohyun winks at Jaebum before turning to Jennie. “Right?”

There is something about Seohyun that, even though she’s straightforward and perky like this, she doesn’t really make people feel uncomfortable—even Jennie. Despite all her self-restrictions, she still finds herself being comfortable around Seohyun.

Jennie nods, leaving Jaebum with no choice but stay in the lobby.

Jennie and Seohyun turn around and walks to the clinic.

“Jaebum still has his charms, huh?” Seohyun mumbles as she opens the door for Jennie.

“Charms?” Jennie asks as she enters the clinic.

Seohyun follows her in, shutting the door behind them. “Yeah, charms. You know, with the girls. People used to call him Dr. Romantic.”

“What?” Jennie asks, equally surprised and in disbelief.

Seohyun chuckles lightly. “Back when we were in our internship—you know when, he still thinks his heart is for curing humans and not animals,” Seohyun covers her mouth, like in a whisper, as if it’s an old secret no one should know. “All of the doctors and nurses in the university hospital swoon over him.”

“Why?” Jennie is still in a puzzle.

“Well, personally, I don’t know.” Seohyun shrugged. “But I think, you should know better.”

Like a snap, Jennie’s body got tensed, like she’s guilty or something.

“I mean,” Seohyun walks past her and went for her mini pantry inside the clinic instead of her desk. “You’re his wife, after all.”

Jennie bites her lip. Flustered, she feels like her whole face is hot and red.

“What do you want, coffee? Tea?” Seohyun offers.

Jennie shakes her head, calming herself, before she turns to Seohyun and find her behind the small coffee bar.

“Coffee’s fine—can you make it iced?” Jennie replied, holding her hot red cheeks.

“Iced?” Seohyun echoes, wondering if Jennie was joking but the latter just nods. “Okay, I think there’s ice here somewhere.”

Seohyun turns to start roasting coffee before looking for ice in the fridge.

“Oh, look, there’s ice!” she says. “But this is gonna take a little while, take your seat first.”

Jennie does as she’s told and turns to the couch near Seohyun’s desk.

“No, no!” Seohyun calls. “Let’s take the bar for now. It’s a girl talk, after all.”

“Oh, okay.” Jennie mumbles, walking back to the bar.

She takes a seat on the bar stool as she watches Seohyun, on her back, making coffee and preparing something else that she can’t figure out right now. It was quiet, nothing is heard except the coffee maker and soft sound of utensils meeting porcelain. The silence wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, just a little bit awkward. It didn’t take long before Jennie starts glancing around, as if looking for something to complete the scene.

A few minutes later, Seohyun turns around with the fresh pot of coffee in one hand and a plate of cookies on the other.

Jennie immediately helps her, reaching for the cookies and places it on the bar top as Seohyun puts the coffee beside it. She turns back around to get herself a cup and Jennie a glass with ice.

“There you go,” Seohyun says, getting herself coffee. “But you might wanna cool it down a bit, otherwise, the ice would be pointless.”

Jennie nods then silence filled the air once again. This time, it was _way_ more awkward and a little bit uncomfortable. Jennie suddenly gets nervous, waiting for _something_ to happen.

“Are you looking for something?” Seohyun breaks the silence. “Or perhaps, someone?”

It was only then that Jennie realized that she was staring at the door. She turns to Seohyun, biting her lips—which the doctor replies with a smile.

“Mark is not coming.” She says as if reading Jennie’s mind.

“When will he come back?” Jennie dared to ask.

Seohyun takes a sip of her coffee. “I don’t know but I’m pretty sure it’s going to take a while now that his internship is over.”

Jennie only nods, not entirely sure how to react.

“I think this is okay.” Seohyun says reaching for the coffee and filling Jennie’s glass.

“Thanks.” Jennie says taking the glass after Seohyun has filled it.

“No worries.” Seohyun replied.

Jennie takes a sip of the coffee. Her mind wandering to a lot of things—her dreams, Mark, the questions she always wanted to ask, Jaebum—everything is once again rushing to her mind all at once.

“You know, Jennie, you can tell me anything.” Seohyun mumbles, making its way to Jennie’s troubled thoughts.

“I know, I’m a doctor,” Seohyun continues with a playful eyeroll. “But if it’s hard for you to open up to a doctor, remember that I was your friend before I am your therapist.”

Jennie couldn’t help but look surprised, puzzled with the new information.

“Well, we weren’t that close.” Seohyun admitted with a shy giggle. “But we met a couple of times. I’m Jinyoung’s cousin and Jaebum’s friend at university—I was even at your _very_ intimate wedding.”

Jennie still looks even more confused.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, think of it as chatting with an old friend.” Seohyun concludes with a smile, taking another sip of her coffee.

Jennie takes a long sip of her lukewarm coffee; the ice has melted already and failed to make it cold. She thinks about it. All the thoughts, dreams and memories that have been bothering her since she woke up. how nothing happening right now makes sense to her and how there’s no rational theory to explain everything that she’s going through right now.

“I…”

_I am not who you think I am_ was what Jennie wanted to say but she knows no one will believe that; especially not a therapist when even she has trouble grasping that idea.

“I’ve been having dreams.” Was what she ended up saying.

“What kind of dreams?” Seohyun asks. “Are they the good, sweet dreams? Or are they bad?”

“Nightmares.” Jennie replied, looking at Seohyun as if she’s daring her. “Sometimes, I dream that I’m drowning, sometimes there are flames but mostly, I’m just in a middle of a shore and nothing.”

“There are memories flashing in my head.” She continues. “Some event that I’m not really sure happened but it felt so real, and there are people I see, people I should not know.”

“Like Mark?” Seohyun asked.

_Like Jaebum_ was what Jennie wanted to say but she just let the question hanging.

“People and events that bring me frustrations.”

Jennie’s voice starts to crack.

“And pain.”

Her breathing got heavier.

“Regret.”

Tears fall down from her eyes.

“Nothing but sadness.”

“That’s enough for now. Don’t push yourself too hard.” It was only when Jennie felt a hand on her arm that she realized she’s been crying—sobbing—uncontrollably. Her hands are shaking and she’s panting.

Seohyun puts down her cup and reaches for both of Jennie’s hands.

“Those are just dreams.” She assured. “It’s okay. Take deep breaths.”

 

 

It was a blur how Jennie was able to calm down, but she’s certain it involves switching from iced coffee to warm tea and a couple of fresh cookies. By the time she has fully calmed down, Jennie is certain she went over the regular one-hour appointment but Seohyun didn’t feel like in a rush. In fact, she was insisting for Jennie to stay a little bit more but Jennie declined, remembering that Jaebum is still outside waiting for her. Also, she’s not entirely sure if telling Seohyun about her dreams was good for her.

“You don’t have to force yourself figuring out the dreams.” Seohyun says as she ushers Jennie to the door. “For now, I suggest you to go out more. Meet some friends. It can distract you from the dreams while there can also be a chance to regain something.”

Jennie nods, stepping out of the room.

“And I’m sure Jaebum will always take care of you anyway.” Seohyun concluded, shutting the door behind them.

As if on cue, Jennie laid eyes on Jaebum who’s sitting in the waiting area. He’s still on the same spot where they left him earlier but this time, there are a couple of female nurses and doctors around him.

“Done?” Jaebum stands as soon as he saw Jennie walking. As if forgetting about the people he was talking to, he walks straight to Jennie’s direction.

“How was it?” he asked Jennie, gently taking her arm, before turning to Seohyun.

“I think she should do something.” She replied, avoiding to answer the question directly. “You know, something to entertain her. A hobby, perhaps. It’ll help her a lot.”

Jaebum and Seohyun continued talking but Jennie refuses to listen, not really wanting to think about her ‘healing’ right now. Instead, she unwillingly diverted her attention to the group of women behind them, those that Jaebum was talking to a while ago. They are looking at them, at _him_ to be exact, and it’s as if they are still waiting for Jaebum to come back and talk to them. She then takes her arm from Jaebum, only to grab his arm instead—all acting from her instinct.

Jaebum turned to Jennie, surprised by his wife’s sudden action. She didn’t say a word, though, leaving him puzzled still.

He turned back to Seohyun and they said goodbye to the doctor, before they went out of the building and straight to the parking space.

“Is everything okay?” he asked when they reached the car, realizing that Jennie has no intention of letting his arm go.

“Huh?” Jennie mumbles, clueless.

“I can’t drive if you’re holding me like this.” He replied.

“Oh.” Jennie immediately lets go of his arm, embarrassed, before dashing to the passenger seat’s door and attempts to open it.

Jaebum watches her as she panics before she finally unlocks the door, smiling to himself.

Jennie rushes inside the vehicle, wanting to sink herself in the seat from embarrassment. Jaebum enters shortly after her. He turns to her, wanting to ask her what was that but she was already busy putting on her seatbelt and turned to window as soon as she’s done.

Jaebum shakes his head, equally confused and amused at how Jennie is acting.

“You’re so cute.” He mumbles, earning him a sharp glare from Jennie.

He pursed his lips, trying hard to suppress a smile—which he failed at because he ends up breaking into a wide grin in just a second. He just turns to the road and starts driving to avoid getting another glare from his wife.

Silence filled their trip. Jaebum switches the stereo on, some pop song is in the middle of playing when he did. A couple of other songs play on the air as Jaebum keeps on glancing at Jennie through the rearview mirror, she seems to have gradually calmed down, thanks to the songs filling the car. Jaebum is still unaware of what’s going on but he didn’t bother asking. He’s kind of enjoying this grumpy Jennie, realizing just now how much he missed even her grumpiness.

Jaebum is tapping his fingers on the wheel as _Someday We’ll Know_ plays on the radio, a song that Jennie loves and loves even more to sing in the car. Jaebum wasn’t expecting her to sing, not when she doesn’t even remember her own husband. So, when she started humming softly and the humming turns into actual singing, Jaebum couldn’t help but sing along excitedly.

The song finishes, leaving both of them in an ecstatic laughter.

“You really are Jennie.” Jaebum mumbles as their laughter dies down.

Jennie’s eyes widen. What was that supposed to mean? All this time, did he actually think there is something wrong with her? Was Jaebum really noticing the difference all this time? Questions once again flood Jennie’s mind but as soon as she glanced at Jaebum and found his soft smile and endearing eyes, she knew that she shouldn’t let some things bother her too much. Some things, even if it is as simple as Jaebum’s smile, are meant to be appreciated as it is.

“Oh, by the way,” Jaebum mumbles, reminding Jennie that she has been staring for too long.

Jennie immediately turns away; she’s lucky Jaebum was lost in his own amusement that he didn’t notice her staring.

“I can’t be with you for dinner tonight.” He turns to her quickly before turning back to the road. “I need to go to the foundation to do some stuff. But we’ll get you some dinner first. What do you want for dinner?”

“Can I come with you?” Jennie asked, surprising herself with the question too.

“At the foundation?” Jaebum took double glances at her in disbelief.

Jennie nods.

Jaebum thinks about it. He wasn’t entirely on board with the idea of exposing her to the rest of the crew yet. They’re loud and, most of the time, too much to handle. He thinks their presence will be too much for her, especially when everyone will be there—just like tonight.

He glances at Jennie through the rearview mirror, her expectant eye looking at him, then he sighs.

“The team will be happy to see you.”

 

 

The trip to the foundation was short but for Jennie, it felt longer than it actually is. She looked outside the window most of the time, looking at the buildings and skyscrapers in the city pass by. Different from the first time she rode this exact same vehicle from the first time she was discharged from the hospital—that trip was like going through a tunnel; she felt lost, dark, uneasy, scared—this particular trip feels a little bit lighter. There is still an uneasy feeling creeping in but it wasn’t scary or frustrating. In contrast, she feels excited to the idea of meeting people, with a few streaks of nervousness here and there.

“Where are we?” Jennie asked as Jaebum enters what seems like a small neighborhood filled with bungalows and bigger houses. “Aren’t we going to _work_?”

Jaebum smiled, taking a turn. “We are.”

Soon enough, Jaebum pulls over in front of a big house with a much bigger garden.

“We’re here.” Jaebum said as he opens Jennie’s door.

“This is a house.” Jennie said, stepping out of the vehicle.

Jaebum bites his lip, forgetting about the fact that the foundation is located in a not so conventional establishment for an office.

“Yeah, this is technically _our_ house.” Jaebum starts explaining. “Bought it after we got married but we needed a place for the foundation so we used this then.”

Jennie took a while processing it but eventually nods.

“Let’s go.” Jaebum says turning to the door and leading the way.

Jennie follows a step behind, looking around in awe. She can’t help but think how beautiful the place is. It wasn’t too extravagant or over the top; it is actually simple—plain walls and clean glass wall, along with the refreshing area by the garden, the whole house feels warm and comforting.

Her heart beats faster with every step she takes, the nervousness is somehow winning in her now.

Jaebum turned to her, checking on her, and he didn’t hesitate to take her hand. Their fingers interlaced in no time, like they belong to each other and there it was again—the sense of comfort gushing over Jennie all over again. She looks at him as he gently pulls her in, for once, she was actually glad to be here right now.

Every step ahead is like turning a page of a book. Jennie studies the house, taking glances of each corner from a far. It doesn’t feel like an office, _at all_. The ornaments and furniture are what you can see in any regular room; there are plants and flowers around making it more like a house than an office—there is even a couch on the right that looks like a living room.

There are so many little, trivial things around that spike her curiosity; everything tells a little story of its own. But what caught her attention the most is the photo hanging on a white wall. It’s a photo of her and the others—their family, as what Jisoo said. Jennie stops her tracks to stare at the photo, Jaebum gladly gave her the time to do so.

A candid photo, it shows everyone all smiles and joy. She can’t tell if it’s because Jisoo had somehow introduced them to her or there is really something sparking inside of her, but looking at them gives her a sense of familiarity. In the center of the group, Jennie stands. She was turning to her right where Jaebum was standing. She was smiling so hard, her eyes shut and her gums showing, that she’s holding onto Jaebum’s shoulder for support. He has his arms around her waist as if keeping her in position, as he looks at her with a soft smile.

“I do have a pretty smile.” Jennie unknowingly mumbles.

“You have the prettiest one.” Jaebum said, almost making Jennie flush but a roaring voice from further inside the house takes their attention away.

“You can’t do this to me!” A man’s voice emerges.

“Just accept your fate, man.” A woman replied.

They heard another man’s chuckle. “It’s your idea to do this.”

“Exactly.” Another man added. “What happened to playing fair?”

“But I can’t do this alone!” the first man insisted. “There are seven dogs. _Seven_!”

Jennie and Jaebum then arrives at the foundation’s front desk where a lady and three men, one of them mercilessly holding four dogs in leashes in both his hands.

“Come on, Youngjae,” one of the guys, the tall one with soft looking hair and features, says as he rests his arm on the shoulder of the guy holding the leashes. “Don’t you love dogs?”

The one dog-guy makes a face. “I do but how do you expect me to walk all of them at once? You guys are so unfair.”

The guy pouts, seeing him pouting gives Jennie the urge to fight for him against these bullies.

“Yeah, you guys are mean.” The lady said, laughing.

The two other guys laughed as the dog guy whines.

By the time that Jennie and Jaebum are a few steps away from the front desk where they are huddled, one of the dogs in the leash found Jaebum and started barking at him like a greeting. Before the guy holding it—Youngjae—could make sense of it, the dog has already escaped and ran towards Jaebum.

“Oh, hi there, little Pepper.” Jaebum greets, leaning down to take the dog in his arms.

“Pepp—” Youngjae turns to their direction in panic, worrying about the dog but the panic turns into a mix of surprise and excitement when he locked eyes with Jennie. “Jennie!”

“Jennie?”

“Jennie!”

“Oh my gosh, Jennie!”

The others turn their heads, almost too animatedly, at the sound of her name.

Jennie wasn’t expecting the sudden reaction, much so to find these people running towards her and locking her in big group hug.

“Jennie, we missed you so much!” the lady said. She was the first to get to Jennie, hugged her close and buried her face on her neck. Jennie tries her best to remember who the girl is, she’s sure she saw her in the photos Jisoo brought but she can’t think of her name. _Lala_? _Lia_? _Lira_?

“What’s up, man?” one of the guys asked all too-coolly that it sounds awkward to Jennie—the warm kind of awkward. He stands on her other side as Jennie recalls his name but all that registers in her head is _lanky photographer_.

“How are you, Jennie? Feeling any better?” the tallest guy asked, towering over the two girls and pulling them in a big bear hug. “We missed you so much here, Boss.”

“Jennie!” Youngjae cries, running to the group and pushing the leashes to Jaebum.

“Hey, what—hey!” Jaebum takes the leashes with no grace at all, almost falling in the process of taking control of _all_ the pets. He tried to protest but Youngjae has already slammed himself into the group hug.

“Glad you’re here!” Youngjae cries.

Jaebum watches them after regaining his balance and composure. He found himself in a dilemma between breaking the hug to save the obviously overwhelmed Jennie; or to let them have the moment they all have been waiting for.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Jaebum mumbles but none of them paid attention except Jennie who’s looking at him apologetically.

“Come on, someone help me with these dogs.” Jaebum added but still received no response.

“Hey!”

It was only then that they turned to him, all with surprise before all breaking into laughter. Jaebum looks ridiculous holding leashes and surrounded by energetic dogs while in his dress shirt and pants.

“Sorry.” Youngjae chuckles, being the first one to leave the group hug and walk to Jaebum to help him with the dogs.

“Thank you.” Jaebum sighed before turning to the group and pulling Jennie away softly.

“And slow down a bit, you might scare her.” he says.

They exchanged looks as if trying to understand what Jaebum meant until the girl turned to Jennie with a wide smile, her doe-eyes sparking like Disney’s Rapunzel.

“Hi, I’m Lisa.” Lisa greeted letting her hand out.

Jaebum shakes his head while the other guys were first lost in a puzzle until they finally pieced everything together.

Jennie turns around, then to Jaebum as if to ask permission, before she turned to Lisa and takes the handshake.

Lisa pulls her into another hug though.

“We actually prefer hugs.” She whispered then squeezed Jennie by her shoulders before letting her go.

“Youngjae here with the dogs!” Youngjae cried while tying the leashes behind them for the meantime.

“I’m Yugyeom!” the tallest guy said cheerfully. “And this one is—”

“Bambam!” Jennie cries, suddenly remembering his name.

Bambam turned to her with eyes wide in surprise, turns around to his friends to check if he heard it right and when they look as surprised as him, he made arrogant sounds.

“She remembers me!” he rejoiced. “Of course, Jennie will remember her most favorite friend!”

“That’s impossible.” Yugyeom pouted.

“ _Most favorite friend_ doesn’t even exist.” Lisa rolls her eyes.

“You remember him?” Jaebum whispered to Jennie, surprised and puzzled and a little bit offended.

“I, no, I…” Jennie stutters. “I just remember from Jisoo. She showed some pictures to me.”

Jaebum melts into a smile, letting out a sigh of relief while the rest laugh.

“What? No, admit it! You remember me, don’t you? You do!” Bambam insisted, walking closer to Jennie.

Yugyeom grabbed him by the neck and pulled him close. “Just shut your mouth dummy.”

“Hey, hey, hey, having fun without us?” a new voice emerges from inside the house. “Wait up, is that—Jennie!”

Before Jennie could even recognize his face, the man is already lifting her.

“Put her down, kid.” Jisoo who was walking with Jackson, Jennie was just realizing, slaps him on his shoulder.

“Dude, you’re scaring her.” A familiar voice emerges beside Jisoo. “Hi, Jennie! Long time no see.” The guy winks and Jennie realizes it was the doctor from the hospital, Jinyoung.

“Put her down, Jackson.” Jaebum says, his voice calm but authoritative.

“I’m just giving our lady boss a warm welcome!” Jackson explains with a pout as he puts Jennie down. “Sorry.” He whispered and Jennie can only nod uneasily, still a little bit surprised.

“Sorry,” Jisoo walks to Jennie and quickly slips her arm on to her best friend’s as she whispers, “I told you he’s really weird and extra like that.”

Jisoo, as usual, makes Jennie laugh and feel like nothing is weird; that everything is happening the way it should be.

“Finally bringing her out, huh?” Jinyoung mumbles to Jaebum, standing beside him.

“It’s her idea.” Jaebum said with a hint of pride.

“Really? She remembers the foundation?” Jinyoung asked.

“I don’t think she does exactly but I think she’s starting to try.” Jaebum admitted. “And well, Jisoo told her stuff about the foundation.”

Jinyoung smiled. “She’s really amazing.”

Jaebum smiled too. “Yes, she is.”

Jennie doesn’t know how to feel—or rather, she doesn’t know how to explain what she’s feeling. There is some sense of uneasiness; these people are strangers after all. But underneath that, she finds a weird sense of familiarity with finally knowing these people without _actually_ knowing them. She has seen them in photos, in still candid moments, and seeing them alive and living those moments is equally foreign and warm.

“What are you all doing out here?” Jackson’s roaring voice gets everyone’s attention. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Yeah, says the one who skipped the weekly meeting.” Yugyeom said in a sing-song voice.

“You missed the meeting again?” Jaebum nags.

“I told you I was going to be late!” Jackson said.

Jackson went on with his handful of excuses on why he missed the meeting again, failing to convince Jaebum with a worthy reason. Everyone is just watching for their own entertainment until the dogs’ barks get louder, asking for their attention.

“Who let the fucking dogs out?” Jinyoung asked, half-intending to quote the song, earning a roaring laughter from Yugyeom and Bambam.

“Hey, hey, you childish kids, aren’t you supposed to walk them?” Jisoo told them, taking a glance on her watch. “Did you do that? Why are you back so early?”

Yugyeom and Bambam pursed their lips while Youngjae let out a heavy sigh.

“What? You haven’t, have you?” Jisoo crosses her arms on her chest. “I told you to do it early! Now it’s getting dark and you know we can’t walk them in Han River at night because people start hanging out there to drink!”

“We were gonna do that but Youngjae lost in rock-paper-scissors—“

“Again.” Bambam interrupts Yugyeom explaining.

“Again.” Yugyeom chuckles. “So _he_ is going to take the dogs out for a walk.”

“I told you, it’s impossible for me to do it alone!” Youngjae protested.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jaebum asked.

Lisa sighed. “They were going to walk the dogs out but decided to play rock-paper-scissors _again_ and—“

“Whoever loses will walk seven dogs alone?” Jinyoung asked with a sigh, to which Lisa nods.

“What-were-you thinking?” Jinyoung asked, giving each of the three guys a flick on the forehead with every pause. “Are you kids?”

“But it was his idea!”

“Losers must be fair!”

Yugyeom and Bambam said.

“You guys are unfair!” Youngjae argued.

The three guys went on to argue as Jisoo and Jinyoung nag them for being childish and irresponsible—creating much fuss and noise. The others can’t help but to just watch.

“Why don’t we just all walk them?”

Jennie’s soft and unsure voice suddenly emerges from the noise. Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae immediately stop arguing, with Youngjae turning at Jennie with sparkling eyes; Jisoo and Jinyoung does the same but with confused looks; Lisa and Jackson seems to like the idea already; while Jaebum looks at her with a mix of disbelief and awe.

“I-I mean, it’s going to save a lot of time arguing.” Jennie stutters, suddenly embarrassed with the sudden attention and wondering if the idea is stupid. “But only if you want to.”

“No! That’s good!”

“That’s a great idea!”

“We should do that.”

Noise filled the room with everyone speaking over each other. Youngjae is rejoicing, Yugyeom and Bambam half whining-half excited, Jackson making random noises, Jisoo and Jinyoung trying to shut them up—it’s hard to make sense what everyone is saying but it’s pretty evident that they are just happy to get an order from Jennie.

Watching them, no matter how chaotic they look and sound right now, Jennie can’t feel but break into a smile.

“This is home.” Jennie mumbles, just to herself but it is loud enough for Jaebum to hear.

Jaebum turned to her, as usual, Jennie’s smile is enough to ease all his worries away.

“This is our home.”

 

 

The sun is already setting when the group arrived at the Han River.

Jinyoung and Jackson leads the pack, walking to the direction of their usual spot. Jennie is sandwiched between Jisoo and Lisa, walking together arm-in-arm. Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom take charge of holding the dog’s leashes, with two dogs each, Jisoo made sure to punish Bambam and Yugyeom for the rock-paper-scissors shenanigans they did. Pepper, the first dog to approach Jaebum earlier, is up on his arms as he walks on the end of the trail. The little pup never left him since they got to the river.

They eventually stopped in a spot a bit further down the park, away from the highway and with a great view of the river and the sky. Jackson took the dog from Jaebum and joined the dog walkers while the rest of them sat in the grass, not caring about its dampness at all.

The wind is softly blowing and the sky is beautifully painted with dashes of pinks and oranges. It’s been a while since Jennie last saw the sunset; she almost forgot about how serene it is.

Waking up forgetting almost everything and just remembering nothing but pain, she has always felt deprived of the beauty in the simplicity of life. She felt like she lost everything. But now, she’s here with this newfound family—it still feels a little bit odd saying that—who gives her warmth that she has never felt before. She watches them—all lost in their own little worlds but still somehow belong to each other. She closes her eyes, letting the cool breeze envelope her as she wonders, does she really belong here?

“It’s been a while since they’ve been this excited.” Jaebum mumbles. Jennie almost forgot he is sitting beside her.

“Huh?” Jennie mumbles.

“Them.” Jaebum replied. “They’re naturally loud and fun but ever since the accident, they became quite gloomy.”

Jennie didn’t know how to feel. It was as if she’s responsible for them being sad.

“But look at them now. They’re happy because you’re back.”

Jennie turned to him. He’s leaning back on his palms with his legs stretched out, watching his friends with admiration.

“Why?” she asked.

It took him a second before reacting, then he furrows his eyebrows.

“What do you mean _why_?” he asked back, turning to Jennie. “They missed you.”

They locked eyes for a moment. Jaebum is staring at her with earnest eyes while Jennie can only return it with a blank stare.

“Jennie, I’m hungry.” Lisa coos, suddenly appearing beside Jennie.

“Huh?” Was all that Jennie could say.

“I’m hungry. Let’s buy food.” Lisa said.

“Yeah, buy us food, Mother Jennie.” Jackson added from behind Jennie, resting his chin on her head.

“Food! Food! Food!” Yugyeom chants, running towards the group. They have tied the dogs in the nearby post for the meantime.

Jennie looks at them wide-eyed, obviously overwhelmed.

“Enough with that.” Jaebum sighs, getting up from the grass. “I’ll buy food instead.”

“Yes! As expected from our dad!” Jackson cheers. “Some ice cream is enough for me.”

“I want some triangle kimbap!” Yugyeom said.

“Homerun balls!” Jisoo and Jinyoung said at the same time.

“Hotdog for me! Two of them!” Bambam said, slumping himself on the grass, just beside Lisa.

“Me too!” Lisa raises her hand.

“Triangle kimbap for me too.” Youngjae said.

“Hey, no one’s coming with me?” Jaebum nags.

They all turned away, avoiding Jaebum’s gaze and getting dragged to the convenience store.

“Whoa,” Jaebum breathes. “You guys are really something. You’re gonna pay for—”

“I’ll come with you!” Jennie raises her hand, interrupting Jaebum.

“Huh?” Jaebum mumbles.

“I’ll come with you.” Jennie says, standing.

“Yeah, of course.” Jaebum said.

Jaebum watches her as she walks to him, earning some teasing looks from his friends.

“Where’s the store again?” Jennie asked, walking past Jaebum.

“Uh, it’s a few yards to the left.” Jaebum replied, keeping up with her steps.

“ _Ohhhh_ reliving their first date again!” Jackson screamed on their backs, which they both ignored.

They walk in silence. Jaebum leads the way while Jennie follows in silence. For some reasons, Jaebum feels nervous like they are back on their first date.

“What is he talking about?” Jennie asked, breaking the silence. “Jackson, I mean.”

“Oh, that.” Jaebum blushed. “It’s nothing. We just used to go here a lot before.”

“You bring your dates in the Han River?” Jennie accused.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jaebum turned to her. “ _We_ go on dates in Han River.” He said a matter-of-fact-ly.

Jennie looked at him in disbelief, making him chuckle.

“It was your idea. You always insisted on coming here.” He explains. “I know it seems lame but this place holds quite a memory for us.”

Jaebum felt a hole in his stomach, the idea of Jennie forgetting a big part of them still hurts him to the core, but he chooses to be understanding. Always.

“This is where we first met.”

Jennie wanted to ask more; maybe tease him some more about the mainstream choice of dating places but she saw the look in his eyes and the softness in his voice, telling her that this place indeed holds a big memory to him—to _them_. She pursed her lips, letting him ponder in their memories.

“Tell me about it.” Jennie dared.

“About what?” Jaebum asked, stopping his tracks.

“When we first met.” Jennie replied.

Jaebum just stared at her, not knowing what to say.

“You said it was important. Maybe I should know about it, right?”

Jaebum thinks about it for a while until he eventually gives in to the idea.

“It wasn’t the best first meeting.” Jaebum admitted, turning ahead, embarrassed to tell the story. “We were young and stressed. _Very_ young and _very_ stressed.”

Jaebum let out a slight chuckle. He continues with the story as Jennie diligently listens behind him, both of them taking tiny steps towards the store.

“I was cooling off after a long day at the university.” He continues. “And you weren’t having the best day either. You were ranting, crying, over a lot of things and me, well, being the young and impatient me, walked up to you and tried to scold you.”

Jennie tries to picture his story. Two people by the Han River, not caring about each other at first but eventually getting into each other’s nerve in the end—she tries so hard to picture the scene in her head. But just like how her memories continue to betray and attack her, she sees different images flashing. There was a box of pizza, cans of beers, a car, some weird philosophical quote replaying in her head—very clear images that don’t make sense to Jaebum’s story.

“Then we went by the railing, you know where we face the sky and the river,” Jaebum continues, opening the glass door of the convenience store. “And I told you to shout your frustrations away.”

Jaebum steps inside the store, holding the door for Jennie. She was about to follow him in when she saw a reflection in the glass door that made everything worse. She sees a man by the railing, a couple of yards behind them.

She turned around, walking towards the man.

“Jennie, wait, where are you going?” Jaebum has no choice but to follow.

It doesn’t make sense. Jennie shouldn’t know the person; she shouldn’t even make a clear view of him from a blurry reflection from a dirty glass door but she just knows it’s him. That’s when the images in her head make sense—no, it is still confusing, she has more questions—but seeing this man, she _just_ knows, he belongs to these memories.

“Mark,” she mumbles under her breath, stopping a step away from the man.

The man turns around, his face painted with utter disbelief.

The images came flashing. One by one; more vivid and more painful than ever. It was as if she was brought back to that moment, to that day.

The images flash nonstop, over and over again, like it’s being thrown at her; hitting her and sucking all her energy. She felt her knees go weak and her throat feels dry. Before she knew it, she’s on her knees. If not for the young man who caught her just in time, she would’ve slumped on the pavement already.

“Jennie!” Jaebum cried, grabbing her arm.

She pants, catching her breath heavily. The images in her head turn into an image of a girl in a uniform; there’s Mark in a courtroom; there was a painting room; there’s the Han River with the sky dark and gloomy; there was a fire and there was a storm.

She shuts her eyes and saw a pair of eyes looking at her, as if crying for help. Her face is a blur, but she’s sure she is in great pain.

And just before the image of the woman she sees becomes clear for her, just before she hears the name that she longed to know, her whole world fades to black once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **sharkeu's notes:**
> 
> Don’t we all love a good relationship buildup just to end in pain? 😌 hahaha! This is becoming our habit now but we have no regrets lmao yes, yes, things are getting even wilder now so hold onto your seats! 😉 Let us know what you think about this chapter and if you have some more mind blogging theories! Hehe
> 
> PS. Sorry if the updates are taking so long to be posted :< We are doing our best to give you worthwhile chapters. Thank you so much for your patience ❤
> 
>  
> 
> **secondofmay's notes:**
> 
> ms. shaina basically said everything already so all i could say now is, enjoy~ HAHAHAH! and also support our queens who just made a comeback and STREAM KILL THIS LOVE!!!
> 
> as usual, we would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter <3 feel free to comment them down or flood our cc's!


	7. Interior

_Prejudice—a very strong influence that can change an individual’s behavior and ways of interacting with others. An attitude that is unsubstantiated, negative, the tendency for discrimination to happen._

By this time, Mark cannot tell anymore if he’s still in his Psychology clas _s_ or went back in time. For one, the whole class is eerie quiet and, second, his professor sounds _and_ looks like he’s from some textbook. He stares at the old man—who looks like Einstein if he’s of Asian descent—as if he’s listening to his professor but in reality, he’s just as disinterested as everyone in the room.

At first glance, it would look as if he’s listening intently to how his professor discusses Cognitive Psychology with so much passion when he’s actually wondering how he can maintain that massive hair.

_Is it always windy wherever he goes?_

_Was he born with that much hair?_

_Does he use gel? Or wax?_

_How_ much _does he use daily for that hair?_

“Why are we even discussing this? Prejudice is prejudice.” Mark’s seatmate whines. “Everyone does it. Even doctors.”

He turned to her, was about to tell her that she’s missing the whole point of the topic, but Mark saw how she never even have books on her desk and she’s holding her phone, scrolling on Instagram—she’s clearly not even interested in the class—so, he just shrugged.

Mark then turned back to his desk, his journal opens wide on top, the girl next to him is still blabbering, as expected, she’s engaging him in this small talk that he doesn’t want to be part of. So, instead, he picks up his pen and flips on the leaves of his notebook; looking for a decent page to scribble. Then, he lands on a page where a rough sketch of his frequent Overwatch hero, Mercy, is drawn. He runs his fingers against the rough sketch, knowing well by heart who drew the sketch.

“The world is hopeless.” His seatmate sighs.

He doesn’t remember how she ended up with that but since then, the words replay on his head like a broken vinyl. The words bring him back to that afternoon when he’s stuck on a courtroom with his best friend.

“I told you not to bother me in class.” He mumbles staring at the sketch with a smile creeping up his face.

He looks at the sketch for a little while before closing his notebook. He looks at his watch, telling him it’s two minutes before four, then he starts fixing his things. He stands up even before the professor could conclude the class. Mark nonchalantly walks to the door—other students has started fixing their things too—and by the time he reached the door, the bell is already ringing; signaling the end of the afternoon period.

Mark stopped by the library before returning to his dorm to return an overdue book that he has borrowed over a month before. It was _Rhetoric_ —one of the dozen books he has read that is written by Aristotle. He went straight to shelves before returning the book to the desk; purely out of habit.

He earns a few turns, looks and whispers whenever he’s at the library. Somehow, people can’t seem to accept the idea that he’s someone who visits the library often. What is it about him that seems so out of place in the midst of books?

 _It’s because you look more like a model than a nerd_. She would always say.

He smirks to himself, like fool. Truth be told, he doesn’t really seem to be the bookworm type. He’s someone who prefers rap music over any other type of music; his closet is filled with clothes that is way too big for him; and he’d rather play Overwatch or any other computer games than sit for a two-hour film. But he can slip in reading a couple of pages of philosophy in between.

He wasn’t really into reading until he was in high school. He saw this Natgeo show about the human mind, which was really boring for a fourteen year-old, but fascinated him so much that he went to his father’s study that same night to look and read more philosophy books. It went downhill from there, he never stopped exploring the limitless possibilities of the human mind. 

He walks further in between the shelves, scanning the books until his eyes landed on a familiar book. He didn’t think twice and grabbed the book before walking to the desk to check out.

He returned _Rhetoric_ first, paying the due he’s required to pay, then checks out the other book, _Beyond Good and Evil_ by Nietzsche.

“You’ve already borrowed this.” The library assistant behind the counter told him after she scanned the book.

“I have?” Mark asked, clueless.

“Yes. Twice already.” The student replied.

“Oh.” Was all that Mark could mumble.

 _You are such a nerd_. He could hear her tease him.

“Books are meant to be read and reread again, dummy.” Mark whispers with a smile as if to answer the voice in his head.

“Excuse me?” the student asked, hearing his whisper.

“Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you.” Mark explained—uselessly, because who else is he talking to?

The girl just stared at him, offended and he could only smile.

“Sorry.” He mumbles. “I’ll still check it out.”

 

 

“Going out?” Kihyun asked Mark when he got home to his roommate on the porch, getting his shoes.

Mark didn’t answer, something that Kihyun is used to. Mark is never really one to talk much, specially getting into small talks, Kihyun never stopped trying though.

They’ve been roommates for almost three years now and they haven’t really gotten into any real conversation except for the usual _are you going home tonight? What time are you using the bathroom? Is this milk yours?_ The only time Kihyun hears a lot from Mark is when he’s playing Overwatch in which talking a lot means a bunch of curses and hisses.

“Strange as usual.” Kihyun mumbles, just like how he always sees his roommate—always different; out of the ordinary.

Mark pretended that he didn’t hear anything, even though he heard loud and clear, he didn’t bother. It never bothered Mark when people think he’s weird, he never really wanted to impress anyone, anyway.

He left the dorm, exiting through the back gates where his bike is parked. He always preferred his bike over his car. Cars are too suffocating for him as oppose to the bicycle that seems more refreshing. So, he pedaled away, breathing in the polluted city air.

He knows every corner of the neighborhood. Having lived here for almost four years now, the neighborhood grew on him even though he never really like the place at first. He always thought it was a bit lame. It was quite near the city but the town felt like it was in the countryside. It was pretty much out of his league but the internet connection in the area is really great, making gaming a lot more convenient for him—the only reason he chose the dormitory in this area.

It was never in his plans, but one day, he found himself more at home in this place than he ever did in his own house. He realized that the people around are warm and welcoming, it has a good community and pretty much lowkey—exactly what he wanted. Before he knew it, biking around has become part of his routine, greeting and smiling at familiar face; stopping by to get snacks from the neighborhood food stall that knows his order by the sound of his steps.

This small neighborhood was just on its way to make a mark in his heart until everything around reminds him of her and he’s thrown in a dilemma between nostalgia and pain.

Of course, she has always been with him exploring this little neighborhood. She was the first to greet those familiar faces, smile at everyone—even strangers, she’s the one who made sure that the old lady owning the snack stand remembers their usual set orders. Now, more so when she’s not around, he sees her everywhere. Something that used to annoy him so much is what he misses the most.

Mark steps on the ground, stopping his pedaling, when he saw something that neither of them has seen before. It was a new flower stall, standing at the corner of the street. He walks to the stall, dragging his bike with him.

 _She would love this_. He thought to himself, looking at the bunch of colorful flowers.

“May I help you?” the lady in the shop asked.

Mark didn’t answer though and continues looking around. Eventually, he found what he was looking for—daisies—her favorite.

He took a bunch of them, almost knocking down the metal bucket where it is, but the lady was quick to help him.

“Let me help you.” The lady offered, taking the bunch of daisies from Mark. “Do you want anything else?”

Mark shakes his head. “No. Just that.”

The lady nods. She walks to her counter, Mark following behind her.

She arranges the flower in a wrapping paper; the mustard-colored paper complementing the white and yellow daisies. She finishes in no time, the arrangement isn’t so complicated after all, tying a craft rope around it.

“Here you go.” She hands them to Mark, who takes it with no hesitation, replacing with a couple of bills for payment.

The lady simply smiled, admiring Mark’s excitement.

“Is it for your girlfriend?” she asked.

Mark scoffed. “Are men only supposed to buy flowers if it’s for their girlfriend?”

The lady was taken off guard, taking full offense of Mark’s statement.

“It’s for my side chick.” He said, turning his back and walking straight to to where he parked his bike.

He rides his bicycle, one hand on the bike, the other is holding the bouquet, careful not to mess it up. It was one of those moments when he thinks that _maybe_ a Japanese bike with a basket on it isn’t too bad.

He starts his trip again, reaching his destination shortly after. If there’s probably one place that will always and doubt remind him of her, it’s this—the Han River.

He parks his bicycle on the designated area then walks to their favorite spot, slowly. He sits on the grass, putting the daisies beside him. He turned ahead, watching the calm river before him.

“Hi. I’m here again.” He mumbles shyly. “But hey, it looks like you’re the one missing me more. You’ve been visiting my mind a lot these days.”

“I bought you daisies.” He mumbles. “Don’t be too happy. It’s for the loot boxes you bought me.”

His chuckle filled the quiet air. It’s a hard pill to take in. Months have passed but Mark still finds himself in denial. He can’t accept the fact that she’s gone. _For good_.

“I… I don’t… nothing makes sense, Eunjung.” He breathes. “How do you expect me to believe you’re gone when you didn’t even say goodbye?”

He bites his lip. He sees her—the two of them right on this very spot. He remembers everything about her; from the first time they met until his last memory of her; and then her smile. The one thing he will never forget.

“I just know you’re still here, Eunjung.” He mumbles. “I know it doesn’t make sense. But you being gone is harder to accept.”

Mark stands up and walks further to the railings by the river, trying to let the river’s calmness get to him.

It doesn’t make sense. None of this does; but it has been happening a lot of times right now. Amidst thoughts of Eunjung, Mark always gets flashes of her—the woman he met at the clinic. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he hears her voice. She’s pleading.

 _Please tell me who I am_.

Those words ring in his head over and over, driving him crazy. He tried his best to shut it out, to get her away from his thoughts. But the more that he tries to do so, the louder it gets. Until, suddenly, it was Eunjung’s voice he’s hearing.

And it’s happening again right now.

_Tell me who I am._

Except, this time, it was Eunjung’s voice that he’s hearing.

_Tell me who I am._

The voice echoes, like it’s coming from a distant memory.

_Tell me who I am._

This time, it doesn’t sound like it’s pleading; rather, it’s a soft request.

Then, the voice doesn’t sound so distant anymore. He’s hearing the voice right here, right now. And it’s calling him.

“Mark.”

He turns around in disbelief, not believing what he’s hearing.

That’s when he saw her—the woman in the clinic. The woman that he can’t describe other than crazy. How else would he describe someone who insists that he knows her? How else can he explain the fact that this crazy woman hasn’t left his mind ever since? How else can he explain that he’s bumping into this woman _again_? How else can he explain that, as he stares back at her dark eyes right now, he sees more?

The lady, then, collapses. Mark was quick to catch her before the man behind her, her husband as Mark remembers, takes her arm and control over her. She pants, lets out a few mumbles that neither of them can understand, before completely passing out on her husband’s arm.

“Jennie!” the man cried in worry.

 _Jennie_. Mark remembers her name. It didn’t take long before he also remembers the man’s name; Jaebum. It’s a name tough to remember but not so easy to forget either.

“Wake up, love. Please.” Jaebum whispers, slightly tapping Jennie’s face.

Mark steps closer, out of instinct, to help the couple but Jaebum was quick to cut him off.

“I can take it from here.” Jaebum said.

Mark stops his tracks, stunned, feeling a weird sense of offense from the restriction and protectiveness over Jennie. He stands there watching them as Jaebum shifts Jennie, taking her whole body, on his arms—refusing any help from Mark.

Jaebum stands on his feet then turns his back on Mark without even saying a word. He walks straight to his car instead of coming back to their friends. The panic that he’s feeling is unbearable. Along with the indifference he still feels towards Mark, his emotions are sending him in overdrive right now.

People are staring at them as he walks to the car, some of them murmuring—but he’s too frustrated to care. It was a struggle to get Jennie inside the car—if not for a couple who was around to help him, he wouldn’t even be able to unlock his car by now—but that doesn’t make him regret turning down Mark’s offer to help. He can’t let a man who has brought nothing but harm get close to his wife.

He mutters a quick thank you to the couple before hurrying to the driver’s seat. He puts on Jennie’s seatbelt. He takes a good look at her, his heart crushing down at the sight of her; she looks so tired and pale. He curses under his breath, hating himself for letting this happen to her.

He gets back to his senses, pushing the thoughts away and putting Jennie’s safety first. He needs to get her home. He puts on his seatbelt before turning the engine on as he calls Jinyoung through his car.

“Hey, man, where are you?” Jinyoung answers. “Did you guys enjoyed your date too much and leave us—“

“We’re going home.” Jaebum cuts him off.

“Did something happen?” he asked, sensing the urgency in Jaebum’s voice.

“We need to go home.” Jaebum said.

Jinyoung is still clueless but it’s not like he can force Jaebum into telling him, especially not when he’s sounding this serious. “Okay. Take care.”

“See, this is why our team is losing! You’re always distracted.” Jisoo nags as she approaches Jinyoung. The gang is in the middle of some childish team game. “Get your head in the game!”

“Jaebum and Jennie left.” Jinyoung said dryly, turning around to face Jisoo—a little bit too close that she’s flushed.

“L-left?” Jisoo stutters, stepping back. “Didn’t they leave us to get in their own little convenience store date?”

“That’s what I thought.” Jinyoung replied. “But Jaebum just called me to tell they’re going home.”

Jisoo gets worried, clasping her hands together. “Why? What happened?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “He didn’t want to tell me. But it seems pretty serious.”

Jisoo bites her lips, fidgeting her fingers.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Jaebum got it.” Jinyoung assures, reaching for Jisoo’s shoulder.

“Hey! Are you two ditching us too to sneak into a date?” Yugyeom calls.

Jinyoung immediately takes his hand off of Jisoo and they both turned away like they’re electrified.

Jinyoung clears his throat.

“Just wait ‘til I kick your ass, dummy!” he screamed back at Yugyeom, which the younger lad only answered with a hearty laughter.

“Are we going to tell them?” Jisoo asked.

Jinyoung shakes his head. “That will only freak them out.”

“What do we do, then? I want to know what happened to Jennie.” Jisoo said. “But we can’t just leave too.”

Jinyoung thinks, crossing his arm on his chest.

“You do something.” He said.

“Something? What _something_?” Jisoo echoed.

“Anything.” Jinyoung replied, putting his hands on his pocket. “Throw some tantrum or something. That wouldn’t be too suspicious.”

“What do you mean?” Jisoo asked, offended. It’s now her turn to cross her arms on her chest.

“So we can all go home. Act like you’re annoyed or something. You know, you’re a real party pooper anyway.” Jinyoung shrugged. “Didn’t you notice? It always happens when we all go out.”

“Excuse me?” Jisoo’s eyes widens, her body tenses in annoyance.

“I’m just telling the truth. It happens every time—we’re all having fun but you notice something not _pretty_ or it’s too hot, too loud or something and you order everyone to go home.” Jinyoung continues to mumble.

By this time, the others have already noticed the heating argument. Lisa and Youngjae have already approached the two.

“Hey, guys, what is it again?” Lisa asked, starting to pacify the situation.

“I’m not like that!” Jisoo denied, her face red in annoyance.

“Yes, you are!” Jinyoung insisted. “It’s because you’re really a high maintenance friend. You’ve always been.”

“I’m not high maintenance!”

“Yes, you are. Ask them.” Jinyoung then turned to Lisa and Youngjae.

Lisa gives Jinyoung a look of disbelief while Youngjae didn’t even hesitate to nod.

“I mean, it’s a bit too much sometimes and—ow!”

Lisa slaps Youngjae, stopping him further annoying Jisoo.

“That hurt!” Youngjae cried, still oblivious until he found Jisoo staring at him sharply. He then drags Lisa over him as a human shield.

Jisoo stared at him for a long time before turning at Jinyoung as if she’s going to say something more but only comes up with a loud groan before turning her back and leaving her friends.

“What was that?” Jackson asked, appearing behind Jinyoung.

Jinyoung grins, watching Jisoo adorably walking away.

“Planned worked and proved my point.” He mumbles.

“What?” Jackson asked.

“Nothing.” Jinyoung replied, shaking his head, before walking away and following Jisoo. “Bye, guys! See you when I see you!” He turned around to wave his friends goodbye before speeding up his steps to keep up Jisoo’s tracks.

 

 

***

 

_I know what I want!_

Jennie found herself running in a middle of a wide grass field. She runs fast, screaming words over and over again.

_I just want to do what makes me happy!_

Tears fall down her cheeks. She stops, breathless. Her knees and feet are tired but it felt nothing to the exhaustion her heart is feeling. She cries to herself, reaching for what seems like a metal railing. She looks ahead of her; there was the calm sky and river looking out for her.

_Why is no one believing in me?_

She stares blankly ahead, trying to figure out how she ended up in this mess; how and why did she even deserve to be treated like this? Will she ever be happy again?

“I believe in her.”

Like the sun lighting up the dawn, she heard his voice emerging from this nothingness she’s trapped in.

She turns around looking for him, panic rises when she can’t find him anywhere only to see a young lad looking at her, his eyes glistening as he softly smiled at her.

“I always believe in you.” He mumbles, his voice sounding clearer and louder.

She slowly turned to her right and that’s where she found him again. He’s looking at her, smiling warmly, with a cake in hand. He looked a little bit older, still as handsome, but there is more maturity in his eyes.

Jennie could see his lips moving, he was saying something—must be some funny story because a smile slips in once in a while—but she can’t hear anything.

She tried to tell him she doesn’t understand but she can’t find her voice to speak; even her gestures couldn’t make its way to him.

“Make a wish.” She suddenly heard him say, giving her a sudden flush of confusion that was quickly washed away by comfort as soon as she heard his sweet voice.

Somehow, she found herself clasping her hands together and closing her eyes. She’s certain she made a wish but before she can even remember what it was, she blew the flame away. The smoke from the candle emerges, filling the air and separating her from him. She tries to fan the smoke away, looking for him but the smoke is only getting bigger and darker that it’s making her squint.

When she opens her eyes, she was staring at the dark ceiling, she’s back in her room. All the lights were turned off and it was dead quiet. She realizes it must be late and it was, again, a dream.

She was going to sit up on the bed when she felt her hand warm. She turned to her side and there he is—Jaebum sleeping sound beside her. She watches him intently, studying each feature of his face that she’s slowly memorizing by now, and it didn’t take long before her eyes land to her favorite part of his face—his moles that are oddly placed yet it’s as if it’s meant to be there, she realizes.

Examining the pair, it suddenly occurs to her what happened earlier. Their day at the park, everything feeling oddly harmonious and then she saw Mark. Images of the event flash by, forcing her to close her eyes. The images suddenly make no sense. She sees herself back in Han River and Jaebum was there too but not the Jaebum that she knows. He seems younger then he was older, more mature—the two Jaebums appear one over the other but his smile never changes.

She opens her eyes, immediately seeing Jaebum. She takes her free hand to him, reaching for his face.

Touching his face is like an image in her head coming to life. It’s weird to suddenly feel the features that she used to only study from a far and yet, each stroke of her fingers felt all-knowing; like it’s traveling the road home.

“Nothing changed.” She whispers.

She was reaching for the tip of his nose when he suddenly moves, waking up.

“Hey,” he softly whispered, his voice hazy from sleep, as he slowly melts into that smile. He then reaches for her hand that is on his face, making her warm.

His feelings for her never changed.

They look at each other for a long while. Jaebum is looking at her lovingly, his thumb running on the back of her hand, while Jennie memorizes each part of his face.

“You must be hungry.” He suddenly said. He took off her hand from his face, plants a soft kiss on it, before putting it down gently. “Let me make something quick.”

Jennie watches him stand and walk to the door excitedly. “I don’t deserve you.”

 

 

Soft and _wet_ kisses are what woke Jaebum up the next day.

“Jennie…” he softly coos, lips forming a wide smile even before he opened his eyes.

He felt weight on his chest, like he is being carefully trapped on his place, making him burst into a giggle. Soon, he’s being peppered with kisses around his cheeks, down his neck—which he didn’t hesitate giving access to.

It didn’t take long before he felt the weight slowly lifts downward his torso.

“Woah, woah,” he mumbles eyes still closed. “Are we really doing this now?”

He instinctively reaches down for her, taking her and bringing her back to his face.

“Hey, Jennie, when did you become _this_ furry?” he asked, feeling tiny hairs tickling his neck.

“W-why are your arms so skinny…and short? Is that a...” he slowly opens his eyes. “A collar?!”

That’s when he realized it’s not Jennie who’s tackling him right now. Of course, it can’t be Jennie. She won’t do something like this, not when things are mad crazy right now. Of course, it’s Gimbap the golden retriever still fighting for access to lick his face.

“Gimbap!” he screamed, sitting up on the couch and putting the dog down. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked, throwing his arms around him as if covering himself up.

He took a long moment just staring at the dog, trying to wrap his head around the dream he just had and how _frustrated_ he must’ve been to have such a dream, before he notices a pair of eyes staring at him.

He turned to his side, by the end of the couch, Nora is looking at him with judging eyes.

“What?” he asked in with guilt. “You can’t look at me like that! You can’t blame me! It has been so long!”

Nora just stared blankly at him for a whole minute before coldly turning around and walking away.

Jaebum sighs. He stands from the couch then stretches his arms and back as he walks to the kitchen to get himself coffee and prepare breakfast. He went straight to the coffee maker only to see it brewing already. He then turned to the dining table where bowls of cereals and fruits are prepared.

He turned to the clock hanging on the living room wall, telling him that it’s just a little bit past eight. He turned back to face the dining table, slapping his cheeks, wondering if he’s still in a dream because there is no way there’s a breakfast prepared when he was literally dreaming just a few minutes ago.

“Jisoo?” he calls, wondering if she happened to visit this early to prepare them breakfast. “Are you here?”

“Why are you looking for another woman in your house?” Jennie quizzed, suddenly popping out in the kitchen.

“Jennie!” Jaebum cried, flustered after suddenly remembering his dream. “How long have you been there?”

“Just now.” She replied, walking to the dining table. “I woke up early so I thought I should make the breakfast this time. I don’t kno— _remember_ —what kind of coffee you like so I just left it brewing.”

She talks, not batting an eye at Jaebum, somehow embarrassed with what she did while Jaebum is just watching her, still making himself believe that this is real.

“Are you not eating?” Jennie asked, realizing Jaebum is till _just_ watching.

“Oh, yeah, of course I am.” He replied, taking his cup, pouring himself coffee before walking to the table with the sugar and milk in hand.

The both of them tried their best in making the breakfast as casual as it should be but both of them are failing drastically.

Jaebum kept on taking glances at Jennie, wondering if he should ask her about what happened yesterday or at least ask if she’s feeling better now. On the other hand, Jennie keeps her eyes on her food, avoiding Jaebum’s gaze. She’s still embarrassed about what happened and has questions about it herself but she didn’t feel like talking about it.

“I see you finally found your closet.” Jaebum mumbles, deciding to go against his thoughts.

Jennie consciously looks down at her clothes—a blue and white checkered buttoned down Sunday dress. _Is this too much to wear?_ She quietly thought to herself.

“Sorry,” Jennie mumbles. “I didn’t know it was your clothes that I was wearing.”

“It’s fine! I love it when you wear my clothes.” Jaebum looks down at his cereal, hiding the smile on his face and whispers, “It was a bum you even found your right closet.”

“What was that?” Jennie asked.

“Nothing.” Jaebum replied, looking up at her. “You’re planning to go out? You seem a little bit dressed up…”

He trails off, suddenly feeling uneasy about what his question can bring. What if she asks to look for Mark again? He promised to help her; can he still do that after what happened last night?

“I’m going back to the foundation.” Jennie replied, pulling Jaebum off his thoughts.

“Oh,” it took him a while to process his thoughts. “That-that’s great! The team will be happy as usual. I will—”

Jaebum’s phone suddenly rings, cutting him off.

Jennie turned to him and he wasn’t going to answer it at first but it was as if he suddenly remembered something and he quickly gets his phone from the kitchen counter where he left it.

“Excuse me.” He says, standing up and walking past Jennie to answer the phone.

Jennie watches him from a far. It seemed pretty serious. He is listening intently and nodding a few times then, suddenly, he was grinning and laughing. She wonders who could it be and how can he be giggling like that with just a phone call. The phone call goes on longer and his grin turns wider, making Jennie even more uncomfortable. 

Jaebum turns around, catching Jennie watching him. Jennie immediately looks away, biting her lips in embarrassment. Jaebum ends the call right away but instead of walking to Jennie, like she expected, he walks to the bathroom to take a shower.

“Who could that be? He didn’t even finish his food.” Jennie pouts.

 

 

Jennie is already done with the dishes and is on the couch, sketching the pets, when Jaebum finished getting changed. He comes out of the room fully dressed but instead of his usual dress shirt and pants, he looks a little bit casual today with a good-fitting jeans and a simple shirt on, a jacket over his shoulder. He walks to the shoe rack by the door, grabbing his keys on the way, and puts on some plain sneakers. He may be dressed a lot simpler than the usual but he still looks good, better even, that Jennie wonders where he could possibly be going and her mind immediately drifts to the phone call he just had, making her uncomfortable again.

He stands up then turns to Jennie. “Ready?”

“Huh?” Jennie was caught a little bit off guard.

“You said you wanted to come to the foundation today.” Jaebum said.

It was only then that Jennie had a better look of his shirt. Apparently, it wasn’t some weird artistic print. At the center of his shirt, a familiar logo is printed—one that she has seen a lot these days, at the foundation house to be specific—it was the foundation’s logo.

Jennie melts in a smile. “Ready.”

 

 

Their trip to the foundation is quiet, as usual. Jaebum has his eyes fixed on the road while Jennie once in a while take glances of him. She can’t help but feel embarrassed about what happened last night.  She already feels bad about the mess she’s making, how she’s dragging him in this mess, but what makes her even more ashamed is how Jaebum deals with all of this.

He’s unusually _so_ calm. His supposed to be wife is going around, desperate to find another man and he’s just dealing with this so calmly. It’s a wonder how he looks so composed right now, considering how obscured he has been since she first woke up.

Jaebum suddenly turns to her, catching her looking at him, when they were on a stop. He immediately melts into a weak smile, as if to assure her troubled mind. Jennie looks away, biting her lips. For once, she’s doubting the dreams she keeps on having. Jaebum isn’t bringing her pain. It is her who’s hurting him.

They arrived at the foundation house shortly after. Jaebum parked his car on their usual spot and they went inside with minimal dialogue. When they got inside, everyone is already busy doing something.

“You two owe me some explanation.” Jisoo says, suddenly appearing behind the couple with a box in her arms and starts walking with them.

“Hey, let it pass, will you?” Jinyoung says, appearing beside Jisoo and taking the box from her.

“You can’t leave just like that!” Jisoo nags, totally ignoring Jinyoung’s sudden presence. “I had to deal with them and _him_! You have no idea how worried I was!”

Jinyoung shakes his head. “Stop nagging, okay? I’m pretty sure they got it sort out, whatever it is.” He gives Jaebum a look, asking for approval.

“How is everything going?” Jaebum bluntly replied.

Jinyoung let out a sigh, giving up. “Everything is under control. You just need to rehearse your speech.”

“Shit.” Jaebum cursed.

“Of course, you forgot.” Jisoo shakes her head. “Go, do it now.”

Jaebum turned to Jennie, worried.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s a grown woman.” Jisoo said. “And this is _her_ foundation, in case you forgot.”

Jinyoung couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “Come on, man.” He told Jaebum, leading the way.

Jaebum still has his eyes on Jennie though. She immediately smiled at him to tell him it’s okay before he actually followed Jinyoung inside.

The two women watch them leave before Jisoo turned to Jennie.

“You’re not going to tell me anything, either, will you?” she asked.

Jennie smiled in guilt. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Jisoo sighs. “Come with me.”

Jisoo leads the way with Jennie a step behind her. They went to the conference room where loads of snacks welcomed them. Some of them are already packed—a bottle of fruit juice and a hearty sandwich inside a nicely patterned paper bag—but most of it are still scattered in boxes.

“I told the boys this should be done yesterday,” Jisoo says, walking in. “But we got a little bit distracted yesterday.”

Jennie bites her lips, feeling a bit responsible over yesterday’s mishaps.

“One juice and a sandwich, all at random.” Jisoo instructed as she takes each of what she just said and put them in a paper bag.

Jennie follows, carefully putting the juice and sandwich in the bag. They work together harmoniously in silence, with Jisoo initiating small talk once in a while, which Jennie didn’t bother at all. They were halfway through the chore when Jennie realized she has no idea what this event is that’s making everyone busy.

She glances around, looking for clues, not wanting to ask Jisoo directly yet. Apart from the food, which doesn’t really give away anything, there’s nothing else in the room that can tell her what the event is. She was reaching for another piece of paper bag when she noticed what the print is—tiny paws and cat ears.

“Are we having a pet show?” she thinks out loud.

“Pet show?” Jisoo echoed with a slight giggle. “If Jaebum’s audience is a bunch of pets—that’s going to be a great show.”

Jennie stared at her in puzzle.

“It’s an event for vet students.” Jisoo finally explains. “It’s some sort of a tradition we’re trying out that we started last two years. We invite veterinary students for a day of volunteering with our care pets but we don’t limit to just vets, we also invite some med students who’re interested.” Jisoo chuckled. “Jaebum thinks there is someone out there who’s just confused like he was.”

“Today’s event is just a little bit more special for him because the invited students are from his university.” Jisoo continues. “He must’ve felt he needs to prove something. You know, after all the field shifting thing.”

Jisoo continues with more details about the event and Jaebum’s participation in it but Jennie’s mind is already wandering elsewhere.

“He’s a veterinarian.” Jennie mumbles.

“Yes.” Jisoo replies, as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. “Did no one tell you—wait, do you remember it now?”

Jisoo looks at Jennie expectantly.

“I just mean…” Jennie trails off, not knowing how to say that her mind is still a blank without disappointing Jisoo. “It makes sense now. What he does, I mean.”

Jisoo nods, hiding her disappointment in a smile. “Yes, that’s what he is. Though we’re pretty sure he’s more of a pet advocate by now.”

Jisoo clears her throat and straightens her shoulders. “They are in great need, don’t you know? Be it a veterinarian or a volunteer, every animal needs us.” She says, perfectly imitating Jaebum which cracks Jennie up.

They were lost in their harmonious laughter when the door of the conference room swings open.

“Hot long black medium for Im Jaebu—oh, he’s not here?” Yugyeom peeks through the door with a coffee in hand.

Jennie shakes her head.

“He’s probably at the event place already.” Jisoo replied.

“Alright! See you!” Yugyeom already stepped out when Jisoo called him back.

“Kim Yugyeom!” Jisoo called.

“What? He’s gonna kill me if I don’t bring him his coffee yet.” Yugyeom steps back.

“Can you help me bring these boxes to the garden? We’ll have the food ready there.” Jisoo ordered.

“I just told you Jaebum wants his coffee A-S-A-P.” Yugyeom said.

“Jennie can bring the coffee to her hubby.” Jisoo said.

“Oh, you’re right.” Yugyeom agrees, stepping further in the conference room.

“Huh?” Jennie mumbles, unsure.

“That will save me from his wrath. Here you go.” Yugyeom smiled, handing the coffee to Jennie.

Before Jennie can say more, Yugyeom and Jisoo are already picking up boxes to bring to the hall.

“See you later, Jendeuk.” Jisoo winks.

Jennie watches them leave, then turns back to the coffee in her hand. “I don’t even know where he is.”

Without a choice, Jennie leaves the conference room and looks for Jaebum to bring his coffee. She walks further inside, realizing that this is actually the first time she’s seeing what’s inside the foundation house. It is really like a regular house—a regular house with lots of rooms and spacious areas.

The strong aroma of the coffee fills the air. She’s wondering if it is Jaebum’s go-to coffee and she can’t help but think how she doesn’t even know what kind of coffee that he likes. She doesn’t know anything about him and it feels a little bit odd discovering these small yet pivotal details about Jaebum after all the time she’s spent with him. She has been with him since the moment she woke up; he’s been with her every day; he has done so many things for her and, yet, she realized she knows so little about him.

Not even his work. She just knows he goes to work on a regular basis and goes home tired most of the times. It was something that she knows he has to do, like how a young child knows her parents _work_ ; she doesn’t realize how much of his work is his life.

“Hey, Jennie, is that Jaebum’s?”

Jennie turned around to find Jinyoung passing by with a stack of papers on his arm. “He’s waiting for that inside the event hall.”

He must’ve forgotten that Jennie is not supposed to remember where the event hall is because he already left before she could even ask where is the hall exactly. So, Jennie just went for the nearest door, where Jinyoung came from.

The door opens to what seems like a small room. She walks a bit further inside, aiming for yet another door inside that is slightly opened. It’s a little backstage, she realizes after taking a peek from the door and saw Jaebum on the other side of the room, standing by the podium on the stage.

“We can serve a greater purpose of helping animals.” She heard him mumble only to shake his head in his own disagreement. “No, that doesn’t sound right.”

“We often think that animals need us, but what we don’t know is it’s us who needs them more.” He took a moment, thinking, before he eventually groans. “Too pretentious.”

He turns to the paper in the podium to write something—only to drabble over it in frustration.

Jennie watches him from behind the door, not knowing how to give him his coffee. She didn’t want to disturb him, more so be a bother to him like she always does. But the coffee in her hand is not getting any hotter, leaving her in the bigger dilemma of giving it to him without actually disturbing him.

“We often take our pets for granted, not knowing that we don’t own them; instead, they own us.” Jaebum paused midway before looking down his paper and drabbling even more. “I sound like a cat lady.”

Jaebum got so immersed in his paper and Jennie took it as an opportunity to leave the coffee on the tiny table a few steps from the podium where he is standing. It might take him a while to notice the coffee but, at least, Jennie was able to deliver it.

Jennie is just a few steps away, making sure not to make any sound, when Jaebum’s pen slips from his hand and falls to the floor. He immediately bent down to get it but the pen rolled further away until it reached Jennie’s foot.

Jennie froze in her place with the coffee in hand while Jaebum picks up the pen and quickly stands, oblivious of her presence—that is until he has fully stood up and found his face inches away from Jennie’s

“Jennie,” he mumbles.

“He-here’s your coffee.” Jennie stutters, taking an ungraceful step back in panic.

Jaebum aims to reach for her arm, but immediately backs off and reaches for the coffee instead.

“Thank you.” He mumbles, after what seems like an eternity of awkward silence.

Jennie nods, biting her lip. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Jaebum replied.

Jennie turned around and walks back to the backstage. Jaebum watched her leave before turning back to the podium with a sigh.

“Jaebum,”

The sound of her voice softly calling his name lifts Jaebum up to the clouds, the feeling of hearing one of his most favorite sounds in the world after a long time.

Jaebum turns around, Jennie is standing by the door.

“Animals need us, but we need them just as much.” Jennie mumbles.

“Huh?” Jaebum mumbles.

Jennie melts in a smile. “I think that’s what you should say.”

“Oh.” Jaebum nods, a wide grin appears in his face. “Right.”

 

 

“What is he doing?”

“He’s making me dizzy.”

Minutes before the event, Jennie, Jisoo and Jinyoung check on the venue. They were welcomed by Jackson and Youngjae talking about Jaebum. They all watch as Jaebum walk back and forth the stage, mumbling stuff to himself and taking deep breaths in between.

“That is worse when we took the board exams.” Jinyoung mumbles.

“He’s been like that for the past thirty minutes.” Youngjae said.

“ _Thirty-eight_.” Jackson corrected.

Jisoo just laughed, making Jennie nervous.

“Does he have a stage fright?” she asked.

All heads turn to Jennie, making her feel like she asked the wrong question.

“An old professor in med school is coming.” Jisoo replied. “The one who used to love him so much.”

“It’s been a while since I had a student like you, Mr. Im.” Jinyoung mumbles in an old man’s voice, even squinting his eyes to imitate the old man. “But now, I’m disappointed—that’s what he said when Jaebum quit med school to be a vet.”

“He felt so bad and disheartened, he almost went crawling back to med school.” Jackson said.

“Then, what happened?” Jennie asked.

 “You talked him through it.” Youngjae replied. “You’re the only one he listens to.”

Jennie turns back to Jaebum, watching him step back and forth. No wonder he’s feeling nervous. She felt an urge to walk to him; talk to him or simply take his hand—anything to make him feel a little bit at ease.

She took a step forward, mindlessly, when Lisa suddenly comes rushing inside the hall.

“The students are coming!” Lisa announced. “Is everything ready?”

“Everything except your speaker.” Youngjae mumbles, getting up on the stage.

“Let’s do this, team!” Jackson screamed, running to his post.

“They’re here!” Yugyeom announced, running inside the hall.

“The silver-haired turtle is here!” Bambam screamed, running behind Yugyeom.

Jinyoung shakes his head, laughing, the nickname they have for their old professor still gets him.

“He’s coming, Jaebum.” Bambam whispered to Jaebum when he walked past him, only to dash away in an instant, scared of Jaebum’s possible wrath.

“Let’s go, Jennie.” Jisoo tugs Jennie’s arm. “The view at the back is better.”

Jaebum takes a deep breath. He turns to the side where Jennie and Jisoo are, catching Jennie’s eyes just before Jisoo snags her away.

 _You can do it_. Jennie mouths, locking gazes with Jaebum, before she fully turns away.

Murmurs quickly filled the room as the students enter. Lisa and Jackson ushers them in while Jinyoung greets some familiar faces, some juniors he met back in the university. It didn’t take long before the most awaited guest, Mr. Han—or the silver haired turtle as they call him because of his old age—came in. Jinyoung greeted him and walks with him to his seat, keeping him occupied with small talk.

Jennie glances at Jaebum, who’s sitting calmly on the side of the stage. He was looking at Jinyoung and Mr. Han, following them with his gaze. He’s just looking at them blankly but it looks like he’s quite worried. Jennie still wonders what she can do to make him feel at ease.

The event started as planned. Youngjae, being the event’s MC, was the first to talk to the audience. He talked about the foundation and its mission on helping animals, something that the majority of the students, regardless of their major, felt really connected to.

Next came Jaebum’s speech. Jennie was so worried at first. Not that she doesn’t believe that Jaebum can wing the speech but with how Jaebum was pacing around earlier, she can just imagine how much pressure he’s feeling. Jaebum went over their expectations though. He talked so naturally, filled with passion, just like what he really is about animals. He talked about his personal experiences and connections with the fury friends; how they make his life a little bit more bearable.

It leaves Jennie in awe how he can talk so calmly and naturally when he was literally around, jittery, just minutes ago. But then again, he’s Jaebum and he always make things work. She can’t help but think about the mess that she’s dragging him into right now. How he just accepts it, pledging to stay by her side even though it’s obviously hurting him inside. A good man like him doesn’t deserve this.

“Animals need us, but we need them just as much.” Jaebum concludes his speech, borrowing the exact words that Jennie told him earlier.

The audience roar into an applause. Jaebum waits for it to die down before bowing one last time then he walks to leave the stage. Youngjae took over to go with the rest of the program. They did the prepared activities shortly after, each of the members scattered around to help.

Jennie is stuck with Jisoo though, not really aware where her place should be. Jisoo patiently guided her through, it wasn’t much work anyway. They just wandered around ready to help the students in case they needed something.

“It feels kinda weird to have you following me around like this.” Jisoo said with a chuckle. The program is done and they are just sending the students off.

“Sorry.” Jennie pouts. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No, no! That’s not what I mean.” Jisoo corrects. “It’s just that it’s you who do this for me.”

Jennie bites her lip. “Thank you so much, Jisoo. For everything.”

“It’s nothing, really.” Jisoo smiles. “And hey, best friends don’t do this! It’s cringey!”

Jisoo then hooks her arm onto Jennie’s, squeezing herself into her best friend.

“This is more of what we do.” She says, snuggling her cheek onto Jennie’s arm, making the latter laugh.

“Excuse me, uh, Jennie?” Jinyoung calls from behind.

They turned around, Jisoo trying her best to keep herself attached to Jennie until she saw the old man with Jinyoung.

She detaches herself from Jennie and quickly bows. Jennie, out of instinct, followed and greeted the old man in respect too.

“Jennie,” Jinyoung calls. “This is Dr. Han.”

Jennie gave the old man a good look. He’s _old_ with so much gray hair that Jennie wonders if it’s possible to have that _much_ gray hair—until she realized who the man is.”

“Our professor back in the university.” Jinyoung continues but before he could even finish, Jennie’s already bowing again, much politer this time. “He said he wants to meet you.”

“Me?” Jennie echoes, looking up with wide eyes.

Jinyoung just nods as Dr. Han takes a step closer and takes Jennie’s hand.

“You’re Jennie?” the old man asked but didn’t really wait for Jennie’s reply. She wouldn’t know how to answer, anyway.

He smiles warmly, like a smile grandfathers give to their grandkids.

“Thank you.” He said.

Jennie’s eyes turned even wider. She shoots Jinyoung and Jisoo—who has evacuated her spot beside her and has moved beside Jinyoung—puzzled looks but they are just as clueless as her.

“Thank you for convincing Mr. Im to take a different path. It would’ve been a shame if he wasted that passion to something that he doesn’t really love. He truly belongs here.”

Dr. Han’s smile turned wider as he pats Jennie’s hand with his other hand.

“Thank you.” He repeated.

Jennie melts in a while. It’s something she can’t take credit for but she can’t help but feel delighted that this man that puts so much worry in Jaebum is actually glad of what Jaebum has become. Anyone would.

“Dr. Han.” Jaebum said, his voice calm even though the sight that welcomed him is a little bit confusing.

Dr. Han patted Jennie’s hand one last time before turning around to face Jaebum. He watched intently as Jaebum politely bowed at him.

“I hope you enjoyed the event.” Jaebum dared to say.

Dr. Han just nods before walking away, firmly patting Jaebum’s shoulder when he passed by him. “Good job.”

Jinyoung and Jaebum exchanged looks while Jisoo and Jennie look at Jaebum with wide smile and sparkly eyes, unable to hide their excitements.

Jaebum turned back to him and bowed once again. “Thank you so much, Dr. Han.” He said calmly before the ecstatic feeling finally hit him and he grins widely.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Han!” he screamed. “Love you, Dr. Han!”

“Wow, I never thought I’ll see that again.” Jinyoung mumbles as soon as Dr. Han is out of sight. “He treated you like an estranged son ever since you shifted and now…wow.”

“Im Jaebum!” Jackson screams as he comes running to Jaebum and threw himself at him when he reached him. “You did great, man!”

“Why were you even nervous when you can do that?” Youngjae asked.

“That was method acting.” Jaebum clears his throat.

“Method acting my ass.” Bambam said, joining the group along with Yugyeom and Lisa after sending the students off.

“Hey, you, did you think I didn’t hear you earlier?” Jaebum asked.

Bambam pursed his lips and hides behind Jinyoung. “I did that to bring out the fire in you and it worked!”

“Hey, hey, kids, stop arguing.” Jisoo said.

“Yes! We just had a successful event, you know what this calls for!” Jackson screamed then winked at Jennie

“Time to party!”

“Party!”

“Party time!”

Youngjae, Lisa and Bambam shouted in chorus.

“Oh my gosh, it’s been a while since we all hangout together!” Jisoo exclaimed. “I’ll call the bar for a reservation.”

Jinyoung shakes his head. “You don’t need to. I’m on the VIP list.”

“We’re VIPs!” Yugyeom screamed then he started dancing randomly; it didn’t take long before Bambam joined him in dancing.

“I think we’ll have to sit out tonight.” Jaebum suddenly said in a cold tone, dropping everyone’s mood—even Jennie’s.

“Party pooper!” Jackson boos.

“But it’s not fun without you two.” Lisa frowned.

“You’re the star of the event, we can’t celebrate without you.” Youngjae told Jabeum.

“It’s just… I don’t think Jennie can go for a night out already.” Jaebum said.

“Oh, Jaebum, it’s just one night! Look at Jennie, she wants it too.” Jisoo said.

Jaebum turned to Jennie and, true enough, disappointment is painted all over her face after he said they’re skipping the night out. She pouts and all that Jaebum can do is sigh. How can he say no to Jennie?

“Okay, okay.” Jaebum surrenders. “But we will leave when things get out of hand.”

They all cheered, including Jennie, and huddled into a celebratory hug and leaving Jaebum out of it.

Jinyoung shakes his head laughing and puts an arm around Jaebum’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jaebum. Everything’s gonna be fine. We’re with you.”

Jaebum sighed heavily. “That’s exactly what worries me.”

 

 

“Chicken is better than meat. ALWAYS!” Jisoo argues.

Jinyoung scoffed. “How can you say that when Korean beef exists? Meat is way better!”

“What makes you think that? You’re crazy!”

“I know. I know because I am meat!”

Jinyoung screams at the top of his lungs as he gets on his feet and reaches for the buttons of his shirt. “I am mea—”

A soju bottle cap came running to his head even before he can even finish.

“Chicken! Chicken is better!” Jisoo fires back, getting on her feet too.

“Are they for real?” Lisa asked, watching her two friends argue like mad people.

“Why are they arguing over food?” Jennie asked.

Youngjae laughs, reaching for his beer to take a big gulp.“Jinyoung gave Jisoo the last piece of chicken wing because he said he didn’t want it.” He recalls. “Jisoo, instead of thanking him, got offended because he didn’t like chicken.”

“And you tell me they’re professional grownups?” Bambam shakes his head.

Lisa turned to him with a smirk. “You’re worse when drunk.”

Youngjae nods. “Why are you on the sobers’ side tonight?”

“Yeah, that’s unusual.” Jennie said.

Bambam scoffed then gave Jennie a questioning look. “You remember?”

Jennie shakes her head. “You just seem to be _that_ kind of person.”

Youngjae and Lisa giggle while Bambam can only frown.

“Hey—you’re right.” Bambam laughs. “But I have a flight early tomorrow so I can’t drink.”

“ _Ohhh_. Where’s Mr. Youtuber going this time? VidCon?” Youngjae asked.

Bambam shakes his head. “Nah. Just meeting a friend in SG.”

“Which friend?” Lisa asked.

“Ra—why are you asking?” Bambam turned to Lisa.

Lisa just stared back blankly before shrugging. “Nothing. I just don’t think you’re famous enough to have friends abroad.”

Bambam made a face. “I do, okay? That’s why I need to go home, I have an early flight tomorrow.”

Bambam stands but Youngjae and Lisa stop him, each grabbing one of his hands.

“You can’t leave us!” Youngjae said.

“You need to help us bring them home.” Lisa said, looking over at their friends.

Apart from Jisoo and Jinyoung who are still in a heated argument over chicken and meat, the rest of their friends are worse. Yugyeom is snoring at the corner of the couch, Jackson is somewhere in the crowd, and Jaebum is sitting still beside Jennie; wide awake but it looks like his whole body is already asleep.

Bambam sighed. “Let’s start with him.”

Bambam walks to the dance floor to get Jackson and Youngjae followed, while Lisa stayed and tried to stop the food debate, which is still going on beside them.

Jennie simply watches them, surprised at how they know exactly what to do as if dealing with their wasted friends is a natural thing for them. She looked over beside her, Jaebum is sitting calmly, his legs are even crossed, but it is so obvious how drunk he is.

He looks so tired; an exhaustion that is more than physical. Jennie felt a dug in her chest. No matter how much she tried not to think about it, she knows she’s responsible for this and yet, she can’t do anything to make him feel better. Or maybe she can. She just needs to be a little bit more open.

She lifts her hand and slowly aims for Jaebum’s cheek. But just when her fingers are so close to his skin, she felt a sudden weight on the couch.

“I’m not drunk! I want to dance! I’m—I…” Jackson dozed off as soon as he hit the couch.

“Yeah, yeah, dance in your dreams.” Bambam told him.

“They won’t stop arguing.” Lisa whined.

Youngjae sighed in surrender. “We have no choice but to let them continue the debate at home.”

“They live together?” Jennie asked, dumbfounded.

Lisa shakes his head. “Just in the same building. They’re literally neighbors.”

“I can drive them home.” Youngjae said. “How about Yugyeom? You can take care of him, Lisa? His apartment is closer to yours.”

“It’s not like I have a choice.” Lisa said, already walking to Yugyeom to wake him up.

“That leaves you for Jackson and the couple, Bambam.” Youngjae instructed.

“But I didn’t bring my car!” Bambam protested. “Just get designated drivers!”

“For Jackson,” Lisa said. “But not Jennie and Jaebum, unless you wanna get kicked by Jaebum.”

“You can use his car.” Youngjae said.

Bambam smirks. “That’s a good idea. I’ll even use it to the airport tomorrow. That’s fine, right, Jennie?”

Jennie nods, not really knowing if she can make such decision.

After the sober individuals have successfully let inside the car their much of a burden drunk friends, Lisa and Youngjae bid their farewell to Bambam and Jennie who are going to a different direction.

Bambam and Jennie then went inside the car, quietly buckling their seatbelts. Jennie looked at the back seat to check on Jaebum, but he’s already starting to doze off.

“This is just like when we first met.” Bambam suddenly said, breaking the silence.

“Huh?” Jennie mumbles, turning to Bambam.

“We were so awkward, maybe worse.” Bambam replied.

Jennie looked at him in disbelief.

“What?” Bambam glanced at her from the door. “You don’t believe me?”

“You don’t look like someone who’ll be awkward meeting new people.” Jennie said, out of fair judgment.

“Well, you’re right.” Bambam said after thinking about it. “But we met in a different time.”

Jennie didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“It’s true that you don’t remember stuff, huh?” Bambam said. “You _found_ me on my first ever exhibit. I was still in college, I think.”

“Exhibit? Photo exhibit?”

Bambam nods.

“You were already holding exhibits that young?”

Bambam chuckles. “It was dumb. I spent all the money I saved from my part time job for that stupid exhibit but no one came.”

Jennie frowned. “That’s not stupid.”

Bambam smiled, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music playing in the stereo.

“And I thought you don’t remember anything.”

“What?” Jennie asked in puzzle.

“That’s exactly what you told me.” Bambam said. “I already convinced myself that it was a failure—I was even ready to pack it all up on the first day. If not for that lady who stayed and looked around my photos for an hour. There were barely ten photos then, an hour is too much to look around.”

“T-that was me?” Jennie asked to which Bambam replied with a nod.

“I followed you around, explaining each photo but you were just quietly walking around.” Bambam continued. “It was awkward, I felt even more dumb. I was going to send you away until people starting coming. They weren’t much, just a small group of friends, but it was enough for me to finish the day.”

“The next day, you’re back.” Bambam added. “And even more people came. People I don’t even know and I don’t have any idea how they found out about my exhibit.”

“See? It wasn’t stupid.” Jennie smiled.

“You all invited them in.” Bambam revealed.

“I did?” Jennie asked, wide eyes in wonder.

By that time, they already reached their apartment building. Bambam parked the car at the guests’ area, not knowing where is Jaebum’s designated space is and, well, Jennie doesn’t know either.

“You believed in me even when I was about to give up on myself.” Bambam said just as he parks the car. “You always believed in people.”

Bambam removes his seatbelt then he turned to Jennie, who’s looking at him with endearing eyes.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that.” Bambam said. “I know being sentimental doesn’t suit me. Should I come back saying stupid stuff?”

Jennie shakes her head smiling. Perhaps _she_ really have this effect on people. It must have been nice to have someone believing in you no matter what.

Bambam turns to the backseat where Jaebum is sitting.

“Oh no, this is bad. He fell asleep.” Bambam said.

“Isn’t it good for drunk people to fall asleep? They should rest.” Jennie said.

“Well, not for him.” Bambam replied. “He falls asleep, wakes up shortly after and acts even weirder. It’s going to be a tough night for you tonight.”

Jennie looked at him in horror.

Bambam shrugged. “Let’s go.”

Bambam didn’t want to tire Jennie but Jaebum is too big for him to carry alone so they ended up carrying the drunk man by either of his arms, up to their fifth-floor unit. Trying their best not to wake him up makes it just even harder for them.

Luckily, their door’s password is something that Jennie has already memorized by now. They were able to get inside their apartment without waking up Jaebum. They gently laid him down in the couch before slumping on the floor themselves, tired and catching their breaths.

“I…I am so..rry.” Bambam pants before sighing. “Why is he so fucking heavy?”

Jennie giggles. “Thank you, Bambam.”

Bambam shakes his head. “Don’t thank me. This is nothing for everything you’ve done for me. You and this drunkard.”

Bambam said, kicking Jaebum lightly with his foot—which only wakes him up. Bambam and Jennie exchanged looks before turning back to Jaebum moving in the couch.

Jaebum groans. “Why is it so bright?”

Jaebum opens his eyes slowly. “Bambam? What are you doing here?”

“Oh no.” Bambam mutters

“Oh—! Who’s that beautiful lady?” Jaebum points at Jennie.

Jennie froze in her place.

“Can you introduce me to her?” Jaebum told Bambam, eyes fixed on Jennie as he melts into a childish smile. “Do I know her, though? She seems familiar… I feel like I’ve seen her somewhe…”

Jaebum dozes off again even before he could finish.

“See? He’s that kind of crazy.” Bambam said, turning to Jennie before standing up. “I need to go now before he wakes up again.”

Jennie grabs his arm. “You’re gonna leave me with him?”

Bambam looks puzzled. “Yeah?”

“He’s drunk!” Jennie panics, her grip tightens.

“He’s your husband.” Bambam replied.

Jennie froze for a while, stunned, before letting go of Bambam’s arm completely.

Bambam laughs. “It might feel new now but you can deal with that. You’re the only one who can.”

Bambam turns to Jaebum one last time, shaking his head, before bidding goodbye and stepping out of the apartment.

Jennie could only watch him walk out of the door and the whole apartment feels so dark and empty once again. She sighs then she slowly turns to Jaebum who’s softly snoring on the couch. Afraid to wake him up again, she quietly goes to the room to clean up herself and change into clean clothes.

They had a long day, she’s only realizing now that she can actually feel her legs weak and her whole body sore. She had so much fun with the event at the foundation and spending the night out with her, now, friends—she hadn’t had that much time in a while (well, from what she can _remember_ ) and she’s glad she was able to do all of that—but it’s just too tiring, physically tiring. All she wants to do right now is throw herself in bed and sleep for as long as she can.

But then she remembers Jaebum sleeping outside and guilt comes creeping in once again. She can’t let him sleep like that. So, she quickly washed her face and changed into fresh set of clothes. Not bothering into picking the _right_ clothes, she just chose whatever she saw on top of the newly-washed rack—sweatpants and a grey-brown colored sweatshirt, which is again too big for her.

She goes out to the living room, Jaebum is still sleeping sound on the couch. She takes a deep breath, wondering, what is she going to do now?

She can’t change his clothes. _No. She can’t do that._ But Jaebum needs to clean up, at least. So she went to the bathroom to take a clean towel, which she damped with water, before going back to the couch to start washing Jaebum’s face.

She walks to him on the couch. She removes his shoes first, then she takes off his jacket—making small, calculated movements, not wanting to wake him up. She then takes the damp towel and kneels beside him on the couch. She slowly reached for his forehead and wipes it.

From his forehead, Jennie went on to wipe Jaebum’s face. Her eyes following her hands as she does so. It’s starting to be her favorite sight now—his face—the complexity of his features, his chiseled nose and jaw, along with his soft lips and eyes. The sight that used to bring her pain has now become the only thing that she can remember even with her eyes closed.

Different from how he looks earlier, he seems a little bit better this time. There’s a soft smile on his face, like he’s having a good time in the dreamland. She wonders what he’s thinking right now, what is happening in that dream that makes him smile like this.

It must have something to do with pets. He might be lying around with his cats or spending a good day at the animal clinic—anything with animals in it, Jennie is sure it can make him smile.

Or could he be spending time with his friends? He sounds like he’s always annoyed with their antics but, truth is, he loves spending time with them—no matter how loud they are.

Or maybe he’s dreaming about _them_. The moments they shared before. The moment when they fell in love; the moments when they’re in love; the moments when they’re actually happy.

And then, somewhere in the deepest part of her heart, she wonders, could he be dreaming about her—her who’s with him right now.  But she quickly shakes those memories away because that will never happen. He can’t be smiling like this thinking about her when all she has brought him is pain.

“Wh-who are you?” Jaebum suddenly mumbles, his voice hoarse, as he struggles to open his eyes.

Jennie jumped in surprise, quickly moving away.

Jaebum opens his eyes, studying Jennie, which leaves her frozen in her place with no idea what to do.

“Oh! I remember! You’re my ex-girlfriend!” Jaebum exclaims, melting into a wide grin, making Jennie realize that it is still the drunk Jaebum talking.

Jaebum’s grin turn into a giggle.

“You’re my ex-girlfriend.” He repeated, putting his hand on his mouth as if to hide his giggle. “Because you’re my wife now.”

Jennie flushed, her whole face red amidst the dark room.

“You used to be my best friend, who turned into my girlfriend, then ex-girlfriend, now my wife!” he continues. “The woman I’m destined to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Aren’t I the luckiest?” he asked. “I’m married the woman I love the most.” He smiles but it quickly fades into a frown. “But she doesn’t remember me.”

Jennie’s heart sink.

“It hurts here.” Jaebum points at his chest. “It hurts so damn much. But I don’t care. I don’t care about anything else. As long as she’s alive. As long as she’s here.” he says as he reaches for Jennie’s face. “That’s enough for me.”

Jennie’s heart broke into pieces. Seeing Jaebum like this sends daggers in her heart. He’s hurting—all this time he’s hurt but he never once frowned at her. She has done nothing but to hurt him from the moment she woke up he never got angry at her. He never even treated her coldly. Despite all the pain he’s going through, he stayed. He cared for her and nurtured her; he does everything he can to fix her even though it’s breaking him even more.

Jennie tears up. It’s too much. She knows pain and how it can destroy anyone; she can’t afford to bring anyone pain. Especially when it’s someone who does nothing but the best for her. Especially when it’s Jaebum. She can’t do it to him.

She stands up, hoping to call it a day and be alone with her thoughts, but Jaebum stops her by grabbing her arm.

“Please stay here.” Jaebum pleads.

Jennie turns as Jaebum’s hand slowly slides down her hand.

“Just for tonight.” He mumbles, their fingers interlacing together. “Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we now officially welcome mr. mark tuan to the mysterious world of jenbum 🤭💖 sorry it took long for this update, we were both caught up with work and the holy week. but hey, i hope this was worth the wait!
> 
> what are your thoughts on this chapter? feel free to comment it down below or through our cc's. reading your reactions really help us write this story further 💖


	8. Eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOT7 just had their comeback! Please do stream Eclipse on Youtube and listen to their album Spinning Top: Between Security & Insecurity, you won't regret it! Okay hehe enjoy reading~

Jennie ties her hair up in a neat ponytail, carefully taking her hair in and tying it tight, only to let it down again—for what seems like the third time already. The past two tries wasn’t so bad and there wasn’t much difference but it wasn’t  _ okay  _ for Jennie. She bites her lip before putting her arms up again and ties her hair—this time, letting it be whatever it ends up to be. 

She takes a deep breath looking at her reflection in the mirror. She studies herself, wondering if she looks all right. She spent about two hours perfecting the  _ no  _ makeup look, which was ironic, she’ll admit. About two more hours picking the right outfit that will not make her look  _ too _ dressed up. Again, totally ironic. She is pretty sure by now that she has done everything she could to look presentable today and yet, she’s still nervous as heck.

How else will she feel when she’s about to go to a very important meeting for the foundation?  

Over the past weeks, Jennie has been spending a lot of time at the foundation. She hasn’t come back to her usual roll though, but she’s been helping around with the things she can. Her biggest project participation is happening today, where she’ll meet with prospect investors of the foundation, aiding Jisoo, of course.

She stares at her reflection in the mirror, finally  _ a little bit _ convinced with her ponytail. She took a couple more of deep breaths before starting to speak. 

“Hi, I’m Jennie.” She smiled at the mirror before shaking her head realizing how stiff she looks. 

She shakes her shoulders, loosening up. “Hi, I’m Jennie—the mother of YMF—“ she couldn’t even finish without flinching for how odd that sounded.

She shakes her head along with her arms and shoulders, trying to calm herself down along with a couple of deep breaths.

“Hi, I’m Jennie. Nice to meet you.” She mumbles, extending her hand to the mirror.

The cold feeling of the mirror against her fingertips jolted an unfamiliar feeling inside of her.

“Jennie… I’m Jennie.” She mumbles, as if convincing herself.

_ But am I really? _

“Nice to meet you too, Miss Jennie.” Jaebum mumbles, suddenly appearing beside Jennie, who took her hand and shakes it lightly.

Jennie jumps in surprise before turning to Jaebum with wide eyes. They stared at each other for a while—with Jaebum’s sleepy eyes and Jennie’s wide-shock eyes—their hands clasped in between them, before Jennie quickly detaches her hand from his and stepping back.

“W-what are you—you didn’t even knoc—why would you enter the bathroom when I’m here?” Jennie stuttered, flustered. 

Jennie’s whole face turned red in an instant and she immediately runs outside the bathroom, leaving confused and half asleep Jaebum.

“I do it all the time though.” Jaebum whispers, turning to the sink to wash his face.

Jennie’s heart is stomping like crazy. She had to hold her chest with her two hands just to make sure her heart won’t fall out. 

She turned back to the bathroom, watching Jaebum from the tiny gap in the door which she  _ accidentally _ left open. He looks tired again, she can tell from his reflection in the mirror and at how of a crazy mess his hair is. Work must have been stressful, she thought to herself. She doesn’t even remember what time Jaebum went home  _ earlier _ or in the past weeks. What she’s sure of is that he’s been spending long hours at work to cover for a co-worker’s shift who’s on vacation. He’s spending long hours at work and, yet, Jennie will still wake up with her breakfast ready on the table.

Jennie felt bad walking out on him like that—in her defense, they were  _ inside _ the bathroom—so she went to the kitchen to make coffee.

Back in bathroom, Jeabum washes his face harshly with the cold water waking him up. He looks at the mirror, stares at himself with his puffy face from eating late-night ramen when he got back home and his hair looking like a hay sack—no wonder Jennie runs away from him in horror.

He washes his face again, took a clean towel to dry his face with, then walks to the kitchen to make himself coffee—only to find two cups of freshly brewed coffee on top of the table waiting for him, like what it has always been the past days. He would go home tired, just when the sun is about to rise, prepare Jennie’s simple breakfast and then throw himself in the couch to catch up sleep. Mid-day, he’ll wake up with coffee brewing for him.

It’s one thing that makes the past weeks bearable for him. The past weeks has been too tiring for him. Early grind at work which ends almost  _ early _ in the morning too. It leaves the new resident no choice though, he’s the only rookie left to cover for his co-workers’ shifts.

He didn’t complain though. He likes working at the hospital and he gets to have coffee prepared for him. It’s the little things that matter for him. The only thing that worried him was Jennie; she is still healing and he wanted to be there for her always. Gladly, things are going a little bit better these days. Jennie is preoccupied with the foundation and is spending more time with their friends—it’s the perfect distraction from the things that bother them both.

“Sorry about that.” Jaebum apologizes as he shyly walks to the dining table.

Jennie simply smiled weakly, pushing the coffee mug towards Jaebum.

“Thanks.” Jaebum mumbles, taking the cup and letting it warm his hands before taking a tiny sip.

“You’re up early today.” Jennie noted. “Did you have a good sleep?”

Jaebum couldn’t stop himself from smiling after hearing Jennie care about his sleep. He had to push the mug up his lips, as he nods, to hide the embarrassing smile—which results to him burning himself with the hot coffee.

“Ow!” he jolted, pushing the cup away from his lips and spilling some on the table.

“Are you okay?” Jennie asks in worry, immediately pulling paper towels and handing it to Jaebum. 

She pulled some more to wipe the table. “That was hot.”

“I-it’s fine.” Jaebum stutters. “I’m okay.”

“Sure?” Jennie asked, leaning back on her chair.

“Yeah.” Jaebum assured with a smile. 

In all honesty, Jaebum didn’t care about burning, or losing a lot of sleep, if that means he get to have more conversations like this with Jennie. Yeah, that sounds horrid, but Jaebum noticed that Jennie is reaching out a little bit more these days. Sure, they spend less time together these days—considering his long shifts and her frequenting at the foundation.

But in those little in between moments they have, it seems like they have talked more than when they spend whole days together. Also, their conversations are less of the frustrating ones and more of the random, almost nonsense ones—all of which Jaebum will take as long as it means hearing Jennie’s soft voice and melodic laughter. 

Jaebum steals glances at Jennie from across the table. She’s reading something on her phone, slowly scrolling down and her facial expression changes once in a while. He melts into a smile, not bothering to hide it this time. Seeing Jennie right here, right now, lost in her own thoughts, is way warmer than a cup of coffee can ever be. This right here is enough for him. This sight before him is everything that Jaebum missed and wished to cherish for as long as he can, and it’s here. She’s here and she’s back to him. 

“You should go back to sleep.” Jennie suddenly says, pulling Jaebum off his thoughts.

“N-no.” Jaebum replied, caught off guard. “I have a few errands at YMF today.”

“Oh, okay.” Jennie nods.

They stayed in silence for the next few seconds before Jaebum stands up. 

“Thank you for this.” He said, lifting his mug with a smile. “I’ll just go take a shower.” He said turning his back on Jennie.

“Wait!” Jennie calls, to which Jaebum immediately turns around to in command.

“Yeah?”

“The mug… you aren’t going to bring that to the shower, are you?”

Jaebum turned pale just before his whole face immediately reddens. 

“No, of course not.” he chuckles dryly, putting the mug down and turning back around, running to the bathroom in an instant. 

Jennie watched Jaebum hide himself in the bathroom before bursting into a soft giggle. She pulls his mug close, ready to wash them, when she suddenly felt conscious as to why she’s laughing. She shakes her head and bites her lip. 

“No, no, no.” she mumbles to herself. “Why are you giggling? Is it because he’s too cute? No, he’s not. It’s not because he looks  _ that _ good straight from bed. No. It can’t be.”

She paused, looking troubled. “But he  _ is _ adorable.”

She frowns and lets go of the mugs she’s holding to cover her face with her hands. Her heart beats fast in her chest—not the scared or nervous type of fast, but that kind of fast that equates excitement; the feeling of being alive. She puts her hand down her chest, feeling her heart as if trying to calm it down, as she stares at the bathroom door. Gradually, as if notes are gently swimming their way to her ears, she heard Jaebum’s soft hum. Despite the closed doors and the sound of the shower, she hears him perfectly clear; as if he is trying to hum for her in the first place. She melts into a smile, unknowingly, as the fast beating of her heart turns softer and calmer.

Jaebum’s soft hum and the calm breathing of her heart create the perfect melody until the sound of a phone ringing disturbs the harmony.

Jennie jolts in surprise, feeling like she’s pulled out of the dream. She immediately glances around, looking for the ringing phone which she knows isn’t hers. She found the phone across the table, it’s Jaebum’s of course. 

She takes it and runs to the bathroom to tell Jaebum about it—all out of reflex until she’s in front of the door, her knuckle barely an inch away from the door; that’s when she realizes how awkward and probably inappropriate it is to disturb his shower just for a call. 

She puts her hand down, taking a step away from the door, embarrassed.  

She walks back to the kitchen, to resume her place and act as if nothing happened. The phone stopped ringing, without her knowing who the caller is. She thought that Jaebum should just find it when he comes back but just as she puts the phone back on the table, it started ringing again. She thought about taking the call, but argues to herself not to do it. Why would she answer it? It’s Jaebum’s phone, what does that make her?

Biting her lips, she reaches for the phone, not to answer it but to check who’s the caller instead. It’s pointless but she feels a deep urge to do it, so she did.

Jennie felt a sharp pang in her chest when she saw the caller ID— _ the prettiest _ , it says, finished off with a rose emoji. 

“Cold showers are the best.” Jaebum mumbles, stepping out of the bathroom, as if on cue. “I’m actually glad the heater’s bro—some phone’s ringing, do you hear that?”

“It’s yours.” Jennie immediately turns around, almost in panic.

“Huh?” Jaebum asked.

“Someone called you. Twice.” 

Jennie hands him the phone, which he took simultaneously, even though confused.

“I’ll just go get my bag.” Jennie said, walking away.

  
  


 

Jaebum taps his fingers on the steering wheel as he softly sings along to the song playing on the car stereo. It’s a good day for him. He doesn’t care if he’s driving early in the morning with little to no sleep the night before; he had a good shower, a warm cup of coffee, and Jennie to wake him up this morning—this is a good day. 

On the passenger seat beside him, Jennie sits feeling the exact opposite. She has her hands on her lap, her fingers fidgeting the hem of her skirt. For some reasons she can’t explain, she’s feeling hella nervous right now. It can’t be because of the meeting she’s going to because she knows she has psyched herself over that already. It may be, but she won’t admit, because of the phone call that Jaebum got this morning.

Jaebum keeps on getting calls at random times of the day lately— _ long _ random phone calls. They are just phone calls, she knows, and anyone can call Jaebum. He’s a doctor on call, for crying out loud. But the calls don’t end with him rushing to the ER. They mostly end with him laughing and giggling. He doesn’t need to excuse himself to the balcony or out of the room for hospital calls either. Hospital calls don’t have to sound so secretive like that. It looks like he’s purposely hiding the calls from Jennie, which is what bothers her the most.

Jennie insists that she’s not bothered. That she shouldn’t care. That it doesn’t matter to her. He can take his calls out, go on with long conversations at the wee times in the morning for all she cares. It’s none of her business.

But she can’t dictate her feelings something like that.

“Prettiest? Prettiest rose?” Jennie scoffs under her breath. “So lame.”

“Huh?” Jaebum asks, looking at her on the rearview mirror before turning at her. “Did you say anything?”

“H-huh? Nothing.” She stutters. “I was just…reading the road signs.”

Jaebum made a face of puzzle. He was going to ask further but Jennie turns to the window already.

They arrived at the foundation house shortly after. Jennie immediately gets off the car without even waiting for Jaebum to switch off the engine, leaving him even more clueless.

“Good morning.” Lisa happily greeted when Jennie and Jaebum enter, a couple of feet away from each other. “You came together.”

Jaebum does a little wave but Jennie just walked past Lisa with only a soft and dry  _ good morning _ before going inside her office.

Lisa gave Jaebum a look. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Jaebum strongly denies.

“You definitely did.” Lisa teased before following Jennie inside the office.

“Someone didn’t have a good morning.” She noted when she found Jennie slouching on her chair with her brows meeting.

Jennie replies with a groan as Lisa shakes her head, pretty much used to the couple having  _ those  _ mornings. 

Jennie drags her chair and twirls it around in frustration, only to face her coffee table with a bouquet of roses on it.

“Great. Roses.” Jennie grunted.

“They’re pretty, aren’t they?” Lisa excitedly says, totally missing the sarcasm in Jennie’s remark, as she walks to the bouquet. “They’re from that newbie NGO that you helped the other week. They sent this as a thank you.”

“Tell me, Lisa, what is so pretty about roses?” Jennie asked. 

Lisa laughed awkwardly, taking offense for Jennie’s sudden remark thinking it’s because of how excited she reacted but Jennie just stares at her, waiting for an answer.

“You’re serious?” Lisa asked.

“Of course, I am.” Jennie replied. “What’s so pretty about roses?”

“They’re pretty and they’re red…and they’re…” Lisa finds words to justify. “And elegant and… I don’t know, isn’t it a rule that roses  _ are  _ pretty?”

Jennie sighs, leaning back on her chair.

“Good morning!” The door suddenly swings open with Jisoo panting.

“Hey, what’s up, did you run?” Lisa asked, walking to Jisoo and taking a bottle of water from the mini fridge to give it to her.

Jisoo shakes her head and takes the water from Lisa. She takes a few big gulps, head still shaking, before taking a deep breath to answer.

“The investors are here.” Jisoo said.

“What?” Jennie shoots up in panic. “Isn’t the meeting at 10? It’s not even 9!”

“Yes. Tell that to your dumbass project head who made a typo in the invitation email and put 9 instead.” Jisoo said, referring to Yugyeom, as she walks inside the office to get her things for the meeting.

“I am so sorry!” Yugyeom runs to the door as if on cue. “But don’t worry, I have it settled down. The conference room is ready, projector is on and AC is working perfectly fine. I’ve called the food delivery too and snacks will arrive just in time.”

“That is why you’re here early!” Lisa noted.

“You were here early to get things done but you didn’t bother to tell us?” Jisoo pointed out. “We could’ve been late!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Yugyeom repeated. “But can we get to the conference room now? The investors are literally on their way in.”

“Let’s go.” Jennie ordered, pulling Jisoo and Yugyeom to the conference room.

Despite the little time mishap, the meeting went according to plan. The investors, who has always loved YMF’s work and has always been wanting a collaboration with them, are from an international brand who will sponsor their event planned for Children’s day. Basically, YMF will team up with the brand’s CSR leg called Smile of Hope for the event.

The brand’s main advocacy is to help bring joy to children with chronic illness so what Jennie and the rest of the team came up for this is event evolves with the theme  _ happiness is for everyone _ . They will team up with National Children’s Hospital and give pediatric patients the chance to experience the magical world of Disney without having to go to the actual park. 

“Happiness isn’t limited to a place. We should do everything we can do bring happiness to everyone.” Jisoo concludes the presentation using Jennie’s words, which she’s too nervous to say herself.

The investors loved the presentation so much that they gave the team a standing ovation. Jennie, Jisoo, and Yugyeom immediately bow in return. 

“We’ve never been more excited with a project.” The youngest but most enthusiastic member of the team said, reaching his hand out. “This is going to be a good project.”

“Thank you. We’re looking forward working with you as well.” Jisoo says, shaking his hand.

They all took turns shaking hands, as if to seal the deal.

“We’ve been a fan of your works and your unconditional love for serving people ever since.” One of the investors says as she reaches for Jennie’s hand. She’s a sophisticated lady, looking like she’s in her fifties, but has a really warm smile.

“We were really saddened when we heard what happened to you. I, personally, prayed a lot for your recovery.” She said with a smile and gently squeezes Jennie’s hand. “The heavens really do bless the right people.”

“Thank you.” Jennie melts in smile. Those are words she doesn’t know if she deserves but it’s something that surely warm her heart.

They finalized the meeting by signing the important documents and had a little chat over snacks. The YMF sent the investors off and retreated back to the conference room, slumping themselves on the chairs with a collective sigh of relief.

“That was great, team.” Jisoo mumbles. “Even with that little tiny time error.”

“Sorry.” Yugyeom apologized for the nth time today.

“You guys did great!” Jennie congratulated them.

Jisoo and Yugyeom exchanged looks. 

“ _ We  _ did it.” Jisoo corrected.

“Working with you is always the best.” Yugyeom added.

Jennie couldn’t help but blush. She barely did anything; she just helped Jisoo with the presentation and aided Yugyeom with the logistics, but it felt so good having her efforts, no matter how small she thinks they are, recognized.

“So, should we go celebrate?” Yugyeom asked.

“Yes! We should—hold on.” Jisoo got interrupted by her phone ringing. She made a face reading the caller ID but answered it instead. “What? No. I can’t—” 

Jennie and Yugyeom watch her as she continues with the phone call, waiting for her to finish so they can plan where to eat.

“You can’t call and ask to go to you  _ just _ like that.” Jisoo insisted. “No. I’m not—where are you?”

As if she forgot about her friends’ existence, Jisoo stands up, still focused on the phone call, and exits the room. She was already a few steps out when she remembers to say goodbye, simply waving at the two before disappearing again. 

“That’s rude.” Yugyeom noted. “I guess celebration is postponed.”

Jennie chuckles. “It must be important.”

“Must be a date.” Yugyeom shrugs.

“That doesn’t sound like a date, though.” Jennie said.

It’s Yugyeom’s turn to chuckle. “That’s always how their dates start.”

He mumbles as he stands to start gathering their things. Jennie furrow her eyebrows in confusion but didn’t ask further questions, instead, she stands up and helps Yugyeom.

The two work in silence until they heard a gentle knock on the door. They turn to the door to find Jaebum standing by the door frame with bottles of fruit yogurts and a box of donuts.

“Hey, how was the presentation? Figured you’ll need sugar after.” Jaebum mumbles with a grin.

“Yes!” Yugyeom exclaimed, dropping the papers he just finished organizing to run to Jaebum at the door. He took one donut and takes one massive bite before turning to Jennie.

“Here’s our celebratory snack, Jennie.” He said.

“I got you mango yogurt and sugar-glazed donuts, your favorites.” Jaebum said, taking the box from Yugyeom and stepping closer to Jennie.

Jennie stared at him for a long moment before walking closer to get a piece of donut. She doesn’t remember sugar-glazed as her favorite but the bite she just took tastes like the best she ever had in her life.

Jaebum smiles watching her. “So, did the presentation go well?”

Jennie didn’t answer though so Yugyeom took the liberty to do so.

“It was awesome.” Yugyeom said, mouth half-full. “They loved everything about the presentation! The investors were so impressed with Jennie, I think they’ll pirate her in their team if they can.”

“Really?” Jaebum turns back to Jennie with a proud smile, making her embarrassed.

“Y-you’re exaggerating, Yugyeom.” Jennie blushed in embarrassment.

“I’m not!” Yugyeom argued. “They love her  _ so  _ much.”

Jaebum takes a step closer to her. “Of course, they did. It’s not hard to love you but they gotta know the one who loves you the most.”

Jaebum pursed his lips, suppressing a wide smile, for the cheesiness he just spit. Jennie got even more flustered, her blush has turned into a tomato-red flush now. 

“Ew.” Yugyeom mumbles in disgust, making Jaebum burst into laughter. 

“Hey, kid—“ Jaebum was interrupted by his phone ringing. “Hold on.” He said, taking his phone to answer and then stepping out of the room.

Jennie’s flush was immediately replaced with a stoic expression. She took big bites to finish her donut and steps out of the room, bringing the papers and folders with her, and giving Jaebum a glaring look when she walked past him by the door.

“What happened? What did you do to her?” Jaebum panics, returning inside the room.

Yugyeom chokes on his second donut. “Me? I didn’t do anything. 

“Then why did she leave like that?”

“I don’t know, ask her.”

Jaebum turns to the door, all traces of Jennie are gone.

“Why don’t you follow her?” Yugyeom asked. “Maybe you’re the one who did something to her.”

“I didn’t!” Jaebum denied.

“Are you sure? It looks like you did though.” Yugyeom nonchalantly says, opening a bottle of yogurt drink.

“What are you talking about?” Jaebum asked.

“Didn’t you notice? She seems a bit cold to you.”

“No, she wasn’t.” Jaebum insisted. “We’re having the best time lately.”

Yugyeom gave him a suspicious look.

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “I mean, she’s starting to be more  _ normal— _ no, I mean, she’s being more like her old self now. Like she’s warming up to me.”

Yugyeom shrugs. “Doesn’t look like it to me.”

Jaebum unknowingly lets out a groan and snatches the yogurt from Yugyeom. “That’s not yours.”

“Hey, I’m drinking!” Yugyeom whined. “And I’m saying the truth! Jennie got mad when you went out to take the call.”

“What?” Jaebum asked. “Why would she? I was talking to Jinyoung.”

Jaebum looks at the phone in his hand then turned to the door, leading to the empty hallway of the house, thinking deeply. Is Yugyeom right? Is it just him feeling that? Is Jennie really cold to him in reality? Has he been reading her wrong all this time?

  
  


 

The couple’s ride home is quiet, dead quiet, as usual. Jaebum is still thinking about what Yugyeom said and has been very cautious of his actions, trying to see if Jennie is indeed cold to him. Jennie is generally hard to read though. One moment she’ll have this small talk, she’ll even giggle at his lame jokes, then one moment, she’s barely answering—almost unresponsive, even. It feels like they’re back on the first stage of dating once again, when Jaebum is tiptoeing in her mixed signals.

“You can go ahead.” Jaebum said, turning off the engine when they got to their apartment building.

Jaebum then takes off his seatbelt and turn to Jennie, finding her staring at him in question.

“I’ll just go buy dinner at the chicken joint across the street.” Jaebum explained. “Do you want to come with me?”

Jennie stares ahead, thinking, which took about a minute before she eases up. 

“No, I’ll go ahead.” She replied, getting off the car.

“Okay.” Was all that Jaebum could say, thinking that Jennie might just be tired for the day.

They get inside the building; Jaebum waits for Jennie to get in the elevator before he goes out again to buy dinner. 

“B-bye.” Jennie mumbles before entering the elevator, not even turning to Jaebum. 

“What am I doing?” she groans to herself, looking at Jaebum standing behind the closing elevator doors. 

The elevator isn’t quite packed, and rarely stops on other floors, giving Jennie a time for herself before she gets to their floor. Getting out of the elevator and walking to their unit is like dragging herself out of bed in an early morning. She’s restless, not knowing what exactly is happening to her and why she’s reacting like this.

She enters their unit, goes to their room to get a set of fresh clothes to change into before going to the bathroom. She washes her face first, not bothering to heat the water up and hoping the cold water could wake her up, which ends up useless anyway. Yes, it was refreshing but it didn’t make her mind think straight. The cold water couldn’t help make sense of how she’s acting. 

She was okay—they are okay, or at least that’s what she’s feeling. The drive to find answers kind of trails off the past days. Not that she wasn’t bothered anymore, because she will always be. But the past days, there have been a lot of distraction in the foundation and she’s been enjoying Jaebum’s company a little bit too much that she’s trying not ruin this harmony that they’re slowly building. But it suddenly feels like she’s been _too_ distracted and a little bit too invested.  

She takes a deep breath, looking at her reflection in the mirror. “What are  _ you  _ doing?”

She stared at her reflection for a while, as if waiting for an answer, until she gives up and continues with washing her face more vigorously.

It doesn’t seem like she’s been in the bathroom for a long time but when Jennie got out, Jaebum is already back and she can already smell the freshly fried chicken right from the bathroom door. 

Jennie turns to the kitchen, ready to have a good hearty meal when she saw a bouquet of roses on top of the living room table.

“Did you buy roses?” Jennie asked.

“Huh?” Jaebum mumbles, peeking out from the kitchen wearing an apron. He follows Jennie’s strong gaze and sees the flowers.

“Oh, those.” He said, walking back to the soup he’s making. “Lisa told me to get them home. I think it’s from some org you met the other day? But yeah, I wish bought them.”

Jaebum turns the stove off and brings the pot to the dining table.

“Dinner’s read—” he was cut off when he saw Jennie still gazing at the bouquet. “What?”

“Why would you wish you bought them?” Jennie asked, sharply.

“For you. I wish I bought them for you.” 

Jennie sighs then she walks to take a seat at the dining table with Jaebum watching her in puzzle.

“Take a seat. Let’s eat.” Jennie said, taking a piece of chicken—aiming for the leg part with no hesitation.

Jaebum does as ordered. They eat in silence, with Jaebum taking glances of Jennie in between bites, still wondering what’s up with the sudden mood changes. He tries to rethink all the things he’d done, tracking whatever it is that could make her react this way.

Did he forget to turn off the TV and fell asleep again? Did he forget to feed their pets? Was it his perfume? Did he ‘accidentally’ use the perfume she hates the most again? Was he snoring too loud? Driving too fast? Chewing so loud? No, he has long been a master of not doing the things she hates the most. Is it the time of the month? No, his calculations tell him otherwise. What could be it?

“Tell me, Jaebum, what is so pretty about roses?” Jennie suddenly mumbles, pulling Jaebum out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” he asks, only realizing then that Jennie is looking back at him already.

Jennie keeps the stare for a while before looking past him, at the rose. “What’s so pretty about them?”

Jaebum was caught off guard by the random question, which he’s not expecting at all.

“Uh…” he trails off, trying to fish something from his blank mind. “Well, poetically speaking—“

His phone suddenly rings, saving him from coming up with some poetical shit about roses. He was going to reach for his phone to answer it when he suddenly remembers what happened earlier and what Yugyeom told him—that Jennie’s mood started to change when he went out to answer his phone. Why would that make her mood sour though?

There was a brief moment of silence which felt like forever. They are just both staring at the phone sitting at the edge of table, both waiting of what will happen next. Jaebum hesitates at first, not wanting to answer it and make the same mistake. But he saw the caller ID and he knows that it’s a call he can’t ignore.

Eventually, he takes the phone.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this.” He said, standing up to take the call in the balcony.

“I guess that’s my answer.” Jennie sighs in defeat, leaning back to her chair. She picks up her chopsticks and takes a piece of radish as she groans. “Go ahead and talk all night so I can have all of these.”

Jaebum finished the call a couple of minutes later. If he had only knew it’s his senior at the hospital drunk calling him and ranting about another senior, he would’ve just missed the call and focused on dinner with his wife—especially when he would come back with just a tiny piece of chicken wing left for him.

“Someone’s hungry.” He noted with a giggle, returning to his seat. He reaches for the said piece of chicken. “What was your question again?”

Instead of answering, Jennie takes her plate and chopsticks and brings it to the sink before walking out of the kitchen.

“You should’ve married your phone instead.” She mumbled, walking past Jaebum, who dropped the chicken on his plate, feeling defeated and confused.

Jennie enters the room, slamming the door just loud enough to make a statement. She then plopped herself on their couch with her hands on her stomach.

“Ugh, I feel like throwing up.” She groans. “I can’t believe I really finished all those.”

She slouches down further, staring up the ceiling. “That is so mean. Why did I do that?”

“What is really up with me?” she continues with the mumbling. “Why am I so moody? Why am I so affected? So what if he takes a thousand of calls a day? So what if he takes forever in those phone calls? I may have woken up being married to him—I have no choice but to believe that, I don’t remember anything!”

“But that doesn’t mean I have to react this way because that doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”

_ Am I? _

Jennie sits up in a snap, looking around and finding something she doesn’t exactly know what until she saw the sketchpad on the bedside table. She immediately takes it and started sketching. With no clear idea with what she’s trying to draw, she started drawing strokes, angry lines, that illustrates what she’s feeling. She was just letting her frustrations out in the sketch until she finished, ending up with a rough sketch of a rotten rose. 

She puts down the pencil and runs her fingers on the drawing, the paper feeling rough against her fingers. On the wrinkled edge of the paper, she wrote:

_ What is this I’m feeling? _

  
  


 

“Are you sure that’s warm enough?” Jennie asked, peeking over Youngjae’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Youngjae’s reply comes out as a grunt as he struggles carrying the heavy  _ and _ steaming pot of food they prepared for the dogs. Yes, it might be warm to eat but it’s still hot enough to make a good steaming facial for him.

“I let it cool for ten minutes, just like what you told me.” He said, catching his breath after putting the pot on top of the dining table, along with the other bowls.

“That’s good then.” Jennie smiles, taking the soup saddle and starts dividing the food into the bowls. 

“You know what, this is a good idea.” Youngjae says, taking the other soup saddle. “Where did you learn this?”

Jennie shrugged innocently. “I just thought that maybe the pets get tired of eating their pellets too. A warm home-cooked meal isn’t so bad sometimes.”

Youngjae suddenly claps, making Jennie clap. 

“As expected from the other half of  _ the  _ Ims!” Youngjae exclaims. “This is why I love working with you. You bring harmony to the foundation now that you’re back.”

Jennie could only smile, looking down at the bowls to hide her flushed face. The two of them finished the task—filling all thirty of the bowls with the warm food—in no time, sharing some small talk here and there. They then went out to bring the food to the garden where all the dogs are being bathed.

It was a sight straight out of a cartoon. Dogs happily running and people giggling, while all being surrounded by bubbles and getting splashed by water. Jennie didn’t expect it to look like this. She was expecting dogs barking like madmen and people getting annoyed, this is the exact opposite and she’s loving every bit of it.

She can’t help but giggle while watching them, their mood is just so contagious that she’s giggling even being meters away. Her eyes suddenly land on a big golden retriever, Ginggang, as she remembers, the oldest and undeniably most loved dog in the foundation, looking like a big fluffy cloud with all the foamy soap around him as he tackles a man—who, Jennie realizes, is Jaebum. Jaebum chuckles, letting Ginggang attack him to the ground before he wraps his arms around him and starts rubbing his face. Ginggang looked like he was cooperating at first, until he attacks Jaebum once again, this time with kisses and affectionate licks on the face. 

Jennie didn’t notice how long  _ and  _ intently she’s been watching Jaebum until she felt her stomach twisting and churning, like a tornado is happening inside of her—that tornado being a bunch of butterflies flying around in her stomach. She puts her hand on her tummy, as if to check it, just as she feels her heart beating way too fast in her chest than she can’t handle.

Confused and worried, Jennie looks back to Jaebum only to lock eyes with her. She must have been staring for too long for her to notice. Jennie wanted to look away, save herself from further embarrassment, but her eyes betray her. Instead, she looks more intently, locking stares with him. 

By this time, Ginggang is much calmer and it seems like Jaebum has control over him, until the big dog escapes from Jaebum’s grip and runs towards Jennie. The distance between them still wasn’t enough to prepare Jennie and she was still knocked down when Ginggang reached her, soaking her with bubbles.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asked when he reached her.

He eventually melts into a smile when he saw Ginggang peppering her with kisses and licks. 

“I guess he missed you too.” He said, kneeling down and patting Ginggang’s head to calm him down.

It took quite a while before Ginggang calms down and it took effort from both Jennie and Jaebum to pat him sweetly, which brought them to this cute little Ims-dog sandwich.

They were quiet for a while, neither of them wanting to end this little moment too soon—that is until Jennie bursts into a soft laughter.

“W-what? Why are you laughing?” Jaebum suddenly gets conscious.

“Nothing.” Jennie purses her lips, suppressing to laugh. “I didn’t know Santa Claus was invited today.”

Jaebum took a second, before he instantly wipes foam off his face, only making Jennie laugh even harder. Jaebum ends up laughing too, then playfully, he reaches for Jennie’s face and putting bubbles on her cheeks too. It started a big bubble fight with Jaebum putting more and more while Jennie restrains and fails to counterattack. 

“Gross.”

“This scene looks good on screen but  _ never _ in real life.”

“Times like this, I hate being friends with them.”

Jinyoung, Lisa, and Jisoo said respectively as they watch the couple from across the garden.

“Seriously,” Jisoo continues. “They’re being annoying sometimes; making single people feel more single.”

“It’s like they boast about being in love.” Jinyoung added.

“At least they’re not hiding it.” Lisa says with a sigh. “Not like  _ some  _ people I know.” She says, walking behind the two. 

Jisoo and Jinyoung exchanged looks, realizing they’re barely a foot apart, and immediately stepping away from each other.

“Move!”

“Go away from me!”

The rest of the afternoon went by with the team getting lost between doing their tasks and playing with the dogs. By the time the dogs are freshly bathed, it was them who are soaking wet and need a good hot bath. Youngjae stands by the table where they set the food up, watching his friends and waiting for them and the pets to settle down. 

“Looks like I picked the right day to visit.” 

Youngjae hears a woman’s voice—someone so familiar and endearing that he can’t help but turn his whole body in an instant.

“Hi.” She greets with a cheeky smile, locking eyes with Youngjae when he fully turned around.

Youngjae beams into a smile.

“Rosé.” He breathes, mostly to himself first before turning to the garden excitedly.

“Guys!” he called, voice so loud he can basically be heard in the entire neighborhood. “Rosé is here! She’s back. Roséis back!”

“Did he say Rosé? Jabeum’s Rosé?” Jisoo asked Jinyoung.

“She is not Jaebum’s Rosé,” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, turning to Youngjae’s direction. “And yeah, I think that’s what I hear—Rosé!” Jinyoung couldn’t even finish because he’s already running towards her with Jisoo following him behind.

It all went blur for Jennie since then. Before she can even realize what is going on, Jaebum is already running towards the table with his face lighting up in a bright and excited smile. Confused and with no choice left for her, Jennie simply followed him. By the time they reached the table, everyone is already there huddled around their guest—all of them taking turns to give her a hug.

“Rosé!” Jaebum called, panting, as soon as he reached the group.

“Jaebum!” Jennie heard an unfamiliar voice call, shooting a pain in the pit of her stomach.

Like the Biblical story of the Red sea, everyone gives Jaebum a way to the woman and it was only then that Jennie gets a good view of her. 

She’s glistening—Jennie thought to herself, as if it’s possible for someone that isn’t a vampire in hiding to glisten in broad daylight, but she is. With her cheeky smile and rosy cheeks, she’s the epitome of elegance, grace and beauty all rolled into one.  _ She’s stunning _ . Jennie can’t help but feel at awe. There’s no wonder everyone is happily surrounding her; she’s lighting up the whole room.

“Jaebum!” she repeated, throwing her arms around Jaebum.

Jaebum didn’t even look bothered at all, which somehow digs a bigger pit in Jennie’s stomach, and instead, hugged her back in an instant.

“Welcome back, Rosé.” Jaebum says against her temple. 

And just when Jennie couldn’t feel any more bothered, her whole body felt like sinking in the ground at the sound of her name.  _ Rosé _ .  _ The prettiest rose _ . Everything is falling into place, making sense. It’s her. The one who calls Jaebum all the time and damn, she  _ is  _ pretty.

Jennie steps back, unknowingly, watching the scene before her. She watches how everyone seems so excited to meet her. It was indeed a beautiful reunion filled with embraces and teary-smiles. It was heartwarming, if not only uneasy for Jennie. Because as she stands there, just a step away from everyone, she slowly feels herself slipping away; once again being trapped in her thoughts of loneliness and isolation. 

“I’m sorry I missed your wedding.”

Jennie didn’t even realize Rosé has wrapped her arms around her, until she heard her voice close to her ears.

“Work was hell back then, and well, Jaebum can’t even adjust the wedding to a week later for his best friend to attend.” She continues, her hug tightening, leaving Jennie more clueless as to what to do.

“Was that so bad?” she asked when she realized Jennie is not hugging her back and instead, just standing still. She slowly lets her go. “I really didn’t mean to do so.”

Rosé steps back and, for a while, she and Jennie lock eyes. Both of them expressing confusion and puzzle, but somehow lost in different wavelengths.

“I’m sorry, I should stop talking about the past.” Rosé says. “It must hurt.”

Jennie can’t decide whether to feel bad or relieved with Rosé suddenly realizing she doesn’t come along with  _ her _ past so well, but she is sure getting even more uncomfortable with yet another stranger in the pack.

Rosé melts in a smile. She takes a step back, then she extends her hand to Jennie.

“Hi!” She said very brightly. “I’m Rosé, Jaebum’s childhood friend.”

Rosé waits for Jennie to take her hand while Jennie simply stares at the hand. Eventually, she gives in, slowly taking her hand. She was barely shaking it when Rosé pulls her back into a quick tight hug.

Rosé lets go. “I’ve known him since we were kids. Went on the same middle school, high school and even university—we’re practically siblings.” Rosé talks fast with a  _ very _ foreign accent, catching Jennie off guard. “We may be best friends but, oh my gosh, we—” Rosé points her finger at her and Jennie. “We became even better friends when we met.”

“Why are you explaining so much?” Youngjae suddenly butts in with a dry laugh.

Rosé turns pale for a second before turning back to her preppy self. “I just don’t want to have another misunderstanding!”

“Misunderstanding?” Jennie echoes, puzzled.

“You know what,” Jaebum steps in between the two before things go out of hand. “We should go around the city. A lot has changed since you last came here, how’s that?”

Rosé turns to Jennie, as if to ask permission, before smiling wide and slipping her arm on Jennie’s. “Sounds like a good idea. Let’s go!”

  
  


 

Rosé went straight to the foundation as soon as she landed in Seoul, so, before driving around the city, she went to settle her things at her hotel while Jaebum and Jennie takes a quick drive home to wash up and change into clean clothes. The two barely talk on their drive back and even as they hustle changing back in the apartment. Jennie has all sorts of questions in her head but she can’t bring herself to even ask any question when Jaebum seems pretty excited to have Rosé around. 

“Rosé... she’s very pretty.”

Jennie only realizes she voiced out her thoughts when she actually heard herself. 

“What? What was that?” Jaebum asked, taking glances at Jennie.

“N-nothing.” Jennie blushes.

“You said something.” Jaebum said.

“I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No.”

Jennie pouts, making Jaebum laugh.

“I said I didn’t say anything.” She insisted.

Jaebum lightly shrugs, making a turn. “Okay, let’s pretend you didn’t say Rosé is very pretty.”

“You heard it perfectly clear.” Jennie shoots him a look.

“You said you didn’t say anything.”

Jennie opens her mouth as if to say something but leans back in her seat in defeat. 

“You never really changed.” Jaebum said, sparking something inside Jennie.

“What?” She asked.

“You didn’t change.” Jaebum repeated. “You said the same thing about her when you first met.”

“I did?”

Jaebum nods. 

“But she  _ is  _ pretty.”

Jaebum scoffs. “She’s okay.”

Jennie shoots her a look of disbelief.

Jaebum watches her from the rearview mirror. “And you’re doing  _ that _ again.”

“What?” Jennie asked, feeling accused.

“That thing you do when you’re jealous.” Jaebum said.

“Jealous.” Jennie nods, unknowingly before realizing what it meant. “Jealous? I am not jealous!”

Jaebum bursts into laughter again. “This is very nostalgic. If I can only do what I did back then to stop you from being jealous.”

Jennie’s tensed brows soften. “What did you do?”

“Huh?” Jaebum mumbles. 

Jaebum didn’t answer. He couldn’t when all his focus is on the tough road, uphill towards the Namsan tower where they agreed to meet Rosé and Jisoo, who Jennie insisted to come along.

“What did you do?” Jennie repeated as soon as Jaebum has carefully parked at the foot of the hill.

“I…” Jaebum takes off his seatbelt and turns to Jennie, only to find her looking at him intently, eyes wide and clear with curiosity.

“I…” he trails off, getting lost in Jennie’s eyes.

“You…”

“I kis—”

Jaebum was interrupted by a phone ringing. It was Jennie’s. 

“Yes. Uh, we’re here now, I think.” Jennie turned to Jaebum to clarify, to which he replied with a nod. “Oh… okay.”

“Jisoo? Did she bail out?” Jaebum asked as soon as Jennie puts the phone down, hearing the disappointment in Jennie’s voice.

Jennie nods. “Something came up, she said.”

“I wonder what that is.” Jaebum said, sarcastically, getting out of the car. 

He went and open Jennie’s door. “Should we stroll around, just the two of us, like the old times?”

Jennie steps out of the car, straightening her back, and finding herself just inches away from Jaebum. They lock eyes for a second; Jaebum’s clear and dreamy eyes is making Jennie weak in her knees. She quickly looks away, grabbing the door for support but Jaebum beats her to it, immediately grabbing her by the arm.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asked, worried.

“Y-yeah.” Jennie replied, getting her balance back and detaching herself from Jaebum.

Jaebum lets her walk ahead, closing the door behind her, before following her tracks. 

They walk in silence for a while. Taking their time coming up the hill. Jaebum let Jennie lead the way, staying a step back to make sure he got her back in case she loses her balance again. He watches her from behind. The sun shining bright above, making her skin glow; the wind blowing her hair gently—it was a view that Jaebum will never trade for everything. Jaebum makes his steps slower, not trying hard to keep up, savoring the beautiful view ahead of him.

“How does everyone know her?” Jennie suddenly turns back, catching Jaebum by surprise.

“Huh?” Jaebum mumbles, keeping his balance. “Her—Rosé?”

Jennie nods, then turns back to continue walking. Jaebum just watched her in doing so, wondering where the sudden curiosity is coming from. But then he realized that this is the classic Jennie who always leaves him in awe.

So, he smiled and keeps up with her tracks.

“She was one of our first volunteers.” Jaebum continues, walking beside Jennie. “She’s with us when we started everything from scratch. She’s with us for a short time though since she had to leave for work. It’s always work for her—that workaholic girl. But everyone loved it when she was in the foundation, which was quite obvious earlier, I think.”

Jennie nods. “You seem to be very fond of her too.”

Jaebum made a face. “Me? Fond of her?” He takes time thinking. “Am I?”

Jennie shoots him a look.

“I-I mean,” Jaebum stutters. “I don’t know. She’s like a sister to me. I’ve known her since forever—I can’t bring myself to be  _ fond  _ of her like that.”

Jennie takes a moment, as if thinking whether to accept Jaebum’s answer or not, then she shrugs. She turned ahead and starts walking again. Jaebum follows her, quickly getting to her pace this time. It was a long, steep walk, but they made their steps calm and little—taking their time and not wanting to get tired easily. They reached the top, minutes after. It was rather a busy day on top, considering it’s a weekday afternoon. The place is filled with locals and tourists taking photos of the spot and selcas with the view of the whole city behind them.

Amidst the noise and chaos, Jennie stands in the pool of people, admiring the serenity of the view before her. The sky is calm and beautiful, dashes of pinks and oranges paint the blue sky. She slowly walks towards the railings, the people gradually making way for her. She stops a step away from the railing, her eyes never leaving the sight as her breath is slowly taken away. It was equally beautiful and peaceful; how Jennie wishes she has a blank canvas to record this view in a painting—to keep this view with her forever. 

Jaebum watches Jennie from behind, admiring her purity and innocence. It wasn’t the first time they visited Namsan Tower. In fact, they’ve been here for a couple of times before because, perhaps, of this exact same reason; Jennie loves the contrasting view of the sky and the city below and she always insisted that the Namsan Tower is the perfect place to view both.

For all the times they’ve been here before, this place never fails to leave Jennie in awe and for all the times that Jaebum has seen her in awe, she never fails to make him fall in love with her every single time.

He slowly walks to Jennie, daring to get closer, standing beside her by the railings as he watch her intently. She turns to him slowly, realizing his stare. They stay in silence, somehow, they found something more beautiful than the sun kissing the skyscrapers a sweet goodbye. It’s their eyes looking way past of what’s in front of them, finally seeing the love that has been kept inside their hearts.

Jaebum laid his hand out, resting it on top of the railing and waiting for Jennie. Jennie takes a moment, not that she’s having second thoughts of taking his hand, but rather, worried that a simple action will take her away from the beauty of his eyes. Eventually, she gives in, gently laying her hand on top of Jaebum’s. She let her fingers slip in between his fingers, where they belong perfectly.

Jaebum smiled at Jennie as he takes her hand and puts it down between them. He closes the gap between them, moving inches closer to his wife. For once, Jennie gives in; not thinking about anything else but this moment—the serenity of this sight and Jaebum’s warm touch. She lets him lead the way, permits him to get closer and, silently, hopes for the best to happen.

“Jaebumie!”

It the midst of the noisy tourist, it barely sounded like a shout. But to two people sharing a rare moment, it came out like screeching cry.

Jennie jumps in surprise while Jaebum’s reflex told him to turn to wherever the voice is coming from. It’s Rosé waving cheerfully at them from across the place. Jennie immediately detaches herself from Jaebum, embarrassed, leaving him in an awkward position.

“Jaebum! Jennie!” she called again, running towards them.

Jennie steps away from Jaebum, giving way to Rosé.

“Traffic in Seoul is just getting worse.” Rosé groaned. “I’m sorry, did you wait long? I’m so sorry, Jennie.”

“I-it’s okay.” Jennie assured.

“But I’m sure you two liked being alone, anyway.” Rosé said, giving the two teasing looks which just made the couple even more embarrassed.

“You’re so talkative.” Jaebum said, walking ahead and turning Rosé away from the railings. “Come on, let’s start with this tour.”

Rosé didn’t bother protesting and just followed Jaebum when he nudged her forward. As he said, they started with the tour—walking down the hill and then to the nearby neighborhood and streets. Except some new cafes and stores, nothing much has changed since Rosé left. Nothing too dramatic that she actually needs a refresher tour. The whole idea of this tour is to get some fresh air—an idea that Jaebum now regrets because it meant spending time with his talkative best friend while worrying not to stress his wife too much.

“Can you take a better photo, please? You didn’t take photography as an elective in college just for this!” Rosé whined at Jaebum after he takes a rather simple photo of her in an  _ Instagramable  _ café.

“I took an elective because I wanted to.” Jaebum dryly says, as he frames another shot for Rosé .

Rosé simply chuckled, dragging Jennie to take a photo with her. “Take one of the both of us!”

Jaebum quickly takes a snap then walks ahead, avoiding to get more retakes. The two ladies follow behind, with Rosé’s arm linked on Jennie.

“My phone.” Rosé said and Jaebum hands her phone in sync.

Rosé looks down at the photos that Jaebum took, a smile slowly widens in her face with every swipe.

“Oh, these are pretty!” Rose exclaimed. “This is why you should always come with me when I’m traveling.”

“And what? So you’ll have me dragging around behind you taking photos for your Instagram? No, thanks. You’re not even paying me.” Jaebum snorted.

Rosé makes a face. “You’re so grumpy as usual. As if you don’t like taking photos anyway. Remember Disneyland? In Tokyo, summer of ‘0-5? You’re the one who tired the heck out of me for your portfolio!” 

Jaebum pursed his lips, trying to hide laughter while Jennie grows confused.

“Disneyland?” Jennie echoes.

“Didn’t he tell you about that one time our parents brought us to Disneyland for our high school graduation?” Rose looks worried. “Oh, you forget it?”

Jaebum’s expression immediately becomes stoneic, especially after seeing Jennie turn pale.

“Anyway,” Rosé continues, getting more excited. “It was that time when Jaebum was just started getting into photography. He was  _ so  _ into filling up is portfolio so, when our parents gifted us with that trip, he took the chance for a free photoshoot and bossed me around like I’m his model or something.”

Jaebum scoffed. “Worst model ever.”

“I’m your only choice.”

“Worst photoshoot ever.”

“Well, you didn’t have a choice.”

Jennie wishes she didn’t ask. As Jaebum and Rosé’s banter goes on, she regrets having asked about Disneyland. And the rest of the afternoon went just like that; Jaebum and Rosé talking about every funny memory they have with Jennie dragging herself behind them. Jennie grows more and more uncomfortable with every story, every step, and every minute she spends with them. She regrets being here; she hates faking a smile while actually feeling hurt inside; she hates walking around and pretending it’s okay to spend time with people she barely knew. 

As if it wasn’t enough torture, the three of them have to sit down in a nearby restaurant for dinner.  

“Is that all?” The waiter asked after repeating all their orders.

Jaebum takes a look around the table, to Jennie first then to Rosé—both of whom just shake their heads—before turning back to the waiter.

“That’s all. And a strawberry milkshake. The monster one.” He finishes off.

The waiter nods, taking back the menus before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Strawberry milkshake? Monster size?” Rosé asked with a smirk slowly forming in her lips. “Aren’t you lactose intolerant?”

“You’re lactose intolerant?” Jennie echoes, immediately panicking when she remembers all the milk and yogurt she prepared for Jaebum and how it probably made him suffer.

Jaebum blushed but he keeps a straight face. “I’m not lactose intolerant.”

Rosé’s smirk grows into a grin. “I think you are. Remember that time at university? You skipped all your classes because you’re having the  _ best  _ day at the toi—”

“That was one time!” Jaebum cuts him off. “And I had four liters of borderline-spoiled milk.”

“Four?” Jennie echoed, wide eyes.

“They’re gonna get spoiled in three days! I had to do something.” Jaebum proudly explained.

“Why were you even hoarding four liters of milk?” Rosé asked.

“It was hard to starve in college.” Jaebum replied.

“Oh my gosh, I just remembered—that’s why Seulgi turned you down!” Rosé suddenly says in the midst of laughter.

“Hey!” Jaebum protested.

“It’s the truth! She somehow found out about your toilet diaries and got super turned off.” Rosé shrugged. “I mean, I would too if I were her.”

“Shut up. I know you’re the one who told her.” Jaebum accused.

Rosé looked shocked but not a little bit guilty. “I had to! She’s way out of your league. I mean, look at her now, she’s a model! There’s no way you can keep up with a supermodel.”

All the while, Jennie is just sitting in between them, torn between wanting to cut her ears off or for the ground to eat her up. It is too much to take in. Too many things to process in and keep up with. She can’t even try fitting herself in because even the slightest idea of doing so makes her realize how she doesn’t belong here.

“Excuse me,” Jennie mumbles, standing from her seat and trying her best not to crack her voice. 

Jaebum is quick to grab her arm. “Is everything okay?”

Jennie smiled. “I’ll just go to the restroom.”

Jaebum just stared at her, studying her and not letting her go, until Jennie detaches his hand from her arm with the same fake smile plastered on her face.

She excused herself like she said and went to the restroom. There she stands in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection intently. 

She woke up from that long, dreading dream to a life that she knows doesn’t belong to hers. She met people, supposedly her friends, and husband, knowing deep down inside of her that it isn’t her that they love. It is something that she knows and bothers from the beginning.

But they were all so warm and kind that somehow, in the depths of her crushed soul, she felt like she actually belongs somewhere for the first time. Jaebum—there was never a moment that he didn’t make her feel his love. It makes her feel guilty but for someone who has felt nothing but pain, feeling loved is a privilege she can never let go.

Until now. Until it all comes clear as day to her. It has become so clear that she can actually feel physical pain. She was a fool to let herself loose, to think that she deserves to be loved and accepted like that when the truth is, she will never belong to anyone and no one will ever love her like this.

Because the truth is, she is and will always be alone. In the darkness filled with pain—that’s where she belongs and she deserves nothing but loneliness. This pain that is piercing through her chest right now as she watches Jaebum and Rosé exchange laughter and sweet memories, this is what she deserves to feel.

Jennie steps out of restroom and stops just by the door when her eyes land onto Jaebum and Rosé, once again lost in their own little world. She bites her lips.

_ Stupid, _ she thoughts to herself. 

_ How dare I look at him like that? _

_ How can I think I’m deserving of holding his hand? _

_ Who am I to deserve his love? _

She clenches her fist, frustrated and angry at herself. Instead of going back to their table, she steps out of the restaurant, storming to the streets without knowing where to go. She runs, her steps big and hard, just wanting to get away from here—from everyone. Before she knew it, she’s crying but the wind brushing through her cheeks is drying even before they fall.

She closes her eyes, as if doing so will make the pain go away, which was a mistake. Because closing her eyes only let her see her dreams. The endless shore, the splashes of pain, chaotic paintings—the pain. The flashes of images kept on coming back then there was the fire, the phone ringing endlessly, someone shouting, and Mark.

She shoots her eyes open just in time to see that she’s about to crash to a group of young students. She tries to step away, avoid the group, but she still ends up crashing into them, a bit hard, it turns out. She fell onto the ground, with her knees hitting the ground.

The students helped her get up and lets her sit in the nearby bench. It seemed to her that they were worried, asking if everything is okay, but it’s all too blurry to Jennie that she couldn’t even bring herself to answer them. She just simply nods, sending the kids away in puzzle.

She removed her shoes, revealing her wounded feet for walking and running the whole day. She stared at her wounded and sore feet for a while, wondering why she’s not feeling any pain on them. It’s like her whole body went numb except her chest.

She looks up, finding a closed art shop in front of her across the street. All the lights are turned off inside which lets her see her reflection on its glass wall. She stares at herself; hair all over the place, dirty and wrinkled clothes.

_ What have I done?  _ She asked herself, looking at her messed up reflection.

_ Who is this woman?  _

_ Is this really the person that I should be? _

_ Who should I really be? _

  
  


“I’ll check the bathroom.” Jaebum told Rosé as he stands from his seat in panic.

“What?” Rosé asked, stopping him. “It’s the ladies’ restroom, you can’t just barge in there. I’ll go.”

Rosé stands and goes to the bathroom, only to find it empty. 

“She’s not there.” Rosé reported as soon as she got back to their table.

“Fuck.” Jaebum cursed, immediately storming out of the restaurant. 

He stops for a while, frustrated, not knowing where to start finding Jennie. Then, he runs. He just runs to wherever his feet will take him, trusting his instincts to bring him to Jennie.

He’s starting to get more anxious with every step. He turns to every person he bumps into and spots in the streets, checking if Jennie is any of them but there is no trace of her anywhere. His mind is clouded, thousands of thoughts run through his mind—most of them negative and it kills him. He clenches his fist and his chin hard. This can’t happen. He has lost Jennie once and he can’t lose her again. No, he can’t let that happen. 

He ran from one street to another, running and screaming Jennie’s name like a mad man. He doesn’t care if people think he’s crazy, he doesn’t even care that his legs are about to go numb from too much running. He needs to find Jennie. She’s all that he cares about.

He stops for a while to catch his breath, his chest firing with panic and worry. He was going to run again when he saw a familiar figure not too far from where he’s standing. He runs to her, a mix of relief and anxiety whirls around his chest. He slows down his tracks a few steps away from her, not wanting to scare her.

She’s crying. 

Jaebum clenched his fists harder, his knuckles almost turning white. He took a deep breath, composing himself, then he walks closer to her. He kneels on the ground in front of her.

“Shhh,” Jaebum mumbles, pulling Jennie into an embrace.

Jennie seems to be startled at first but she soon gives in when she realized it’s Jaebum. She cries harder, feeling Jaebum’s arms around her, the exhaustion has taken all of her and Jaebum’s embrace is her only solace.

“It’s all right.” Jaebum murmurs, patting her head. “I’m here.”

They stayed like that for a moment. Jaebum giving Jennie all the comfort she needs and Jennie submitting everything onto Jaebum. 

“What happened, love?” Jaebum whispered.

Jennie takes a while before answering. Jaebum has so many frustrating questions that needed answers but he remains calm and understanding. So, he just waited and with that patience, he gives her all the comfort he could give.

“It hurts.” Jennie eventually replied.

“What hurts?” Jaebum asked, pulling away just enough to look at Jennie.

_ Everything _ . Was what Jennie wants to say but she can’t. Of course, she can’t. So, instead, she pointed at her feet.

Jaebum lets go of her to check on her feet. A pang of pain pierces through his chest at the sight of her wounds and swollen feet. 

“Let’s go home.” Jaebum mumbles as he, still on the ground, turns his back on Jennie. “Hop in.”

“What?” Jennie mumbles.

“We can’t walk home when you’re hurting. Come on.” Jaebum explained.

Jennie was stunned, not knowing what to do until Jaebum takes her hand put it around his neck. 

“Now, do it gently, okay? My back was never at its best anymore.” Jaebum said as he gently lifts Jennie on his back. 

Jaebum slowly stands as Jennie dips her face on his back, suddenly embarrassed with the attention they’re getting.

Their car was parked not too far from where Jaebum found Jennie but they took their time walking. For one, Jaebum can’t speed up with a whole grown woman on his back and, second, they are both savoring this unusual moment they’re sharing.

“Why are you here?” Jennie suddenly asked.

“What are you talking about?” Jaebum asked back, trying his best to sound calm. “You were gone for too long and left the restaurant, of course I’ll look for you.”

“And you left Rosé just like that?” Jennie fished. 

“She can go home on her ow—wait,” Jaebum stops, adjusts his posture. “Are you jealous?”

Jennie couldn’t answer. Instead, she hides her face deeper on his back.

Jaebum shakes his head and continues walking, just letting the question float in the air.

“She seems like a really nice person.” Jennie mumbles.

“Is she?” Jaebum riddled. “I’ve known her all my life so it’s hard to judge.”

Jennie pouts. It’s not the answer she’s looking for.

“Which is why you should never feel jealous.” Jaebum continues.

There was silence in between. Jaebum was feeling Jennie’s breath against his neck as he contemplates whether what he said was already enough to assure his wife or did he talk too much once again. Jennie on the other hand was thinking.  _ No _ , she was feeling things. And she knows deep down that these thoughts could no longer stay hidden anymore.

“Because she remembers. She knows you; from your favorite childhood cartoon, to your most embarrassing dating story—she knows every little thing about you. And me—I don’t even remember your shoe size, or your go-to French fries flavor; I don’t even remember marrying you.”

Jaebum can’t say anything. Jennie’s words are hurtful—for the both of them, equally. Both of them are lost at some point and both of them are hurting in the process.

Jaebum focused on walking, now that their car is in sight.

“Why are you  _ still _ here with me?” Jennie suddenly asked. 

Jaebum took some time before answering. 

“I don’t understand why you’re asking.” Jaebum admitted. “But it’s a promise I made to you. Something that I should never forget. Not because it’s a sacred promise, but because I mean it. Because I love you.”

It was Jennie’s turn to be quiet. She still hasn’t figured out why she dared asking the question and where did she even get the question. Now, she’s even more overwhelmed with Jaebum’s answer. 

They reached their car but instead of going straight to the passenger’s seat, Jaebum put Jennie down on the back of the car and sat her on top of the trunk.

“ _ Donec mors nos separaverit _ .” He whispers once Jennie is seated on the trunk.

“Until death do us part.” Jaebum continues, pushing some strands of hair away from Jennie’s face and putting it on the back of her ear. “That’s what it meant, in case you forget.”

“The ring.” Jennie pointed out.

Jaebum couldn’t help but melt in a wide, soft smile. “Yes.”

Jaebum rests his hand on Jennie’s cheek and they lock eyes. The words that their lips fail to say makes it way to each other’s heart through their eyes.

“Look,” he started. “You might not remember now how we met.”

He lifts his other hand and cups her face.

“You might not remember any of our memories.” 

Jaebum slowly moves closer to Jennie. 

“You may even forget about me.”

He slowly pulls her face close to him.

“But I will never, ever, get tired of reminding you of our love.”

Jaebum closed the remaining gap between them, reaching for her lips and sealing his speech with a kiss.

Jennie’s eyes shoot wide open in surprise. She doesn’t know what to do, so, she shuts her eyes.

The images she fears came flashing in the instant that she closed her eyes. The painting, the violent strokes of the brushes, his ice-cold face in the painting—everything that brought her pain is coming back so real. 

Jennie has always been so distant to Jaebum, fearing him and the memories he has brought her. She pushed him away, built high walls around her and closed her doors right at his face. She thought that remembering him will only give her pain and best way is to push him away. 

But she’s wrong. She was wrong all along.

Because the moment she felt Jaebum’s soft lips brushing against hers—like how Jaebum himself has gently knocked on her door; climbed the walls she built; and pulled her right back in, Jaebum’s lips gently dances its way inside of her.

In that moment, the bright colors came splashing in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we know it took us a while before uploading but chapter 7 is finally here and it's a chapter that's a gift for all of you <3  
> we apologize for the month-long delay, everything just piled up from vacation til we both got busy at work :(  
> but we hope that you loved this chapter just as much as how we loved writing this one too. this has got to be our favorite as so far TT  
> as always, please tell us how you feel about this chapter. comment it down or send them through our cc's <3


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